When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
When a new town is plannedplamed, there is always a problem to solve: whether they should buildwhether should they build more public parks or sports facilities or more shopping centers? Although more shopping malls may provide conveniences for those shoppers. I believe building more public facilities is a farfad better choice.
More public facilities help people livehelppeople to live a more satisfying life. With a public park nearby. evem the laziest person will ao outdoors and breathe the fresh air there People can take a walkin the park together with their family members, chatting and having a lot of fun. Thisfun This is of course moremuch beneficial to their health than staying at home, sitting in front of a TVin front of TV or a computer like a couchsofa potato. At the same time, when people are enjoying their time in the park or the sportssponts field, the townfield.the town or city willwil become much more peaceful and quieta lot more peace and quiet.
However, ifthere are more shopping centressentres than parks in the towm or city, it will become much more crowded, noisy and dirty. When the street is lined with all kinds of stores, there willwin be numerous vehicles coming and going, and when shoppers rushinto these stores, they will make noise that is intolerable to city dwellersthey wil make noise intolerable to the city dwellers. As so many peoplepaople crowd into a limited space like a shopping centresentres, the safety problem may also arise. Some people may argue that, despite all these problems, more shopping centres willwil benefit people by saving their shopping time. Thisshopping time This argument does not hold much water, however. On the one hand, having to push your way through throngs of people when shopping does not really save your time; on the other hand, as more and more families have cars, it does notreally costmore time if they drive to the shopping.centres builtin the wider space outside ofthe town or city.
To conclude, I prefer to have more public facilities to shopping centres in a new town. A towm with more public facilities is more peaceful, quiet and safer while a town with more shopping.centres is noisy, crowded and therefore less desirable. My sugeastion is that shopping centresbe built in the suburb of the town/city where more spaces are available.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops a substantial comparison between public facilities and shopping centres, with several relevant consequences and a practical concluding suggestion. Its main limitation is the pervasive spelling, spacing, punctuation, and sentence-formation errors, which repeatedly disrupt fluency despite meaning usually remaining recoverable. The highest-priority improvement is a systematic proofreading pass focused on sentence boundaries and basic word accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly agrees with the proposition and supports that view through developed health, environmental, safety, and convenience arguments.
Make the comparison more nuanced by acknowledging one genuine leisure or community benefit that shopping centres might provide before rebutting it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall progression is logical and paragraph purposes are clear, but faulty sentence boundaries and crowded clauses interrupt the flow.
Use complete sentences within each paragraph and separate examples, consequences, and counterarguments with controlled punctuation.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range for the topic, including some less common vocabulary, but extremely frequent spelling and word-form errors reduce control.
Proofread every content word and practise accurate forms and collocations such as far better, more beneficial, sports field, and shopping centre.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent fragments, malformed questions, agreement errors, and missing punctuation weaken accuracy.
Prioritise complete clause structures and reliable comparative forms before attempting long multi-clause sentences.