In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Our world has essentially become a global village, and it is only expected that things, including sceneries in different places, would look similar in one way or another. I think that these similarities carry more advantages than disadvantages, and this essay will explain why, as well as the reason behind such similarities.
Globalization is perhaps the single most contributing factor which makes cities look similar, makes Western food common in distant Asian countries, and inspires Africans to wear dresses designed by European designers. For instance, the last time I travelled to Tokyo in Japan, a city that was supposed to be quite a contrast from London or New York, I could hardly believe that I was out of my homeland!
Of course, it has some disadvantages since visitors are unable to see or experience anything “new” by investing their time and money. In this way, they are losing the benefits of their unique cultural identities, and the privileges that are associated with them. But, if we look at the bigger picture, we will see that such similarities are actually bringing us closer to each other, by eliminating at least some of the misunderstandings among us, as well as some invisible, man-made, cultural “barriers”, we had, among each other. And when we have a sense of more “closeness” among us, we will try harder to cooperate with each other to eradicate poverty and suffering from our world, sooner rather than later. Here we can actually dare argue that if we had such “cooperation” among us in the past, we did not really need to deal with people like “Hitler” or “Genghis Khan”.
In conclusion, we do not need some sceneries or popular landmarks to become symbols of “cultural and identity separation”, rather we want them to minimize the “difference” among us. And that is exactly what happens when we find places and sceneries to be similar to each other in different countries, even though its effects are not always visible and measurable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable scenery Original: sceneries Suggested revision: scenery Why it matters: “Scenery” is normally uncountable when referring generally to the appearance of places.
- 2. Match the expectation Original: would Suggested revision: should Why it matters: “Should” expresses the expected result more naturally in this context.
- 3. Use a natural collocation Original: carry Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: Similarities can “offer” advantages, whereas “carry advantages” is an unnatural collocation.
- 4. Use the plural form Original: the reason behind such similarities Suggested revision: the reasons for such similarities Why it matters: The essay discusses causes generally, so the plural noun and standard preposition are appropriate.
- 5. Fix the superlative phrase Original: most Suggested revision: greatest Why it matters: “Greatest contributing factor” is the idiomatic superlative construction.
- 6. Avoid sweeping wording Original: inspires Africans to wear dresses designed by European designers Suggested revision: encourages people in Africa to wear clothing designed in Europe Why it matters: The revision preserves the example while avoiding an unnecessarily broad label and repeated “design” wording.
- 7. Use the right expression Original: out of my homeland Suggested revision: away from my homeland Why it matters: “Away from” correctly expresses being in another country, while “out of” is unnatural here.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: it has some disadvantages Suggested revision: this global similarity has some disadvantages Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes the unclear reference of “it.”
- 9. Fix the logical relation Original: by Suggested revision: despite Why it matters: “Despite” correctly shows that travellers pay and spend time but still miss new experiences.
- 10. Remove the extra comma Original: But, Suggested revision: But Why it matters: A comma is not required immediately after the coordinating conjunction here.
- 11. Remove the interrupting comma Original: closer to each other, by eliminating Suggested revision: closer to each other by eliminating Why it matters: The manner phrase directly modifies “bringing,” so it should not be separated by a comma.
- 12. Simplify the modifiers Original: some invisible, man-made, cultural “barriers”, Suggested revision: some invisible man-made cultural barriers Why it matters: The cumulative modifiers do not need commas, and the final comma incorrectly separates the noun from its relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- sceneries scenery
- would should
- carry offer
- the reason behind such similarities the reasons for such similarities
- most greatest
- inspires Africans to wear dresses designed by European designers encourages people in Africa to wear clothing designed in Europe
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay answers both parts, maintains a clear view that the benefits are greater, and links globalisation to increasingly similar cities, food, and fashion. Its main limitation is that the causal analysis rests almost entirely on one broad factor, while some claimed benefits become speculative and historically exaggerated. Develop two concrete mechanisms of globalisation and support the comparison with realistic, directly relevant consequences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with a clear position, a relevant cause, and developed advantages and disadvantages, although some support becomes speculative.
Explain separate mechanisms such as multinational business, global media, and standardised urban development, then use realistic evidence to weigh their effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically paragraphised and the argument progresses from cause to evaluation, though the long third paragraph contains some loose chaining and repetition.
Separate the disadvantage from the advantages and ensure each paragraph advances one clearly bounded part of the comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, but awkward phrases such as more closeness, cultural and identity separation, and sceneries reduce precision.
Use natural abstract nouns and collocations such as greater closeness, cultural distinctiveness, and scenery, and avoid unnecessary quotation marks.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted successfully, but conditional forms, pronoun reference, punctuation, and agreement errors recur.
Review third conditional structures and break heavily punctuated sentences into shorter units with clear subjects and referents.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.