Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The attitude of children towards the society is mainly based on the knowledge they get from books, TV and media. However, some think it is the responsibility of parents to read the stories to children, while others think children have the ability to read and understand the things on media, books by themselves. I will discuss both aspects in the below paragraphs. Firstly, Parents are the first teacher to their kids. Parents are the one who will have a vast influence in moulding children for the betterment of their future. Parents can convey the right messages gathered from books, TV, media in a more precise way. Also, parents can broaden children's view by discussing various elements of life by telling stories. Furthermore, parents can teach more the efficient method of reading books and gathering information from the media. On the contrary, too much influence of parents develops a dependent attitude in children, which reduces the self-confidence in taking decisions. Children will also follow negative aspects of their parents as they are not getting enough opportunity to think in different directions. Secondly, children develop a unique ability of self-decision and judgment if they are allowed to read books, watch TV, media. This self-dependence will have a positive impact on their academic carries. In addition, creativity and imagination will be moulded according to their experience and imagination. On the other hand, children will accept everything without knowing the positive and negative elements which will impact their personality and future. To sum up, I opine that, both approaches have advantages and disadvantage but parents have more influence on the development of positive attitude in children by guiding them in each element. However, parents should act in such a way that, the learning and independent decision taking abilities of their children are not compromised.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: towards the society Suggested revision: towards society Why it matters: Society is used in a general sense here and does not take the definite article.
- 2. Use the standard phrase Original: below Suggested revision: following Why it matters: Following is the idiomatic adjective for paragraphs that come next.
- 3. Fix capitalization Original: Parents Suggested revision: parents Why it matters: Parents should not be capitalized after the introductory adverb.
- 4. Match plural forms Original: the first teacher to their kids Suggested revision: their children's first teachers Why it matters: The complement should agree with the plural subject Parents.
- 5. Fix agreement and tense Original: Parents are the one who will have Suggested revision: Parents are the ones who have Why it matters: The plural subject requires ones, and the simple present suits this general claim.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: for the betterment of their future Suggested revision: to build a better future Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended purpose more directly and naturally.
- 7. Coordinate the list Original: books, TV, media Suggested revision: books, television and other media Why it matters: The list needs a conjunction and a clear relationship between television and other media.
- 8. Use the natural plural Original: view Suggested revision: perspectives Why it matters: Perspectives is the more natural noun for expanding how children understand life.
- 9. Avoid repeated by Original: by discussing various elements of life by telling stories Suggested revision: by discussing various aspects of life through stories Why it matters: Through clearly expresses the means and aspects fits the abstract topic more naturally.
- 10. Fix word order Original: teach more the efficient method Suggested revision: teach more efficient methods Why it matters: More belongs directly before efficient, and the general reference requires a plural noun.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: too much influence of parents Suggested revision: too much parental influence Why it matters: Parental influence is the standard concise expression in this context.
- 12. Fix reference and collocation Original: reduces the self-confidence in taking decisions Suggested revision: reduces children's confidence in making decisions Why it matters: The revision identifies whose confidence is affected and uses the standard phrase making decisions.
Suggested Rewrites
- towards the society towards society
- below following
- Parents parents
- the first teacher to their kids their children's first teachers
- Parents are the one who will have Parents are the ones who have
- for the betterment of their future to build a better future
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both perspectives and reaches a qualified, relevant opinion that balances parental guidance with children’s independence. Its main weakness is presentation: the entire discussion appears as one dense paragraph, transitions are sometimes mechanical, and frequent collocation and grammar problems weaken precision. Separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs, develop each view with a specific example, and revise recurring agreement, article, and word-choice errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer gives a clear qualified opinion, but supporting ideas remain general and sometimes insufficiently explained.
Develop each perspective with one specific example showing how parental guidance or independent media use affects a child.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence, but the lack of paragraph breaks and mechanical signposting make the discussion dense and weaken progression.
Organise the response into an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion, with each paragraph centred on one clear purpose.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss development and independence, but frequent awkward collocations and inaccurate choices reduce precision.
Replace unnatural expressions such as self-decision and academic carries with standard phrases such as independent decision-making and academic careers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent errors with agreement, articles, prepositions, and punctuation limit grammatical control.
Proofread systematically for singular-plural agreement and article use, then remove unnecessary commas that separate clauses or introductory reporting phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.