It is important for people to take risks in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is clear that individuals take risks in their personal and professional life. Without taking any risks in life, people cannot survive. However, taking risks has some merits and demerits related to their personal and professional life.
There are some drawbacks for people to taking a risk in their personal and professional life. First and foremost, daring constantly may make people feel burnout because risks pose a sense of uncertainty. This uncertain process, ongoing every so often, inhabits people to feel safe. Moreover, to take risks means accepting the beginning problems.
On the other hand, taking risks brings some advantages to people s personal and professional lives. Taking risks makes people stronger. That is, people can be a chance to people can be away from their comfort area by taking the risk. Being remote from the safety field gives a chance to people to improve and deal with some problems. As a result of this, people feel developed, and people trust themselves to tackle many problems. At this point, the level of self-confidence can be increased so much that people may feel happy. In addition, people can encounter new opportunities as valuable as they feel happy. In addition, people can encounter new opportunities as valuable as they may have a chance to advance their professional skills by taking the risk.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural lives Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural “lives” is required because the statement refers to multiple individuals and two areas of life.
- 2. Natural comparison phrase Original: merits and demerits related to their personal and professional life Suggested revision: advantages and disadvantages in their personal and professional lives Why it matters: This phrasing states the two sides more naturally and uses the correct plural noun.
- 3. Correct preposition pattern Original: drawbacks for people to taking a risk Suggested revision: drawbacks to people taking risks Why it matters: “Drawbacks to” is followed by a noun or gerund phrase.
- 4. Name the action Original: daring constantly Suggested revision: constantly taking risks Why it matters: “Daring” does not naturally express the repeated act of taking risks here.
- 5. Use adjective form Original: feel burnout Suggested revision: feel burned out Why it matters: After “feel,” the adjective phrase “burned out” is required.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: pose Suggested revision: create Why it matters: A situation creates or causes a sense of uncertainty rather than posing one.
- 7. Use gerund subject Original: to take risks means accepting Suggested revision: taking risks means accepting Why it matters: A gerund phrase is the more natural subject of “means.”
- 8. Natural adjective Original: the beginning problems Suggested revision: initial problems Why it matters: “Initial problems” is the standard phrase for difficulties at the beginning.
- 9. Add possessive apostrophe Original: people s personal Suggested revision: people's personal Why it matters: The possessive noun requires an apostrophe before the final “s.”
- 10. Use natural metaphor Original: Being remote from the safety field Suggested revision: Leaving their comfort zone Why it matters: “Comfort zone” is the established expression for a familiar, safe situation.
- 11. Correct word order Original: gives a chance to people to improve Suggested revision: gives people a chance to improve Why it matters: The recipient should follow “gives” directly in this construction.
- 12. Express personal growth Original: people feel developed Suggested revision: people feel that they have developed Why it matters: People are not normally described as “developed” when referring to their own progress.
Suggested Rewrites
- life lives
- merits and demerits related to their personal and professional life advantages and disadvantages in their personal and professional lives
- drawbacks for people to taking a risk drawbacks to people taking risks
- daring constantly constantly taking risks
- feel burnout feel burned out
- pose create
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response’s strongest feature is that it recognizes both disadvantages and advantages, with the advantages paragraph offering several relevant ideas about confidence and opportunity. However, it remains under length, gives the disadvantages limited development, and never states whether the advantages outweigh them. The highest priority is to establish a clear comparative judgment and support it through a balanced, fully developed argument and conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both sides but does not answer the required outweigh question, and its ideas are unevenly developed in an under-length essay.
State a clear judgment about which side is stronger, develop both sides with specific reasoning, and add a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing separates the two sides, but progression is weakened by repetition, abrupt claims, and an unfinished overall structure.
Give each paragraph one clear controlling idea and remove duplicated sentences before adding a concise concluding paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows some range, but frequent inaccurate word choices and unnatural collocations sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer precise common expressions such as leaving a comfort zone and feeling burned out over forced or incorrectly formed phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some simple and complex sentences are controlled, but frequent structural, possessive, and verb-pattern errors make several statements difficult to follow.
Build complete subject-verb-clause structures and proofread verb patterns and possessives before attempting more complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is important for people to take risks in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.