Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?
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Sample Response
TodayIn the present day, an increase in the number of package tours to distant destinations such as mountainous areas marksmark a new trend in the tourism industrynew tendency of the tourist industry. Although this development is beneficial to the local residents in terms of the economyin terms of economy and living conditions, it can have deleterious effects on the environment and the public safety in these areassocial security of these areas.
On the one hand, the increasing popularity of package tours to remote areasincreasing package holidays to remote areas is closely associated with the economic growthgrowth of the economy. For one thing, this new trend in tourism can create more employment in the theselocal areas as the job market for tourist-related services regularly requires workersfrequently needs human resources. This, in turn,This in turn provides a stable income for local dwellers. What is more, such growth in employmentsuch development in employment rates could lead tocould be equal to increased income tax contributionsthe increase in income tax contributions to the budgetsbudget of local governments. As a result, local authorities can help raise the living standards of people, starting by having important infrastructure established like the installation of water pipes or construction of hospitals.
On the other hand, the development of package tours to remote areas may damageact as a detriment to the local environment as well as public security. Firstly, the construction of tourism facilities like hotels can drastically change the local landscapelandscape of one area, causing habitat lossmeaning the loss of habitat for local species. Also, large numbersmassive hordes of tourists flockingscramming to these remote communities may lead to serious security risksa serious risk of security as the tourists can behave disrespectfully toward local customshave disrespectful behavior toward the customs of local people or involve themselves in criminal acts like illegal trafficking.
In sum, despite the advantages the rapid growth in popularity of organized tours to remote destinations could bring about, it is more likely to exert negative influences on these areas.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response establishes a clear comparative position and develops relevant economic, environmental, and community impacts in a logical progression. Its main limitation is imprecise or overstated wording in several places, which weakens otherwise persuasive ideas; the highest-priority improvement is to replace awkward collocations and general claims with more exact explanations of how tourism affects local residents and ecosystems.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses effects on local people and the environment, develops both benefits and harms, and maintains a clear overall negative judgement.
Strengthen the evaluation by explaining more convincingly why the environmental and security harms outweigh the economic gains.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear four-paragraph progression, and cohesive devices make the relationships between ideas easy to follow.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and build smoother connections within the discussion of employment, tax revenue, and infrastructure.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, although several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as new tendency, risk of security, and massive hordes with more natural and measured wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and generally controlled, with occasional agreement and article errors that do not impede meaning.
Check subject-verb agreement and article use, particularly in constructions such as an increase in tours marks a new trend.