It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Some would argue that taking risks, both in terms of one’s private life and one’s working career, is advantageous overall. I am generally in agreement with this contention due to the potential for advancement and growth.
Firstly, risk-taking can expedite one’s career goals. Many workers decide early on that they are content with their position in society and therefore often fail to actualize their potential. Others, however, attempt various business enterprises and transition from field to field in order to find a good match. Although this may lead to short-term setbacks, in the long-term such ambitious individuals are far more likely to become very successful in life. Assuming that these risks are taken early in one’s career, there is a strong likelihood that they will eventually profit the risk-taker in question.
Moreover, an individual who takes risks will also develop more mature personal relationships. In more conservative countries, many young people do not begin to have serious romantic relationships until after university. The result of this is that they are often immature and it can lead to poor and naive choices in terms of marriage and parenting. In contrast, a person who takes risks in their personal life and enters into various relationships throughout high school and university will become a better judge of character. Their allegedly risky behavior can then serve as the foundation for personal growth and increased maturity.
In conclusion, taking risks can be a catalyst for tremendous growth and is therefore advisable. The disadvantages of risk-taking can also be mitigated in most contexts by not being inordinately reckless.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: working career Suggested revision: career Why it matters: A career already refers to working life, so ‘working’ is redundant.
- 2. Use direct phrasing Original: am generally in agreement with this contention Suggested revision: generally agree with this view Why it matters: The direct verb phrase is clearer and less formal without changing the position.
- 3. Correct collocation Original: expedite one’s career goals Suggested revision: accelerate progress toward one’s career goals Why it matters: People make progress toward goals rather than expedite the goals themselves.
- 4. Improve collocation Original: attempt various business enterprises Suggested revision: pursue various business ventures Why it matters: ‘Pursue business ventures’ is the more natural verb-noun combination.
- 5. Remove hyphen Original: in the long-term Suggested revision: in the long term Why it matters: ‘Long term’ is not hyphenated when it functions as a noun phrase after ‘in the’.
- 6. Increase precision Original: successful in life Suggested revision: professionally successful Why it matters: The replacement keeps the claim focused on the career outcome discussed in the paragraph.
- 7. Correct verb choice Original: profit the risk-taker in question Suggested revision: benefit the risk-taker Why it matters: ‘Benefit’ is the natural transitive verb for producing an advantage for someone.
- 8. Use accurate reference Original: allegedly risky behavior Suggested revision: risk-taking Why it matters: ‘Allegedly’ suggests doubt or accusation, which is not intended in this context.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: The result of this is that they are often immature and it can lead to poor and naive choices in terms of marriage and parenting. Suggested revision: As a result, they may remain immature, which can lead to poor and naive choices concerning marriage and parenting. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the unclear pronoun ‘it’ and makes the cause-and-effect relationship explicit.
- 10. Strengthen progression Suggested revision: Present the career examples in a clearer sequence: contentment, risk-taking alternatives, short-term setbacks, and then long-term outcomes. Why it matters: A more explicit sequence would make the paragraph’s progression easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- working career career
- am generally in agreement with this contention generally agree with this view
- expedite one’s career goals accelerate progress toward one’s career goals
- attempt various business enterprises pursue various business ventures
- in the long-term in the long term
- successful in life professionally successful
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is fluent, logically organised, and supported by well-developed examples from both professional and personal life, with precise and flexible language throughout. Its main limitation is that the disadvantages are acknowledged only briefly, so the comparative judgement is less fully demonstrated than the benefits. The highest priority is to examine the strongest drawback in each domain and explicitly show why the corresponding benefit outweighs it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear comparative position is supported by two well-developed advantages, while the disadvantages receive relatively limited analysis.
Develop the most significant professional and personal drawbacks before explicitly weighing each against the claimed gains.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress smoothly through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the argument without distracting from it.
Make the internal comparison even sharper by linking each acknowledged risk directly to the benefit that outweighs it.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, with only an occasional slightly awkward collocation.
Refine rare phrases such as profit the risk-taker to ensure every sophisticated expression sounds fully natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the response contains very few noticeable grammatical errors.
Polish the occasional awkward coordination or modifier so that complex sentences remain consistently elegant and unambiguous.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.