In recent times, many suggest dropping subjects such as Art, Sport and Music from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this suggestion?
Sample Response
Whether traditional arts and crafts subjects should be replaced by modern technology lessons is a matter of great debate, and many opine to include technology-related subjects while dropping traditional subjects. I disagree with this suggestion as I believe that a combination of both should be offered to the students.
To begin with, traditional subjects should be retained as part of the school curriculum as they have great value for the students. School education is not merely a process to ensure a future job. This is rather a broader aspect, and to build an enlightened future generation, we need cultural and arts-related subjects as much as we need technical ones.
Moreover, both technology and traditional subjects can be taught side by side to the school learners. One should not come at the expense of another. While technology-related subjects are important to ensure better learning for students and better job prospects in the future, traditional subjects help them navigate and appreciate their lives. From a more practical point of view, both technical and traditional knowledge is essential in life, and this is why both should be taught at school.
Finally, I believe that the school curriculum should change from time to time to make it more suitable for the learners and changing societal perspective. This, however, does not mean that we should drop cultural and art-related subjects altogether from our schools. While the place for new subjects should be made, old and important subjects should also be part of the national curriculum.
In conclusion, the school curriculum is a sensitive issue, and that should be very carefully planned. Modern subjects should be introduced, no doubt, but not at the expense of traditional subjects. To bring the best result, the school authority should retain important traditional subjects while also introducing technology-related subjects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix opinion collocation Original: many opine to include Suggested revision: many advocate including Why it matters: “Advocate” naturally takes a gerund when recommending an action.
- 2. Clarify educational purpose Original: This is rather a broader aspect Suggested revision: It has a broader purpose Why it matters: The original pronoun and noun phrase do not clearly describe the role of education.
- 3. Use natural learner noun Original: the school learners Suggested revision: students Why it matters: “Students” is the natural concise term in this school context.
- 4. Complete paired reference Original: the expense of another Suggested revision: the expense of the other Why it matters: The paired construction is “one ... the other” when referring to two options.
- 5. Fix subject agreement Original: both technical and traditional knowledge is essential Suggested revision: technical and traditional knowledge are both essential Why it matters: The two coordinated types of knowledge take a plural verb.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: While the place for new subjects should be made Suggested revision: While room should be made for new subjects Why it matters: “Make room for” is the standard expression for accommodating additions.
- 7. Clarify pronoun reference Original: and that should be very carefully planned Suggested revision: and it should be planned very carefully Why it matters: “It” clearly refers back to the curriculum, while “that” is ambiguous.
- 8. Fix result collocation Original: To bring the best result Suggested revision: To achieve the best results Why it matters: The natural collocation is “achieve results,” usually with the plural noun.
- 9. Use general plural Original: the school authority Suggested revision: school authorities Why it matters: The plural naturally refers to decision-makers across schools in general.
- 10. Name both subject types Original: a combination of both Suggested revision: both types of subjects Why it matters: The replacement makes the reference to the two subject groups explicit.
- 11. Remove general article Original: offered to the students Suggested revision: offered to students Why it matters: The article is unnecessary when referring to students in general.
- 12. Improve development collocation Original: build Suggested revision: develop Why it matters: Education develops a generation rather than literally building one.
Suggested Rewrites
- many opine to include many advocate including
- This is rather a broader aspect It has a broader purpose
- the school learners students
- the expense of another the expense of the other
- both technical and traditional knowledge is essential technical and traditional knowledge are both essential
- While the place for new subjects should be made While room should be made for new subjects
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay’s strongest feature is a clear and consistent position, supported by a logical argument that modern and traditional subjects can coexist. Development remains somewhat general and repetitive, with little specific discussion of how Art, Sport, and Music benefit learners, while a few awkward collocations reduce precision. Prioritise adding concrete, subject-specific support to each main reason and refining less natural phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops relevant reasons for retaining traditional subjects alongside technology, though support remains general.
Add a concrete benefit or example for Art, Sport, or Music to deepen the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically ordered in purposeful paragraphs, with clear progression despite some repetitive signposting and overlap between body points.
Give each body paragraph a more distinct function and reduce repeated statements that both subject groups should coexist.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally appropriate, although several awkward collocations and broad expressions reduce exactness.
Refine phrases such as ensuring a future job or changing societal perspective into more natural and precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of structures is used with generally strong control, while occasional agreement and noun-phrase errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex noun phrases and coordinated subjects, especially for number agreement and article choice.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent times, many suggest dropping subjects such as Art, Sport and Music from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this suggestion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.