The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that more and more young people are getting involved in crime, and the best way to address this critical issue is an ongoing debate. There are many ways to prevent youth crime, one of which is better parenting skills; however, those ways need to be carried out simultaneously if they are to be effective.
On the one hand, parents are the closest people to their children and are the most likely to be able to have an impact on their children’s behavior. In fact, the large majority of youth crime nowadays is the result of inappropriate parenting, and a lack of childcare and crime education. Therefore, it is totally reasonable to say that improving parenting skills will cause a decrease in juvenile offences.
However, education at home alone is not enough since there are a lot of kids who are not willing to listen to their parents. In this day and age, children spend the largest amount of time at school, and therefore are more likely to be influenced by their teachers or friends. For example, in my home country of Vietnam, many high school students are susceptible to negative peer pressure. This usually leads to the increasing use of alcohol or drugs, all of which are primary contributors to crime at this age. These facts suggest that we should introduce education in the school curriculum about the consequences one may face when committing an offence, as well as help children manage negative peer pressure.
In conclusion, enhancing skills to educate children at home is a good way to curb juvenile delinquencies; however, I think there is no single best way to achieve this as different measures need to be taken at the same time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct adjective placement Original: the closest people to their children Suggested revision: the people closest to their children Why it matters: The superlative adjective should follow the noun in this construction.
- 2. Reduce wordiness Original: most likely to be able to have an impact on Suggested revision: best placed to influence Why it matters: This concise phrase expresses the same idea more directly.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: large Suggested revision: vast Why it matters: “Vast majority” is the conventional collocation for a very high proportion.
- 4. Remove unnecessary comma Original: inappropriate parenting, and a lack Suggested revision: inappropriate parenting and a lack Why it matters: A comma is not needed between two noun phrases joined by “and.”
- 5. Clarify intended meaning Original: childcare and crime education Suggested revision: supervision and education about crime Why it matters: “Childcare” and “crime education” do not precisely express parental supervision and guidance about offending.
- 6. Use formal register Original: a lot of kids Suggested revision: many children Why it matters: “Many children” is more appropriate for a formal academic essay.
- 7. Avoid unsupported comparison Original: spend the largest amount of time at school Suggested revision: spend much of their time at school Why it matters: “Largest” implies a comparison that the sentence does not define.
- 8. Use correct modifier Original: the increasing use of alcohol or drugs Suggested revision: increased use of alcohol or drugs Why it matters: “Increased” describes a higher level of use, while “increasing” suggests an ongoing change.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: in Suggested revision: into Why it matters: “Introduce into” is the correct construction for adding material to a curriculum.
- 10. Use uncountable noun Original: delinquencies Suggested revision: delinquency Why it matters: “Delinquency” is normally uncountable when referring generally to youth offending.
- 11. Use concise time marker Original: nowadays Suggested revision: today Why it matters: “Today” conveys the current time reference more concisely.
- 12. Use measured emphasis Original: totally reasonable Suggested revision: reasonable Why it matters: Removing the conversational intensifier creates a more measured academic tone.
Suggested Rewrites
- the closest people to their children the people closest to their children
- most likely to be able to have an impact on best placed to influence
- large vast
- inappropriate parenting, and a lack inappropriate parenting and a lack
- childcare and crime education supervision and education about crime
- a lot of kids many children
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops a convincing explanation of how schools can complement parental education, with logical progression and a strong range of language. Its main limitation is that the claim about inadequate parenting causing most youth crime is asserted rather than substantiated. The highest-priority improvement is to explain that causal link more carefully and support it with a specific example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a clear qualified disagreement and develops relevant arguments about both parenting and school influence.
Develop the parenting argument with a concrete explanation or example instead of relying on a broad causal assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally make the relationship between the two measures clear.
Use more precise referencing in the introduction and avoid formulaic transitions such as an unmatched 'On the one hand'.
Lexical Resource
A varied and generally precise vocabulary supports the discussion, including effective topic language about juvenile offences and peer pressure.
Refine a few awkward collocations, such as 'largest amount of time' and 'juvenile delinquencies', to improve naturalness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used with strong control, and errors are infrequent and do not impede meaning.
Polish occasional awkward noun phrases and coordination so that the more complex sentences read completely naturally.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.