An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?
Sample Response
Nowadays more and more professionals that play a key role in the social stability and development, including in the spheres of education and medicine prefer to find a job in more developed countries that provide more opportunities. Evidently, it creates a deficiency and lack of professional help in the above-mentioned spheres. This essay will address the problems such situation causes and conceivable solutions to redress it.
The most serious problem associated with the drain of the experts in vital areas of life is the consequent shortage of specialists and hence, lack of professional help for citizens of poor countries that can lead to deterioration of the conditions of life. It goes without saying that it is the work of these specialists that is absolutely essential for the survival of people. For example, if professional, qualified doctors leave their poorer countries in search of a better life it leads to a deterioration in the medical help available and in some cases even considerable life losses and decrease of life expectancy. Therefore, local communities and the whole society are seriously affected by such changes in the labour market.
To redress the balance in such a situation there must be serious measures taken by the government. Considerable funds are to be invested in these spheres to contribute to the improvement of work conditions and salaries of different professionals. For example, governments might stimulate young professionals by paying them additional bonuses for working in public hospitals and schools or fund their education. This, in turn, will create better chances to retain stuff and boost the morale of experts, who might choose to stay in their countries in order to contribute to its growth and development.
To conclude, it is apparent that a great number of specialists, especially young ones, opt for working in more developed countries and this trend is unlikely to change in the foreseeable future. However, governments can try to solve this problem by allocating more funds and invest more in the enhancement of working conditions for specialists. Were they to turn a blind eye to the current situation, it would have a pernicious effect on their countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use human relative pronoun Original: that Suggested revision: who Why it matters: ‘Who’ is the appropriate relative pronoun for people.
- 2. Close inserted phrase Original: education and medicine prefer Suggested revision: education and medicine, prefer Why it matters: A comma is needed to close the inserted phrase before the main verb.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: a deficiency and lack Suggested revision: a shortage Why it matters: ‘Deficiency’ and ‘lack’ repeat the same meaning here.
- 4. Add missing article Original: the problems such situation causes Suggested revision: the problems such a situation causes Why it matters: The singular countable noun ‘situation’ requires an article.
- 5. Use precise term Original: drain of the experts Suggested revision: exodus of experts Why it matters: The revision expresses the departure of specialists more naturally.
- 6. Close conditional clause Original: life it leads Suggested revision: life, this leads Why it matters: The conditional clause needs a comma, and ‘this’ gives the main clause a clear subject.
- 7. Use standard expression Original: considerable life losses Suggested revision: considerable loss of life Why it matters: ‘Loss of life’ is the standard phrase for deaths.
- 8. Correct preposition Original: decrease of life expectancy Suggested revision: a decrease in life expectancy Why it matters: The noun ‘decrease’ takes ‘in’ when naming the measure that falls.
- 9. Improve passive structure Original: there must be serious measures taken Suggested revision: serious measures must be taken Why it matters: The revised passive construction is direct and grammatically natural.
- 10. Keep parallel structure Original: fund Suggested revision: funding Why it matters: The second option must match the gerund form after ‘by’.
- 11. Correct word choice Original: stuff Suggested revision: staff Why it matters: ‘Staff’ means employees, while ‘stuff’ means things or material.
- 12. Keep verb forms parallel Original: invest Suggested revision: investing Why it matters: Both coordinated verbs must use the gerund form after ‘by’.
Suggested Rewrites
- that who
- education and medicine prefer education and medicine, prefer
- a deficiency and lack a shortage
- the problems such situation causes the problems such a situation causes
- drain of the experts exodus of experts
- life it leads life, this leads
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly addresses the professional exodus, develops its social consequences, and proposes a well-supported government response in a clearly controlled structure. Its main limitation is occasional lexical and grammatical imprecision, including faulty collocations and agreement or parallel-structure errors, which slightly weakens an otherwise persuasive discussion. The highest priority is a careful final edit for precise word choice and sentence control while preserving the strong development and progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The central problem and a practical government solution are directly addressed, extended logically, and supported with relevant examples.
Broaden the discussion slightly by distinguishing the effects on education and healthcare while retaining the current depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a focused introduction, developed problem and solution paragraphs, and a clear conclusion, with cohesion well managed.
Refine a few broad references so that every pronoun and linking phrase points to a precise preceding idea.
Lexical Resource
A wide and appropriately formal vocabulary is used flexibly, although a few inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Proofread for exact lexical choices, particularly errors such as retain stuff and unnatural combinations such as considerable life losses.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with good control, while occasional article, agreement, and parallelism errors persist.
Correct isolated structural slips, especially missing articles and mismatched verb forms in coordinated phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.