Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some would say that parents should teach their offspring how to be good members of society, while others are of the opinion that school is the best in this regard. This essay agrees with the latter point and will show that, despite the practical experiences that parents give their children, school lessons can give deep insights into what it takes to be good citizens.
Some believe that parents can educate their children about being good members of society based on their life experiences. This is because the life experiences that parents can give their children are straightforward, down-to-earth, and so they can easily apply what their parents teach them in reality. For example, many children in Thailand become more polite, honest, and caring to everyone as a direct result of the practical lessons that their parents give them at home. However, I believe that parents now are so busy and do not spend much time with their children teaching them.
Lessons at school can provide children with valuable insights into being good members of society. In class, students can receive lessons about different traits of a truly good person that society needs, and then they put what they learn into practice by creating real-life problems and solving them together. For instance, after receiving lessons in civic education at school, many Vietnamese students are more willing to help their neighbors and even strangers, and they feel extremely happy after doing something good for others. For this reason, I believe that school lessons are more influential to young children.
In conclusion, despite the practical experiences that parents can give their children at home, this essay believes that school lessons can help students deepen their understanding of being good members of society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural register Original: offspring Suggested revision: children Why it matters: Offspring sounds overly biological in a discussion of parenting and education.
- 2. State the role clearly Original: school is the best in this regard Suggested revision: schools are best suited to this role Why it matters: The revision names the educational role more precisely.
- 3. Improve verb choice Original: give Suggested revision: provide Why it matters: Provide is the more natural collocation with insights in formal writing.
- 4. Use idiomatic phrase Original: apply what their parents teach them in reality Suggested revision: apply what their parents teach them in real life Why it matters: In real life is the natural phrase for practical application.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: caring to everyone Suggested revision: caring towards others Why it matters: Caring takes towards when it describes an attitude to other people.
- 6. Improve adverb placement Original: parents now are so busy Suggested revision: parents are now often too busy Why it matters: This word order and degree expression convey the intended generalization more naturally.
- 7. Remove attachment ambiguity Original: with their children teaching them Suggested revision: teaching their children Why it matters: The original placement can wrongly suggest that the children are doing the teaching.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: school lessons are more influential to young children Suggested revision: school lessons have more influence on young children Why it matters: Influence on is the natural noun-based construction for this relationship.
- 9. Use a human subject Original: this essay believes Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: An essay cannot literally hold a belief, so the writer should be the grammatical subject.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In class, students can receive lessons about different traits of a truly good person that society needs, and then they put what they learn into practice by creating real-life problems and solving them together. Suggested revision: In class, students can learn about the qualities society values and then apply these lessons by working together to solve real-life problems. Why it matters: The revision removes awkward phrasing and clarifies that students solve rather than create the problems.
Suggested Rewrites
- offspring children
- school is the best in this regard schools are best suited to this role
- give provide
- apply what their parents teach them in reality apply what their parents teach them in real life
- caring to everyone caring towards others
- parents now are so busy parents are now often too busy
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response clearly discusses both perspectives, sustains its preference for school-based learning, and uses a well-controlled four-paragraph structure with relevant examples. Its main limitation is that some support remains generalized or assumed, particularly the claim that busy parents are less effective, while repeated wording reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the comparison by explaining why structured civic education produces outcomes that parental example alone may not consistently achieve.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed, the writer's preference is consistent, and each position receives relevant explanation and illustration.
Deepen the evaluation by showing more explicitly why school instruction is more consistently effective than parental example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised, with clear paragraph purposes and smooth progression from the two views to a consistent conclusion.
Reduce repeated framing around lessons and life experiences to make the movement between supporting points even more economical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise, though repeated task language and a few awkward combinations limit full flexibility.
Vary recurring phrases such as good members of society and use more natural collocations, including influential for or influential in shaping children.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of simple and complex structures is handled with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Refine occasional ambiguous modifiers and word order, especially where a final phrase could appear to modify the wrong noun.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.