Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. Why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or a negative impact on individuals and the society?
Sample Response
Environmental concerns and health awareness are increasingly at the forefront of public policy, motivating countries to invest heavily in promoting the use of bicycles. It seems to me that this move benefits almost every member of society and, therefore, the investment is justified.
One obvious reason for this investment is the growing recognition of the environmental benefits associated with cycling. Bicycles, as a clean and green mode of transportation, significantly reduce carbon emissions compared to motor vehicles. Cities like Amsterdam and Copenhagen, for instance, have successfully reduced their carbon footprint by implementing extensive cycling infrastructure and encouraging residents to cycle regularly. This shift improves local air quality, making cities more livable and sustainable, while simultaneously contributing to global efforts against climate change.
The promotion of cycling has a profoundly positive impact on public health. Regular bike riding is known to improve cardiovascular health, reduce stress, and enhance overall physical fitness. In Japan, where cycling is currently widely promoted, the population experienced a noticeable decrease in obesity rates and associated health problems. This improvement in public health not only enhances individual quality of life but also eases the burden on public healthcare systems, as a healthier population requires less medical intervention.
In conclusion, the investment in promoting bicycle use by some countries is a strategic response to environmental and health challenges. This approach not only aids in combating climate change and enhancing air quality but also promotes a healthier society. Despite potential initial challenges, the long-term benefits for individuals and society are significant, making this investment a positive and essential step towards a sustainable future.
Overall, the essay would likely receive a Band 8. It effectively addresses the task with a clear position, is well-organised, uses a wide range of vocabulary, and demonstrates a high level of grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the decision-maker Original: countries Suggested revision: governments Why it matters: Governments are the actors that make public-policy investment decisions, making the reference more precise.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: move Suggested revision: policy Why it matters: 'This policy' refers more explicitly to the investment described in the preceding sentence.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: clean and green Suggested revision: environmentally friendly Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: transportation Suggested revision: transport Why it matters: The shorter form conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 5. Correct the comparison Original: significantly reduce carbon emissions compared to motor vehicles Suggested revision: produce significantly fewer carbon emissions than motor vehicles Why it matters: The revision compares the emissions produced by bicycles and motor vehicles directly and grammatically.
- 6. Remove redundant linker Original: while simultaneously contributing Suggested revision: while contributing Why it matters: 'While' already signals simultaneous action, so the adverb is unnecessary.
- 7. Use consistent formal term Original: Regular bike riding Suggested revision: Regular cycling Why it matters: 'Cycling' is more concise, formal, and consistent with the terminology used elsewhere.
- 8. Add possessive form Original: individual quality of life Suggested revision: individuals' quality of life Why it matters: The possessive plural is needed to show that the quality of life belongs to individuals.
- 9. Clarify the modifier Original: the investment in promoting bicycle use by some countries Suggested revision: some countries' investment in promoting bicycle use Why it matters: The possessive structure makes it immediately clear that the countries are making the investment.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In Japan, where cycling is currently widely promoted, the population experienced a noticeable decrease in obesity rates and associated health problems. Suggested revision: In Japan, where cycling is widely promoted, there has been a noticeable decrease in obesity rates and associated health problems. Why it matters: The rewrite removes awkward adverb stacking and uses a tense that fits an ongoing present situation.
Suggested Rewrites
- countries governments
- move policy
- clean and green environmentally friendly
- transportation transport
- significantly reduce carbon emissions compared to motor vehicles produce significantly fewer carbon emissions than motor vehicles
- while simultaneously contributing while contributing
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions, maintains a clear positive position, and develops environmental and health benefits through fluent, well-controlled language. Its main weakness is the appended self-assessment, which is irrelevant to the task and disrupts an otherwise effective conclusion; some factual examples are also presented too categorically. Remove the grading commentary and deepen the explanation of why governments choose investment, keeping supporting claims cautious and clearly connected to the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear positive judgement and relevant, extended discussion of environmental and health considerations.
Remove the self-evaluation and explain the governmental motivation for health investment as explicitly as the environmental motivation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main argument progresses smoothly through focused paragraphs, but the final grading paragraph breaks the essay's logical closure.
End with the substantive conclusion and omit any commentary about the response or its likely score.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise range of environmental, transport, and public-health vocabulary is used fluently with only minor repetition.
Use more cautious reporting language for unverified examples instead of presenting every claimed outcome as established fact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response demonstrates a wide range of accurately controlled complex structures, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Refine occasional noun phrasing, such as the reference to society, while preserving the strong variety of sentence structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. Why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or a negative impact on individuals and the society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.