The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The most viable solution to the ever-growing traffic problem in urban areas, according to some, is to minimize the citizen's need for travel to workplaces, shopping malls and schools. However, I disagree with this viewpoint and in this essay, I will explain why I possess this view. First, all professionals can not work from home. Doctors, engineers, bankers, nurses, sales executives and many other professionals have to visit their workplaces and meet people to execute their responsibilities. Similarly, if we shop online, dispatch staff will still be on the road to deliver products. In addition to this, many professional courses require field studies and laboratory work and an online course cannot provide such facilities. Online courses cannot be compared with classroom teaching and the quality of the products cannot be judged just by the pictures on a laptop or a phone. Thus people need to get outside to do their daily work.
To truly tackle traffic congestion, we need more realistic solutions than restricting people's movement. One such solution can be improving public transportation. The convenience of public conveyance would discourage many to use their private cars, which is the primary reason for bad traffic in many cities. Furthermore, the government can encourage people to use an eco-friendly mode of transport, like the bicycle, by dedicating a separate lane for them. Many European and Asian cities, for example, already have separate cycle lanes and this has been truly effective in promoting environment-friendly vehicles and reducing traffic congestion. We need to have effective ways to tackle traffic congestion rather than asking people to stay home. In conclusion, in order to minimize traffic jams, the authority should enhance mass transportation facilities and encourage people to use eco-friendly transport rather than planning to restrict people's movements.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct plural possessive Original: the citizen's need Suggested revision: citizens' need Why it matters: The need belongs to citizens in general, so a plural possessive is required.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: possess Suggested revision: hold Why it matters: The verb “hold” collocates more naturally with “view” in formal writing.
- 3. Use concise transition Original: In addition to this Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: The concise transition introduces the additional education point more directly.
- 4. Improve verb choice Original: execute their responsibilities Suggested revision: carry out their duties Why it matters: This collocation expresses the intended workplace action more naturally.
- 5. Clarify addition Original: Similarly Suggested revision: Additionally Why it matters: This point adds a different consequence rather than presenting a directly similar case.
- 6. Use precise term Original: dispatch staff Suggested revision: delivery workers Why it matters: “Delivery workers” is the clearer term for people transporting online purchases.
- 7. Use concise term Original: field studies Suggested revision: fieldwork Why it matters: “Fieldwork” is the conventional term for practical study conducted outside a classroom.
- 8. Clarify provision Original: cannot provide such facilities Suggested revision: cannot provide equivalent practical facilities Why it matters: The revision identifies more precisely what online courses cannot provide.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: get outside to do their daily work Suggested revision: leave home to carry out their daily activities Why it matters: The revision states the intended need to travel in more formal and inclusive language.
- 10. Choose precise noun Original: more realistic solutions Suggested revision: more practical measures Why it matters: “Practical measures” is a more precise formal phrase for transport policies.
- 11. Generalize accurately Original: an eco-friendly mode of transport, like the bicycle Suggested revision: an eco-friendly mode of transport, such as cycling Why it matters: “Cycling” names the transport mode directly and fits the general claim.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The convenience of public conveyance would discourage many to use their private cars, which is the primary reason for bad traffic in many cities. Suggested revision: Convenient public transport would discourage many people from using private cars, a major cause of congestion in many cities. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the verb pattern after “discourage” and removes the faulty relative-clause agreement.
Suggested Rewrites
- the citizen's need citizens' need
- possess hold
- In addition to this Furthermore
- execute their responsibilities carry out their duties
- Similarly Additionally
- dispatch staff delivery workers
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with relevant examples of work, shopping, and education, while also proposing practical alternatives. Its main limitation is that some claims and causal links remain broad, so the argument does not consistently reach full depth; the highest priority is to explain more precisely why each proposed transport measure would reduce congestion more effectively.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained, and relevant reasons and alternatives are developed with appropriate examples.
Deepen the comparison between reducing travel needs and the proposed alternatives by explaining their relative effects on congestion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through the case against the claim and then toward alternative solutions, with generally clear linking.
Separate the introduction from the first main idea and reduce repetition between the final body sentences and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, though several collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Refine combinations such as discourage people from using cars and replace vague phrases such as bad traffic with more precise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is handled with generally good control, and errors rarely affect clarity.
Proofread possessives, articles, and verb-preposition patterns to eliminate the remaining localized inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.