Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
There is an ongoing debate over success related to luck. Some people think that whether a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to lucka person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck, whereas others contend that personal effort matters more.while some people do not agree with that.
I largely disagree with the view, as sometimes hard workwork hard plays a more vital role in success.
Supporters of the view often argue that without luck, it is hard for people to succeedpeople are hard to succeed. Admittedly, it is true that sometimes luck plays an importantimortant role in successsuceess to some extent. For example, many famous football players come from poor regions. In this situation, they continued to play football with broken balls. But then they come to big clubs, due to the football scoutsfootball player seekers, who often help the club to find brilliant future football stars. Thus, poor football playersplaysers become the famous stars, whose success is related to luckwhose success related to luck.
Nevertheless, although the success in football is related to lucksuccess in football related to luck to some extent, we can not dismiss their hardwork before they are foundthey are be found by the star seekers. A prime example is that many poor football players, they usually put much effort into practicingput many effort to practice shooting or passing the balls. After working hard with footballs, their skills becomebacome very skillful. Therefore, in this situation, when the star seekers come, they can show their ability. Consequently, they might be invitedAnd then they might be invited to play for the big clubs, and earn their success.
In conclusion, I largely disagree with the view that people's success is mostly related to luck, as hard work playspalys a more vital role in people's success. Without hard work, even some people are the luckiestthe most lucky in the world, it is still hard for them to succeed.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay presents a clear position on the role of hard work versus luck and supports it with a consistent extended example. However, the reliance on a single illustration limits the breath of the argument, and recurring language errors affect overall precision. Expanding the range of examples and focusing on grammatical accuracy will significantly improve the overall standard.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the prompt directly and maintains a clear opinion throughout the essay.
Provide a wider variety of real-world examples beyond football to fully develop the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical structure with clear paragraphing and basic transitional devices.
Use a broader range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly between sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to convey the basic meaning, but noticeable spelling mistakes and repetitive word choices occur.
Focus on accurate spelling and expand your range of topic-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are frequent.
Review sentence structure fundamentals, particularly clause linking and passive verb formations.