People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
I think there are two types of people who do a job. The first typetypes of people work for money primarily, and the second type worksanother type of people work for self-realization and to use their skillsself-realization, to use their skills. I state my position on the following points. First of all, people who work for self-realization like their job. Money is not important for them, they need satisfaction. I believe that these kinds of peoplethis kind of people contributes to our progress and historymakes our evolution and history. They aspire to make new inventionsaspire after new inventions and discoveries overcoming all obstacles in their wayways. I think that these people are very interesting because they know a lot, read many books and have their own experiencetheir own life experience. Of course, they need money for some essential needs such as food and clothingcloth, but they do not need itthem for luxury houses or expensive furnishings. Many scientists are people who devote their lives to new knowledge and discoveries. There are many examples ofpieces of evidence of lots of wealthyopulent inventors and scientist who loveloves their work more than anything else and have devoted their lives to the work they loved. Their primary reason for working was their passion for the work. Second of all, I believe that people need self-realization. It gives them the opportunity to contribute to world historycontribute in world's history and share their knowledge and experience with other people. I think it helps them to realise that they are needed by humankind and will not be forgotten. This is priceless. To sum up, I think that people's aspiration forafter self-realization is the main reason why we now have good medicinewe have now good medicine, different means of communicationcommunications, and many devices that make our lives easier.many devices to make our lives easier, etc.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear non-financial reason for working and sustains its focus on self-realisation, using scientists as a relevant illustration. However, the discussion repeats the same point instead of developing specific examples, while one-block organisation and frequent collocational and grammatical inaccuracies weaken control. Prioritise a more concrete, fully explained example and separate the reasoning into purposeful paragraphs, then edit recurring agreement and word-choice errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the task by discussing self-realisation as a non-financial motive, but its support is repetitive and largely general.
Develop one specific example of a worker or scientist by showing how passion motivates the work and what contribution results.
Coherence and Cohesion
The central idea is easy to follow, but mechanical sequencing, repetition, and the lack of paragraph breaks limit the sense of progression.
Group the introduction, main explanation, supporting example, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clearer links between them.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for discussing motivation and achievement, but inaccurate collocations and word forms recur despite generally clear meaning.
Review common combinations such as aspire to, contribute to history, clothing, and means of communication, and avoid imprecise choices such as opulent.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response combines simple and complex sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, and clause punctuation reduce accuracy.
Focus editing on subject-verb agreement and countable nouns, then separate comma-spliced independent clauses into correctly linked sentences.