Government funding should be used to support sports and the arts in school rather than professional sports and arts for the general public. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The current issue is whether the government allocates their fund to students or the general public. Generally, people espouse the notion that authorities should provide funds to schools to support sports and the arts. I opine that government funding should be used to encourage professional sports and arts for ordinary people. This essay will scrutinize both aspects of the quandary in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin with, proponents believe that government should use their money to encourage school students to participate in sports and arts activities because they can learn theoretical knowledge and acquire new skills. Furthermore, the authority should allocate funds to schools to buy some imperative equipment used in sports and arts. Also, students choose their careers in these fields if they are not good at studies, so government funds support sports and arts. For example, in the report of 2009, which was conducted by BBC news, 45% of schools bought instruments from the government fund.
Secondly, I vehemently believe that authorities should support the general public by giving funds for professional sports and arts to encourage youngsters to participate. In addition, the general public does not have the space to play professional sports and do arts, so the government should provide money, and solve this dilemma, so people use that money and buy ground. Moreover, because arts have disappeared, authorities should support arts by providing funds. To exemplify, in china, no one had an affinity towards arts, but after the government support, people loved arts and started practising.
In conclusion, I am considering these points from a personal perspective without a shadow of a doubt. I am inclined to believe that it is prominent to support professional sports and arts by providing funds from the government.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match pronoun and number Original: their fund Suggested revision: its funds Why it matters: The singular government requires “its,” and “funds” is the natural plural noun here.
- 2. Use precise topic noun Original: quandary Suggested revision: issue Why it matters: “Issue” is more precise because the essay discusses a policy question rather than a personal dilemma.
- 3. Match government pronoun Original: their money Suggested revision: its funding Why it matters: The singular noun “government” requires “its,” while “funding” suits public expenditure.
- 4. Correct knowledge collocation Original: learn Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: Knowledge is normally “gained” or “acquired,” rather than learned as an object.
- 5. Keep reference consistent Original: authority Suggested revision: government Why it matters: Using “the government” maintains a clear and consistent reference to the decision-maker.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: imperative Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: “Essential equipment” is the standard collocation for necessary items.
- 7. Clarify equipment purpose Original: used in sports and arts Suggested revision: used for sports and arts activities Why it matters: “Used for” states the equipment’s purpose more naturally and precisely.
- 8. Fix date expression Original: in the report of 2009 Suggested revision: in a 2009 report Why it matters: English places the year before “report” and requires the indefinite article.
- 9. Correct reporting collocation Original: conducted by BBC news Suggested revision: published by BBC News Why it matters: A report is “published,” and the proper name should be capitalized.
- 10. Use funding expression Original: from the government fund Suggested revision: with government funding Why it matters: “With government funding” naturally describes how the instruments were purchased.
- 11. Use formal funding phrase Original: giving funds for professional sports and arts Suggested revision: providing funding for professional sports and the arts Why it matters: “Providing funding” is more natural and formal in a policy discussion.
- 12. Add article and precision Original: because arts have disappeared Suggested revision: because the arts have declined Why it matters: “The arts” requires the article, and “declined” expresses the intended reduction more plausibly.
Suggested Rewrites
- their fund its funds
- quandary issue
- their money its funding
- learn gain
- authority government
- imperative essential
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear preference for funding professional sports and arts for the public, and its paragraph structure makes the broad line of argument easy to identify. However, several supporting ideas are only partly explained or logically unclear, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop fewer, more credible reasons and express each through controlled sentences and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both funding options are discussed, but several reasons and examples are insufficiently developed or weakly convincing.
Explain how each funding choice produces a specific public benefit and support it with a plausible, directly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, though progression within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical or unclear.
Organize each body paragraph around one main claim followed by a clear explanation and example, avoiding loosely connected additional points.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows some range, but frequent inaccurate or unnatural choices such as imperative equipment and prominent to support weaken precision.
Prioritize accurate common collocations and check that more ambitious words express the intended meaning in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is an attempt to use varied complex sentences, but agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-structure errors occur frequently.
Build shorter, well-controlled complex sentences and proofread subject-pronoun agreement, articles, and comma use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Government funding should be used to support sports and the arts in school rather than professional sports and arts for the general public. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.