Many studies show that poor people are more likely to be involved in petty and serious crimes than people who come from higher-income groups. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Many studies shed light on the fact that individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds are more prone to engage in both minor and grave crimes than those who come from privileged backgrounds. I subscribe to the studies’ findings, and this essay will discuss how poor individuals’ socioeconomic conditions contribute to their criminal tendencies.
Individuals who come from lower-income families are more vulnerable to crimes due to their socioeconomic conditions. They quite often have limited access to basic resources, such as education, job opportunities, and means of economic progress. This results in low wages, chronic unemployment, and economic instability. In consequence, they struggle to meet the fundamental needs of life. This eventually forces them to engage in criminal activities as a means of survival for their families. For example, individuals who cannot even afford to buy the bare necessities of life may commit petty theft because the gravity of the daily subsistence struggle takes priority over anything else.
Likewise, socioeconomic inequalities also drive some individuals to carry out heinous crimes. Systemic disparities can inculcate a sense of discrimination and marginalization among poor people. When they perceive inequalities of opportunity as an obstacle in the way of upward social mobility, it can breed desperation in alleviating their social status. This, in turn, can increase the likelihood of committing serious crimes so as to climb the socio-economic ladder. In pursuit of upward social mobility, for instance, many individuals from disadvantaged families can engage in criminal activities, such as woman trafficking, drug smuggling, and bank robbery, to gain wealth and power that they deem impossible through legal means.
To recapitulate, I believe that there is a close relationship between poverty and crime because limited access to basic resources and systemic disparities can encourage poor people to commit crimes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use gerund complement Original: engage Suggested revision: engaging Why it matters: The adjective phrase “prone to” requires a gerund.
- 2. Clarify intended role Original: more vulnerable to crimes Suggested revision: more likely to commit crimes Why it matters: “Vulnerable to crime” normally describes potential victims, not potential offenders.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: means of economic progress Suggested revision: avenues for economic advancement Why it matters: The replacement expresses opportunities for improving one’s economic position more naturally.
- 4. Use natural linker Original: In consequence Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: “Consequently” is the conventional transition for this result.
- 5. Avoid absolute causation Original: This eventually forces them Suggested revision: This may eventually compel them Why it matters: The modal preserves the argument while avoiding an unjustifiably absolute claim.
- 6. Use clear phrasing Original: the gravity of the daily subsistence struggle Suggested revision: the pressure of meeting daily needs Why it matters: The original nominal phrase is heavy and does not collocate naturally.
- 7. Remove redundant linker Original: Likewise, socioeconomic inequalities also Suggested revision: Likewise, socioeconomic inequalities Why it matters: “Likewise” and “also” perform the same linking function.
- 8. Use standard collocation Original: carry out heinous crimes Suggested revision: commit serious crimes Why it matters: Crimes are conventionally described as being committed.
- 9. Clarify affected group Original: inculcate a sense of discrimination and marginalization among poor people Suggested revision: cause poor people to feel discriminated against and marginalized Why it matters: “Inculcate” means instilling an idea or habit and is inappropriate for these experiences.
- 10. Complete adjective complement Original: wealth and power that they deem impossible through legal means Suggested revision: wealth and power that they believe are impossible to gain through legal means Why it matters: The adjective “impossible” needs an infinitive stating what cannot be achieved.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: When they perceive inequalities of opportunity as an obstacle in the way of upward social mobility, it can breed desperation in alleviating their social status. Suggested revision: When they perceive unequal opportunities as an obstacle to upward social mobility, this can create desperation to improve their social status. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the unclear pronoun reference and the incorrect collocation with “desperation.”
Suggested Rewrites
- engage engaging
- more vulnerable to crimes more likely to commit crimes
- means of economic progress avenues for economic advancement
- In consequence Consequently
- This eventually forces them This may eventually compel them
- the gravity of the daily subsistence struggle the pressure of meeting daily needs
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position and develops a strong causal distinction between survival-driven petty crime and serious crime linked to exclusion and blocked mobility. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement, particularly the implication that poverty forces offending, together with a few imprecise collocations. Prioritise qualifying the relationship as increased risk and acknowledge that poverty alone does not determine criminal behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and fully developed through two distinct socioeconomic mechanisms with relevant examples of petty and serious crime.
Qualify deterministic claims and briefly recognise that most disadvantaged people do not offend despite facing similar pressures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from deprivation-driven petty crime to inequality-related serious crime, with focused paragraphs and clear links.
Make the transition between deprivation and systemic inequality more comparative to emphasise why they lead to different crime types.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and appropriately academic, though several collocations are imprecise or overly forceful.
Refine expressions such as 'vulnerable to crimes', 'breed desperation in alleviating', and 'woman trafficking'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional reference or phrasing lapses.
Clarify pronoun reference in long causal sentences and retain consistent subject control across subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many studies show that poor people are more likely to be involved in petty and serious crimes than people who come from higher-income groups. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.