Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Recently, crime has been increasing out of control. Some hold the idea that in order to deter crimes, criminals should be given proper education while in prison. Personally, I partly share the same view with this.
To begin with, nurture, not nature, is responsible for malignant and antisocial behaviours. That is to say, everybody is born with good personalities and what turns some into criminals is parental neglect and lack of education. Many studies have shown that children who are not supervised by their parents on a regular basis are many times more likely to go off the rails, commit acts of selfishness or to behave aggressively against others. Therefore, a good number of prisoners after being released will not repeat their offences if they are given an education.
In addition, while being in jail, inmates have plenty of time which can be misspent. For example, some of them spend their time gambling with their cellmates or accessing materials with objectionable contents. Thus, giving them the opportunity to be educated translates to the reduction of time, which can be potentially frittered away or used for malicious purposes.
Nevertheless, there are objections to this perspective as well. Those who oppose it, claim that the potential program of giving education to criminals can cost a huge amount of money from the Government budget. However, considering the result it can deliver in the long run as far as societal stability is concerned, this program is not a waste of taxpayers’ money.
In conclusion, in my view, education can reduce participation in criminal activities, and inmates should receive an education while serving time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural collocation Original: increasing Suggested revision: spiralling Why it matters: Spiralling out of control is the natural collocation for rapid, uncontrolled growth.
- 2. Use uncountable crime Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: Crime is used as an uncountable noun when referring to criminal activity generally.
- 3. Remove vague wording Original: proper education Suggested revision: education Why it matters: Proper is vague and adds no clear meaning in this context.
- 4. Correct the expression Original: share the same view with this Suggested revision: share this view Why it matters: Share this view is the standard expression for agreement with an opinion.
- 5. Choose a suitable adjective Original: malignant Suggested revision: harmful Why it matters: Malignant is unnatural when describing general patterns of human behaviour.
- 6. Use the natural noun Original: personalities Suggested revision: character Why it matters: Good character is the conventional expression for positive moral qualities.
- 7. Avoid unsupported precision Original: many times more likely Suggested revision: much more likely Why it matters: Much more likely avoids implying a specific numerical comparison that the sentence does not provide.
- 8. Use a direct verb Original: commit acts of selfishness Suggested revision: act selfishly Why it matters: The adverbial form expresses the same idea more naturally and concisely.
- 9. Fix parallel structure Original: to behave aggressively against others Suggested revision: behave aggressively towards others Why it matters: Removing to restores parallelism with go and commit, while towards is the natural preposition.
- 10. Use a concise quantifier Original: a good number of Suggested revision: many Why it matters: Many states the quantity more directly in formal writing.
- 11. Tighten the modifier Original: prisoners after being released Suggested revision: released prisoners Why it matters: The adjective form avoids the awkward placement of the time modifier.
- 12. Remove unnecessary wording Original: while being in jail Suggested revision: while in prison Why it matters: The reduced time phrase is grammatical and more concise.
Suggested Rewrites
- increasing spiralling
- crimes crime
- proper education education
- share the same view with this share this view
- malignant harmful
- personalities character
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay is clearly organised and uses a good range of language to explain why education in prison may be beneficial. However, the stated partial agreement is not sustained, and several arguments focus on upbringing or occupying inmates rather than how education enables employment and reduces crime after release. The priority is to establish one consistent position and develop each reason around the precise mechanism in the question.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses prison education and supports it, but its position is inconsistent and key ideas only partly engage with employment and post-release crime reduction.
State a consistent degree of agreement and explain directly how education leads to employability and lower reoffending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses through clear paragraphs with generally effective sequencing, although some internal logical links are imprecise.
Use each paragraph's topic sentence to establish a direct cause-and-effect link between prison education and reduced crime.
Lexical Resource
There is a flexible range of topic vocabulary, but several combinations such as deter crimes and reduction of time are unnatural or imprecise.
Choose more exact collocations, especially when describing deterrence, rehabilitation, and how inmates use their time.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with generally good control, despite occasional article, punctuation, and clause-level errors.
Proofread complex sentences for unnecessary commas, article use, and clearer relative-clause construction.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.