Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Crime is one of the serious problems prevailing worldwide, and it has been increasing at an exorbitant rate in recent years. As a result, every country is seeking to deal with this critical issue. Some people believe that longer prison sentences will assist in curbing crime, while others disagree and argue that there are better ways to deal with the issue of incarceration, such as education and providing ways of earning money, that are far more successful and beneficial. I find myself in agreement with the view that incarcerated persons should have access to education and employability skills.
To begin with, the crime rate in low-literacy countries is comparatively greater than in literate countries because illiterate people are unable to find work, so they resort to criminal activities to supplement their income, resulting in getting caught and being put behind bars. Since they have plenty of time in jail, they can use it to learn a course or a skill and become educated, which will help them after they have served their sentence. These offenders’ minds will be less inclined to engage in illegal activities if they spend their free time learning.
Furthermore, the convicts should be educated about the alternative ways of earning their daily bread such as sewing, plumbing, furniture refinishing, carpentry, cooking, doing laundry, gardening, packaging, painting, etc. In this way, the prisoners can get a chance to learn and work while carrying out their sentences, which will also help them to sustain themselves after they’ve completed their term. Employability skills and basic understanding of how to make money will help offenders gain confidence in their ability to become a good person and reintegrate with the society Thus, educating criminals provides a number of benefits.
However, some people opine that offenders should face longer jail sentences since this phenomenon will invoke fear in other convicts, stopping them from committing crimes again. This is predominantly because offenders might not go down the same path after being released as they would fear the consequences related to it.
To sum up, the inability to find work after serving a jail sentence is one of the key factors that drive convicts to commit crimes again; however, I believe that if these criminals are provided with access to education and work skills in prison, then their life could take a turn towards a better and crime-free future. Thus, education will provide the offenders with the right direction to live a life free of crime.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve collocation Original: exorbitant Suggested revision: alarming Why it matters: "Alarming rate" is the more natural collocation for a troubling increase in crime.
- 2. Correct collocation Original: learn Suggested revision: take Why it matters: English uses "take a course" for enrolling in and completing instruction.
- 3. Fix illogical subject Original: These offenders’ minds Suggested revision: These offenders Why it matters: People, rather than their minds, are described as being inclined to engage in activities.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: the alternative ways of earning their daily bread Suggested revision: practical ways to earn a living Why it matters: This revision is more direct and appropriate for an academic essay.
- 5. Clarify prison term Original: after they’ve completed their term Suggested revision: after they have completed their sentences Why it matters: "Sentences" clearly refers to the periods of imprisonment being served.
- 6. Add missing article Original: Employability skills and basic understanding Suggested revision: Employability skills and a basic understanding Why it matters: The singular countable noun "understanding" needs an article here.
- 7. Fix phrase and boundary Original: with the society Thus, Suggested revision: into society. Thus, Why it matters: The correct phrase is "reintegrate into society", and the next sentence needs a full stop.
- 8. Use precise reference Original: this phenomenon will invoke fear Suggested revision: this punishment will instil fear Why it matters: "This punishment" names the referent clearly, and "instil fear" is the natural collocation.
- 9. Clarify reference Original: the consequences related to it Suggested revision: the consequences of doing so Why it matters: The revision makes the reference to committing crimes again explicit.
- 10. Match plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The possessive determiner refers to multiple criminals, so "lives" must be plural.
- 11. Tighten opening phrase Original: one of the serious problems prevailing worldwide Suggested revision: one of the most serious problems worldwide Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward participle and makes the intended ranking explicit.
- 12. Use precise training verb Original: the convicts should be educated about Suggested revision: prisoners should be trained in Why it matters: "Trained in" fits the practical skills listed immediately afterwards.
Suggested Rewrites
- exorbitant alarming
- learn take
- These offenders’ minds These offenders
- the alternative ways of earning their daily bread practical ways to earn a living
- after they’ve completed their term after they have completed their sentences
- Employability skills and basic understanding Employability skills and a basic understanding
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops a persuasive link between prison education, employability, and reduced reoffending. The main limitation is that several claims are broad or repetitive, while the brief discussion of longer sentences is less fully developed than the supporting case. Strengthen the argument by replacing general assertions and long lists with more precise explanation and a carefully evaluated counterargument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question directly, maintains agreement throughout, and develops relevant reasons concerning education, work skills, and recidivism.
Replace broad claims about literacy and crime with more qualified reasoning and develop the counterargument before rebutting it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically organised into clear paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader through the argument effectively.
Tighten progression by reducing repetition between the two supporting paragraphs and linking the counterargument more explicitly to the thesis.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally appropriate vocabulary range conveys the argument clearly, despite occasional awkward or inaccurate word combinations.
Improve precision in phrases such as learn a course, reintegrate with society, and invoke fear in offenders.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good overall control, and the few grammatical or punctuation lapses rarely affect clarity.
Check agreement, article use, pronoun reference, and sentence-boundary punctuation to eliminate the remaining local errors.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.