Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. Why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or a negative impact on individuals and the society?
Sample Response
Some countries invest significant amounts of money in promoting the use of bicycles. This essay will argue that governments do so primarily for health and environmental reasons, and that this trend has an overall positive impact on both individuals and society.
Governments promote cycling because of the health and environmental benefits it offers. From a public health perspective, higher rates of cycling can reduce the prevalence of lifestyle-related diseases such as diabetes, thereby lowering the burden on national healthcare systems. From an environmental standpoint, private vehicles remain one of the leading sources of urban air pollution and greenhouse gas emissions, and governments under pressure to meet international climate targets view cycling promotion as an effective measure. Since many people are already willing to cycle but are deterred by safety concerns or inadequate infrastructure, such as a shortage of secure bicycle parking, governments believe that addressing these barriers is a worthwhile investment.
When cycling becomes more widespread, meaningful changes occur at both the individual and societal levels. For individuals, quality of life improves as cycling becomes a practical way to incorporate regular exercise into a busy daily routine. It also helps reduce stress and improve mental well-being. At the societal level, cycling can revitalise local communities. Unlike car travel, cycling encourages people to slow down and engage with their surroundings, making them more likely to stop at local shops and cafes, thereby boosting local economic activity. Furthermore, investment in dedicated cycling lanes and shared bicycle schemes makes urban environments safer and more pleasant for all residents.
In conclusion, governments invest in cycling promotion for health and environmental reasons, and when these efforts succeed, the benefits extend to individuals and local communities alike. I therefore consider this trend to be a positive development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: significant amounts of money Suggested revision: substantial sums Why it matters: This is a more concise way to express the same idea.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: this trend has an overall positive impact Suggested revision: promoting cycling has an overall positive impact Why it matters: Naming the precise subject avoids an ambiguous reference to a trend.
- 3. Clarify the pronoun Original: it Suggested revision: cycling Why it matters: Repeating the subject makes the reference more immediate and precise.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: higher rates of cycling Suggested revision: more frequent cycling Why it matters: This collocation expresses increased participation more naturally.
- 5. Fix number agreement Original: private vehicles remain one of the leading sources Suggested revision: private vehicle use remains one of the leading sources Why it matters: The singular head noun aligns correctly with the one-of structure.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: view cycling promotion as an effective measure Suggested revision: view promoting cycling as an effective measure Why it matters: The gerund phrase is more direct and idiomatic here.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: already willing to cycle Suggested revision: willing to cycle Why it matters: The word already does not add a necessary time distinction here.
- 8. Make wording precise Original: meaningful changes occur Suggested revision: tangible benefits emerge Why it matters: This wording identifies the positive nature of the changes more precisely.
- 9. Avoid an absolute claim Original: quality of life improves Suggested revision: cycling can improve quality of life Why it matters: The modal can presents the claimed effect with appropriate qualification.
- 10. Remove redundant wording Original: a busy daily routine Suggested revision: a busy routine Why it matters: A routine already implies a repeated daily pattern in this context.
- 11. Clarify the meaning Original: cycling encourages people to slow down Suggested revision: cycling encourages people to travel at a slower pace Why it matters: This specifies that slow down refers to travel rather than general behaviour.
Suggested Rewrites
- significant amounts of money substantial sums
- this trend has an overall positive impact promoting cycling has an overall positive impact
- it cycling
- higher rates of cycling more frequent cycling
- private vehicles remain one of the leading sources private vehicle use remains one of the leading sources
- view cycling promotion as an effective measure view promoting cycling as an effective measure
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its direct, well-organised treatment of both the reasons for government investment and the benefits for individuals and society, supported by fluent and precise language. Its main limitation is that several societal claims, particularly about local economies and safer urban environments, remain somewhat general; adding one more concrete causal explanation or example would make the argument more fully developed.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with a clear positive position and relevant, well-developed reasons and effects.
Develop one societal benefit with a more specific example or a fuller explanation of the causal link.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices connect points smoothly without becoming conspicuous.
Strengthen the transition between the reasons for investment and the resulting impacts by making their relationship more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of health, environmental, economic, and infrastructure issues.
Refine a few broad expressions such as meaningful changes by choosing wording that states the exact effect immediately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with strong control of clauses, punctuation, and agreement.
Maintain this accuracy while varying sentence openings slightly more to give the prose an even more natural rhythm.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. Why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or a negative impact on individuals and the society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.