Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Recently, crime has been spirallingincreasing out of control. Some hold the idea that in order to deter crimecrimes, criminals should be given educationproper education while in prison. Personally, I partly share this viewshare the same view with this.
To begin with, nurture, not nature, is responsible for harmfulmalignant and antisocial behaviours. That is to say, everybody is born with good characterpersonalities and what turns some into criminals is parental neglect and lack of education. Many studies have shown that children who are not supervised by their parents on a regular basis are much more likelymany times more likely to go off the rails, act selfishlycommit acts of selfishness or behave aggressively towards othersto behave aggressively against others. Therefore, manya good number of released prisonersprisoners after being released will not repeat their offences if they are given an education.
In addition, while in prisonwhile being in jail, inmates have plenty of time that may be wastedtime which can be misspent. For example, some of them spend their time gambling with their cellmates or accessing material with objectionable contentmaterials with objectionable contents. Thus, giving them access to educationgiving them the opportunity to be educated reduces the amount of timetranslates to the reduction of time, which might otherwise be frittered awaycan be potentially frittered away or used for malicious purposes.
Nevertheless, there are objections to this perspective as well. Those who oppose it claimit, claim that the proposedpotential program of educating prisonersgiving education to criminals can place a heavy burden on the government budgetcost a huge amount of money from the Government budget. However, considering the benefitsresult it can deliver in the long run as far as societal stability is concerned, this program is not a waste of taxpayers’ money.
In conclusion, in my view, education can reduce participation in criminal activities, and inmates should receive an education while serving time.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay is clearly organised and uses a good range of language to explain why education in prison may be beneficial. However, the stated partial agreement is not sustained, and several arguments focus on upbringing or occupying inmates rather than how education enables employment and reduces crime after release. The priority is to establish one consistent position and develop each reason around the precise mechanism in the question.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses prison education and supports it, but its position is inconsistent and key ideas only partly engage with employment and post-release crime reduction.
State a consistent degree of agreement and explain directly how education leads to employability and lower reoffending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses through clear paragraphs with generally effective sequencing, although some internal logical links are imprecise.
Use each paragraph's topic sentence to establish a direct cause-and-effect link between prison education and reduced crime.
Lexical Resource
There is a flexible range of topic vocabulary, but several combinations such as deter crimes and reduction of time are unnatural or imprecise.
Choose more exact collocations, especially when describing deterrence, rehabilitation, and how inmates use their time.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with generally good control, despite occasional article, punctuation, and clause-level errors.
Proofread complex sentences for unnecessary commas, article use, and clearer relative-clause construction.