In recent times, many suggest dropping subjects such as Art, Sport and Music from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this suggestion?
Sample Response
Whether traditional arts and crafts subjects should be replaced by modern technology lessons is a matter of great debate, and many advocate includingmany opine to include technology-related subjects while dropping traditional subjects. I disagree with this suggestion as I believe that both types of subjectsa combination of both should be offered to studentsoffered to the students.
To begin with, traditional subjects should be retained as part of the school curriculum as they have great value for the students. School education is not merely a process to ensure a future job. It has a broader purposeThis is rather a broader aspect, and to developbuild an enlightened future generation, we need cultural and arts-related subjects as much as we need technical ones.
Moreover, both technology-related and traditional subjectsboth technology and traditional subjects can be taught side by side to studentsthe school learners. One should not come at the expense of the otherthe expense of another. While technology-related subjects are important to ensure better learning for students and better job prospects in the future, traditional subjects help them navigate and appreciate their lives. From a practical point of viewFrom a more practical point of view, technical and traditional knowledge are both essentialboth technical and traditional knowledge is essential in life, and this is why both should be taught at school.
Finally, I believe that the school curriculum should change from time to time to make it more suitable for the learners and changing societal perspective. This, however, does not mean that we should drop cultural and artsart-related subjects altogether from our schools. While room should be made for new subjectsWhile the place for new subjects should be made, establishedold and important subjects should also be part of the national curriculum.
In conclusion, the school curriculum is a sensitive issue, and it should be planned very carefullyand that should be very carefully planned. Modern subjects should undoubtedly be introducedModern subjects should be introduced, no doubt, but not at the expense of traditional subjects. To achieve the best resultsTo bring the best result, school authoritiesthe school authority should retain important traditional subjects while also introducing technology-related subjects.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay’s strongest feature is a clear and consistent position, supported by a logical argument that modern and traditional subjects can coexist. Development remains somewhat general and repetitive, with little specific discussion of how Art, Sport, and Music benefit learners, while a few awkward collocations reduce precision. Prioritise adding concrete, subject-specific support to each main reason and refining less natural phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops relevant reasons for retaining traditional subjects alongside technology, though support remains general.
Add a concrete benefit or example for Art, Sport, or Music to deepen the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically ordered in purposeful paragraphs, with clear progression despite some repetitive signposting and overlap between body points.
Give each body paragraph a more distinct function and reduce repeated statements that both subject groups should coexist.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally appropriate, although several awkward collocations and broad expressions reduce exactness.
Refine phrases such as ensuring a future job or changing societal perspective into more natural and precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of structures is used with generally strong control, while occasional agreement and noun-phrase errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex noun phrases and coordinated subjects, especially for number agreement and article choice.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent times, many suggest dropping subjects such as Art, Sport and Music from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this suggestion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.