In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Global tourism is enjoying an upsurge in popularity nowadays. However, this trend is accompanied by many complaints that similarities of the landscapes considerably reduce the delights and attractions of travel. Globalisation, in my mind, is the greatest reason for the similarities. I also think that it has more disadvantages than benefits. No doubt, globalisation unifies the world in many different aspects. Girls in Shanghai can be witnessed to have the same street look as those in Paris and Milan; KFC and Pizza Hut are popular in Bangkok as they are back in California; the amazing film "2012" was premiered internationally at the same moment. Tourist attractions cannot escape from this sweeping trend. Therefore, it is quite normal to hear comments from a tourist in Hong Kong, claiming that what he or she has seen is just the same as in Tokyo. This phenomenon, to me, is a depressing one despite a few minor benefits that it might offer. People may have sacrificed too many of their cultural identities for this. Culture is our ancestors' most treasurable heritage that is supposed to be passed on from generation to generation. It would be disastrous if people could only recall those busy shopping streets instead of the traditional lanes and houses after their trip to Vietnam. And I remember how frustrated I was when I found a lot of popular souvenirs in some foreign countries that could be bought back in Ho Chi Minh City — those delicate wooden sculptures really seemed far less appealing to me. To conclude, since the trend of globalisation is inevitable, I suggest that both the government and the public make joint efforts in protecting and preserving their unique cultural features. Otherwise, global tourism would eventually turn out to be boring and pointless.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct comparison preposition Original: similarities of the landscapes Suggested revision: similarities among landscapes Why it matters: Among is the appropriate preposition when comparing multiple landscapes.
- 2. Use natural expression Original: reduce the delights and attractions of travel Suggested revision: reduce the appeal of travel Why it matters: Appeal of travel expresses the intended loss of enjoyment more naturally.
- 3. Use formal stance phrase Original: mind Suggested revision: view Why it matters: In my view is the conventional phrase for stating an opinion in formal writing.
- 4. Use precise cause noun Original: the greatest reason Suggested revision: the main cause Why it matters: Main cause is more precise and natural when explaining why a trend occurs.
- 5. Use concise transition Original: No doubt Suggested revision: Undoubtedly Why it matters: The adverb provides a smoother formal transition into the explanation.
- 6. Use natural phrase Original: in many different aspects Suggested revision: in many respects Why it matters: In many respects is the idiomatic expression for the intended breadth.
- 7. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: escape from this sweeping trend Suggested revision: escape this sweeping trend Why it matters: Escape takes a direct object without from in this construction.
- 8. Remove empty substitute Original: a depressing one Suggested revision: depressing Why it matters: The adjective alone completes the complement more directly.
- 9. Correct quantity phrase Original: sacrificed too many of their cultural identities Suggested revision: sacrificed too much of their cultural identity Why it matters: Identity is treated as an abstract collective concept here, so much is appropriate.
- 10. Clarify reference Original: for this Suggested revision: because of this trend Why it matters: Naming the trend removes the vague reference of this.
- 11. Use standard adjective Original: treasurable Suggested revision: treasured Why it matters: Treasured is the standard adjective for something highly valued.
- 12. Remove unnecessary conjunction Original: And I remember Suggested revision: I remember Why it matters: The sentence connects clearly to the previous example without the initial conjunction.
Suggested Rewrites
- similarities of the landscapes similarities among landscapes
- reduce the delights and attractions of travel reduce the appeal of travel
- mind view
- the greatest reason the main cause
- No doubt Undoubtedly
- in many different aspects in many respects
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly identifies globalisation as the cause of growing similarity and gives vivid examples of standardised clothing, food, media, attractions, and souvenirs. Its major limitation is that it claims disadvantages outweigh benefits without explaining any actual advantage, so the comparison is incomplete; the single-block structure also weakens organisation. The highest priority is to develop at least one concrete benefit and weigh it explicitly against cultural loss before restating the verdict.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The cause and disadvantages are developed clearly, but the advantages are only mentioned and never explained despite the required comparison.
Develop a specific advantage, such as familiarity or convenience for travellers, and show explicitly why cultural loss is more significant.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning moves understandably from globalisation to cultural loss and a recommendation, but the entire essay is presented as one block.
Use separate paragraphs for the cause, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion, with a clear comparison linking the two sides.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied vocabulary and vivid examples, though several expressions are awkward or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as 'the delights and attractions of travel', 'same street look', and 'most treasurable heritage' with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are frequent and generally accurate, with occasional awkward passive constructions and prepositional choices.
Prefer direct structures such as 'girls in Shanghai may dress like girls in Paris' and proofread articles and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.