Some people opine that increasing office hour is a reason for many social and personal problems and that is why it should be reduced to 35 hours in a week. What are the advantages and disadvantages of reducing the working week to 35 hours?
Sample Response
A balanced professional and personal life is the key to happiness - according to many researchers. This is why a group of people suggest reducing the office hours to 35 hours per week to allow employees to have more free time. It is undeniable that overwork causes stress and hamper productivity in the long run, but a workday of 7 hours may also reduce productivity and output. To outline the advantages, 35 working hours per week will allow employees to allocate more time for themselves and spend quality time with family and friends. Besides, they will be inspired to take part in different social and sports activities, and that will surely improve their health conditions. Moreover, the reduced working hours means more time for resting and taking vacations, and proper rest and vacations refresh our minds. Undeniably, this has a relationship with the productivity of employees in their offices. Finally, many stress-related issues are caused by overwork, and if employees work 7 hours a day, they are less likely to suffer from fatigue and stress. On the other hand, decreased working hours would reduce the output of employees, especially in industries and that would hike the price of different commodities. Life would become even more costly due to the increasing price. Companies, on the other hand, will have to hire more employees to maintain their productivity and thus their operational costs would increase. To conclude, a balanced working hour is already in place, which is 8 hours per day. Employees should work effectively during office hours and leave the office in due time. Companies should not put extra pressure and engage staff for more than 8 hours a day while the government should make sure that private companies are not violating the laws regarding the weekly working hours.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the interruption Original: happiness - according Suggested revision: happiness, according Why it matters: A comma correctly introduces the attribution within this sentence.
- 2. Remove the article Original: the office hours Suggested revision: office hours Why it matters: Office hours is used generally here and does not take the definite article.
- 3. Fix verb agreement Original: causes stress and hamper Suggested revision: causes stress and hampers Why it matters: The singular subject overwork requires hampers.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: allocate more time for themselves Suggested revision: have more time for themselves Why it matters: Have more time is more idiomatic in this context.
- 5. Use parallel adjectives Original: social and sports activities Suggested revision: social and sporting activities Why it matters: Sporting is the adjective that parallels social before activities.
- 6. Correct the meaning Original: health conditions Suggested revision: health Why it matters: Health conditions usually refers to illnesses rather than general well-being.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: the reduced working hours means Suggested revision: reduced working hours mean Why it matters: The plural subject working hours requires mean.
- 8. Use parallel verbs Original: time for resting and taking vacations Suggested revision: time to rest and take holidays Why it matters: The parallel infinitives make the phrase more concise.
- 9. Keep perspective consistent Original: proper rest and vacations refresh our minds Suggested revision: proper rest and holidays refresh employees' minds Why it matters: Referring to employees maintains the essay's third-person perspective.
- 10. Spell out the number Original: 7 hours a day Suggested revision: seven hours a day Why it matters: Spelling out a small number suits formal continuous prose.
- 11. Clarify the clause link Original: especially in industries and that Suggested revision: especially in industry, and this Why it matters: The comma and demonstrative clearly link the consequence to reduced output.
- 12. Use formal precise wording Original: hike the price of different commodities Suggested revision: raise the prices of various commodities Why it matters: Raise is more formal, and prices must agree with multiple commodities.
Suggested Rewrites
- happiness - according happiness, according
- the office hours office hours
- causes stress and hamper causes stress and hampers
- allocate more time for themselves have more time for themselves
- social and sports activities social and sporting activities
- health conditions health
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a balanced account of the benefits and costs of a shorter working week, with logically sequenced ideas and relevant discussion of wellbeing, productivity, prices, and staffing. Its main weakness is that the conclusion shifts toward defending the current eight-hour day rather than clearly weighing the proposed 35-hour week, while several collocation and agreement errors reduce precision. The priority is to make the final judgement directly answer the stated proposal and support it with the preceding analysis.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant advantages and disadvantages are both developed, although the conclusion partly shifts away from evaluating the proposed 35-hour week.
End with a direct synthesis of whether the identified benefits outweigh the economic disadvantages of the specific proposal.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the potential personal benefits to the economic drawbacks, with clear connective language.
Divide the discussion into distinct introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion paragraphs to strengthen the overall structure.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and appropriate to workplace and economic issues, though some collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Use more natural phrases such as standard working hours, raise commodity prices, and require staff to work longer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows a good range of sentence forms, but recurring agreement and noun-form errors reduce grammatical control.
Check subject-verb agreement carefully in phrases such as overwork causes and hampers and reduced working hours mean.