Some people believe that people should be allowed to work only till a set retirement age. Others say that if people want to work, age should not be a barrier to them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Whether individuals should be permitted to work beyond a fixed retirement age is often debatable. While some believe that people should be free to continue working as long as they are willing and able, others argue that a set retirement age should be enforced. In my opinion, maintaining a mandatory retirement age is necessary to ensure fairness, efficiency, and opportunities for younger generations.
Supporters of the idea that people should work beyond a fixed age often cite personal freedom and experience. They argue that many older adults remain physically and mentally capable of contributing productively to the workforce. Preventing them from doing so could be seen as age discrimination. For instance, experienced professionals such as teachers, consultants, or craftsmen often possess valuable skills that can still benefit society. Additionally, for some individuals, work provides a sense of identity and purpose, and forcing them into retirement could negatively affect their mental well-being.
The proponents of a fixed retirement age argue that this practice ensures a balanced and sustainable job market. As older workers retire, new positions open up for younger people, reducing youth unemployment and allowing for fresh ideas and innovation to enter the workforce. For example, in countries like Japan, where retirement is strictly enforced, companies have been able to modernize by bringing in younger, tech-savvy employees. Furthermore, older workers may not always be able to keep up with the physical or technological demands of certain jobs, which could compromise productivity and safety.
In conclusion, while the desire to remain active beyond retirement age is understandable, I believe a fixed retirement age is essential to protect the economic balance, promote fairness, and ensure the continued evolution of the workforce.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: is often debatable Suggested revision: is widely debated Why it matters: The revision uses a more natural collocation for an issue that attracts differing opinions.
- 2. Choose precise verb Original: maintaining Suggested revision: enforcing Why it matters: Enforcing more precisely describes applying a compulsory retirement rule.
- 3. Improve parallel structure Original: necessary to ensure fairness, efficiency, and opportunities Suggested revision: necessary to promote fairness and efficiency and create opportunities Why it matters: Using verbs that collocate with each noun makes the three-part claim grammatically parallel.
- 4. Clarify age reference Original: work beyond a fixed age Suggested revision: work beyond a fixed retirement age Why it matters: Adding retirement makes the reference more precise in this context.
- 5. Specify experience type Original: cite personal freedom and experience Suggested revision: cite personal freedom and professional experience Why it matters: Professional specifies the kind of experience relevant to continued employment.
- 6. Clarify continuing benefit Original: skills that can still benefit society Suggested revision: skills that can continue to benefit society Why it matters: The verb phrase expresses the ongoing social benefit more clearly.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: The proponents of a fixed retirement age Suggested revision: Proponents of a fixed retirement age Why it matters: The zero article is more natural when referring to proponents in general.
- 8. Avoid semantic overlap Original: fresh ideas and innovation Suggested revision: fresh ideas Why it matters: Fresh ideas and innovation overlap in meaning, so one concise term is sufficient.
- 9. Use formal example marker Original: countries like Japan Suggested revision: countries such as Japan Why it matters: Such as introduces a specific example more formally and precisely.
- 10. Correct collocation Original: protect the economic balance Suggested revision: maintain economic balance Why it matters: Maintain is the more natural verb for preserving an existing balance.
Suggested Rewrites
- is often debatable is widely debated
- maintaining enforcing
- necessary to ensure fairness, efficiency, and opportunities necessary to promote fairness and efficiency and create opportunities
- work beyond a fixed age work beyond a fixed retirement age
- cite personal freedom and experience cite personal freedom and professional experience
- skills that can still benefit society skills that can continue to benefit society
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay addresses both views directly, states a clear opinion, and develops each side through relevant explanations in a smoothly organised structure. Its principal weakness is that the Japan example and some claims about older workers are asserted too broadly, so the highest-priority improvement is to qualify these claims and use a more demonstrably credible example to strengthen the argument’s precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both perspectives are fully addressed, the writer’s position is clear throughout, and the main ideas receive relevant support.
Qualify broad claims about national retirement practices and older workers so the supporting evidence is more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates clear progression, with each body paragraph developing one side of the debate coherently.
Link the evaluation of the two views more explicitly so the preference for mandatory retirement emerges through comparison as well as assertion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic, with strong control of topic-specific expressions.
Replace a few broad phrases such as “economic balance” with more exact wording that names the intended labour-market effect.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with consistently accurate grammar and punctuation.
Preserve this accuracy while varying the structure of supporting sentences to add further stylistic flexibility.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that people should be allowed to work only till a set retirement age. Others say that if people want to work, age should not be a barrier to them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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