These days, an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city) and suggest some ways in which this trend could be reversed. Use your own experience
Sample Response
The world has never witnessed such a great influx of population from rural areas to cities that it did in the last decade, and it is still ongoing. Cities are already over-populated, polluted and cramped with an overwhelming number of people. Only decentralisation and mandatory relocation can reverse the scenario. To begin with, only 20 per cent of the world population lived in cities at the beginning of the 20th century while this has already escalated to over 80%. This over-population in cities increases the crime rate, contributes to environmental pollutions, declines the living standard of citizens, creates cut-throat competitions and makes living cost higher. The traffic congestion is a direct result of it that kills thousand of man-hours each day. Besides, the housing problem in cities is getting worse day by day. According to a recent study, the lifestyle of cities is declining faster with the dramatic increase of its population. To stop people from moving to metropolitan areas, the government has to adopt an effective decentralisation policy. If enough civil facilities and employment opportunities are created in the rural and suburban areas, a few people would move to cities. People primarily migrate to big cities to have better careers and earning prospects. To reverse it, the government has to start big projects to empower the rural people and forcibly move many factories and facilities to nearby countrysides. Education, treatment and entertainment facilities in cities attract many rural people and the only way to stop this influx of people is to add those facilities to the countrysides as well. In conclusion, cities become less habitable with the inflow of mass people who come to have a better life but eventually face more problems. Decentralisation could be a very effective solution to invert this concerning trend.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use closed spelling Original: over-populated Suggested revision: overpopulated Why it matters: Overpopulated is written as one unhyphenated word.
- 2. Use crowded with Original: cramped Suggested revision: crowded Why it matters: Crowded with is the natural collocation for a city containing too many people.
- 3. Refer to trend Original: scenario Suggested revision: trend Why it matters: Trend accurately names the continuing movement described in the prompt.
- 4. Add possessive form Original: world Suggested revision: world's Why it matters: The population belongs to the world, so a possessive form is required.
- 5. Clarify changing figure Original: while this has already escalated Suggested revision: while this figure has already risen Why it matters: Figure supplies a clear numerical subject and risen is the appropriate trend verb.
- 6. Use uncountable pollution Original: pollutions Suggested revision: pollution Why it matters: Pollution is uncountable in this general sense.
- 7. Use lowers living standards Original: declines the living standard of citizens Suggested revision: lowers citizens' living standards Why it matters: Lower is the transitive verb required here, and living standards is normally plural.
- 8. Use singular competition Original: cut-throat competitions Suggested revision: intense competition Why it matters: Competition is uncountable when describing a general competitive environment.
- 9. Use cost-of-living phrase Original: living cost higher Suggested revision: the cost of living higher Why it matters: Cost of living is the standard expression.
- 10. Remove generic article Original: The traffic congestion Suggested revision: Traffic congestion Why it matters: No article is needed when the concept is discussed generally.
- 11. Fix quantity and verb Original: kills thousand of man-hours Suggested revision: wastes thousands of working hours Why it matters: Thousands requires the plural form, and wastes is the natural verb for lost time.
- 12. Name urban life quality Original: the lifestyle of cities is declining Suggested revision: the quality of urban life is declining Why it matters: A city's lifestyle does not decline, but its quality of life can.
Suggested Rewrites
- over-populated overpopulated
- cramped crowded
- scenario trend
- world world's
- while this has already escalated while this figure has already risen
- pollutions pollution
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay responds to both required areas with a clear catalogue of urban pressures and several practical decentralisation measures, especially better jobs and services outside major cities. Its main limitation is that many effects are asserted in a list and the requested personal experience is not incorporated, while some statistics are unsupported. Prioritise developing two or three effects through clear cause-and-effect explanation and illustrating one solution with a credible personal or local example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant effects and solutions are covered in reasonable breadth, but several claims are underdeveloped and the instruction to use personal experience is not addressed.
Select fewer urban and rural effects, explain each causal chain, and support one decentralisation proposal with a personal or local observation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear effects-to-solutions progression, although the single-paragraph format and densely listed consequences limit structural clarity.
Separate the introduction, effects, solutions, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs and give each body paragraph a focused controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for urbanisation and policy, but recurring imprecise phrases include 'environmental pollutions', 'civil facilities', 'nearby countrysides', and 'invert this trend'.
Prefer precise combinations such as 'environmental pollution', 'public services', 'nearby rural areas', and 'reverse this trend'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses both simple and complex structures, but errors in agreement, plurals, articles, and conditional forms occur regularly.
Review complex comparisons and conditionals, writing 'If sufficient services are created, fewer people will move' and checking each noun for countability.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city) and suggest some ways in which this trend could be reversed. Use your own experience
Your response
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