Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
There is an ongoing debate over whether success is primarily determined by luck.debate over success related to luck. Some people think that whether a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck, while others disagree.while some people do not agree with that. I largely disagree with the view, as sometimes hard work plays a more vital role in success.
Supporters of the view often argue that without luck, it is hard for people to succeed. Admittedly, it is true that sometimes luck plays an important role in achieving success.plays an important role in success to some extent. For example, many famous football players come from poor regions. In this situation, they continue to play football with worn-out balls.they continued to play football with broken balls. But then they are recruited by elite clubs,come to big clubs, thanks to talent scouts,due to the football player seekers, who often help clubshelp the club to find brilliant future football stars. Thus, poor football playersplaysers become the famous stars, whose success is related to luck.whose success related to luck.
Nevertheless, although the success in football is related to luck to some extent, we can not dismiss their hardwork before they can be found by the scouts.star seekers. A prime example is that many poor football players put substantial effortmany poor football players, they usually put many effort into practicing shooting and passing.to practice shooting or passing the balls. Through rigorous training,After working hard with footballs, they become highly skilled.their skills become very skillful. Therefore, in this situation, when the star seekers come, they can show their ability. And then they might be invited to play for the big clubs, and earn their success.
In conclusion, I largely disagree with the view that people's success is mostly related to luck, as hard work plays a more vital role in people's success. Without hard work, even if some people are the luckiest in the world,even some people are the most lucky in the world, it is still hard for them to succeed.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay effectively establishes a clear central position and maintains a logical structure throughout all paragraphs. However, relying on a single repeated scenario limits the depth of the argument, and frequent minor grammatical errors hinder overall fluency. To raise the quality of your writing, broaden your range of examples and review complex clause structures for better accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You present a clear position throughout the response and support your view with relevant explanations.
Incorporate a wider variety of real-world examples beyond sports to strengthen and generalize your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical paragraphing structure and moves clearly from one point to the next.
Vary your transition phrases to avoid repeating mechanically used connectors like in this situation.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used conveys your meaning adequately, though some repetitive phrasing and minor word choice errors occur.
Practice using more precise collocations and a broader range of academic synonyms related to success and effort.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentences, but grammatical and punctuation errors occur regularly.
Refine complex sentence structures to eliminate missing verbs and redundant subject pronouns.