Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extant do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
As metropolitan areas are becoming more overpopulated and tree density is dropping, many people think we should focus on planting more trees rather than building housing. I strongly support this idea.
There are many direct advantages as to why people should plant more trees in urban areas. Firstly, many scientists proved that trees improve a lot of environmental metrics within a short time. For example, planting more trees results in cleaner air, lower average temperature, and a reduced carbon footprint. Secondly, allocating more space to trees can improve the aesthetic look of cities. For example, cities can build more botanical gardens that host various flowers and other beautiful plants. From an architectural aspect, this can add more contrast between the sharp look of buildings and the softer look of plants and flowers.
Moreover, there are indirect benefits when there are more open spaces dedicated to trees. The first one is that to implement this policy, the government might need to demolish many old residential areas to have areas for parks. This decision is beneficial in many ways. For example, new apartment buildings can accommodate more people and ensure a higher quality of life. The second one is that with more parks, citizens can witness an improvement in both their physical and mental health. Children can hang out and exercise in these parks and botanical gardens, thus improving their physical health. Senior citizens and even working people can take afternoon or night walk to relax, thus improving their mental health.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that urban areas should plant more trees due to their various benefits, both directly and indirectly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural form Original: more Suggested revision: increasingly Why it matters: The adverb 'increasingly' expresses a developing degree more naturally here.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: dropping Suggested revision: declining Why it matters: 'Declining' is more appropriate for describing a measurable downward trend.
- 3. Correct the expression Original: advantages as to why Suggested revision: reasons why Why it matters: 'Advantages as to why' combines two incompatible expressions.
- 4. Use present perfect Original: many scientists proved Suggested revision: many scientists have shown Why it matters: The present perfect better connects past research findings to the current claim.
- 5. Use formal vocabulary Original: improve a lot of environmental metrics Suggested revision: improve many environmental indicators Why it matters: 'Environmental indicators' is more precise and formal than 'a lot of environmental metrics.'
- 6. Use the plural noun Original: temperature Suggested revision: temperatures Why it matters: The general reference to temperatures requires the plural form.
- 7. Avoid redundant wording Original: the aesthetic look of cities Suggested revision: the appearance of cities Why it matters: 'Aesthetic look' is redundant, while 'appearance' conveys the intended meaning concisely.
- 8. Choose a natural verb Original: host Suggested revision: feature Why it matters: Gardens more naturally 'feature' flowers than 'host' them.
- 9. Use the standard phrase Original: aspect Suggested revision: perspective Why it matters: 'From an architectural perspective' is the conventional expression for this viewpoint.
- 10. Improve the collocation Original: add more contrast Suggested revision: create greater contrast Why it matters: 'Create greater contrast' is a more natural collocation.
- 11. Express purpose clearly Original: to have areas for parks Suggested revision: to create space for parks Why it matters: 'Create space for parks' states the intended purpose more naturally.
- 12. Fix number and phrasing Original: take afternoon or night walk Suggested revision: take afternoon or evening walks Why it matters: The plural 'walks' is required for a general activity, and 'evening' is more natural in this pairing.
Suggested Rewrites
- more increasingly
- dropping declining
- advantages as to why reasons why
- many scientists proved many scientists have shown
- improve a lot of environmental metrics improve many environmental indicators
- temperature temperatures
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops several relevant environmental, aesthetic, and health benefits with generally logical organisation and varied language. Its main limitation is that the second body paragraph makes an unclear leap from demolishing residential areas to constructing new apartments, weakening the argument about prioritising trees over housing; the highest-priority improvement is to explain this trade-off more coherently and support it with a concrete urban-planning example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant benefits are extended, although the redevelopment argument is not fully coherent.
Clarify how creating green space can be prioritised while still meeting housing needs, using one logically developed example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs, with generally effective linking despite some mechanical sequencing language.
Use fewer numbered transitions and make the logical relationship between redevelopment, housing, and park creation explicit.
Lexical Resource
A varied vocabulary conveys environmental and architectural ideas effectively, though several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as 'direct advantages as to why' and 'aesthetic look' with more natural, precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with good control, and the occasional errors do not impede communication.
Improve article, number, and tense control in phrases such as 'take afternoon or night walk' and 'scientists proved.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extant do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.