The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Some people opine that in an era marked by unprecedented scientific advancements, the paramount goal of science should fundamentally be directed towards improving the lives of individuals. I wholeheartedly concur with this notion and will elaborate on the reasons supporting this viewpoint.
The most compelling argument in favour of science's primary aim being the improvement of people's lives pertains to its immense possibility towards contributions to the field of health and medicine. Breakthroughs in medical science, such as the development of vaccines, antibiotics, and advanced surgical techniques, have substantially extended human lifespans and reduced the burden of diseases worldwide. For instance, the discovery of antibiotics like penicillin revolutionized medicine, saving countless lives and alleviating human suffering. However, there is still plenty to achieve in this field. Prioritising people's well-being as the primary objective of scientific advancement can eradicate deadly diseases from the face of the earth and make it a better place to live in.
Another compelling reason to prioritize improving people's lives through science is the pressing need for environmental sustainability. Scientific research and innovation are vital for addressing climate change, resource depletion, and pollution — issues that directly impact the well-being of current and future generations. Innovations like renewable energy technologies, efficient waste management, and sustainable agriculture practices are essential for preserving the planet for future generations.
In conclusion, the central aim of science should indeed be the betterment of human lives. Science has consistently demonstrated its capacity to prolong life, alleviate suffering, and address pressing global challenges. And it still has a lot to contribute. It, should, therefore, play an indispensable role in advancing health, promoting environmental sustainability, and enhancing the overall quality of life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: supporting Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the intended relationship more naturally.
- 2. Correct collocation Original: diseases Suggested revision: disease Why it matters: Burden of disease is the conventional uncountable expression in this context.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: plenty to achieve Suggested revision: much more to achieve Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 4. Avoid a cliché Original: from the face of the earth Suggested revision: worldwide Why it matters: The concise adverb preserves the global meaning without a stock expression.
- 5. Clarify the relationship Original: Another compelling reason to prioritize improving people's lives through science Suggested revision: Another compelling reason to prioritize using science to improve people's lives Why it matters: The revision clearly presents science as the means of improving lives.
- 6. Use formal example marker Original: Innovations like Suggested revision: Innovations such as Why it matters: Such as introduces examples more formally in academic prose.
- 7. Remove incorrect comma Original: It, should, therefore, play Suggested revision: It should, therefore, play Why it matters: A comma must not separate the subject It from the verb should play.
- 8. Use direct wording Original: wholeheartedly concur Suggested revision: fully agree Why it matters: The replacement states the writer's agreement more directly and naturally.
- 9. Refine the collocation Original: techniques Suggested revision: procedures Why it matters: Procedures is a more precise noun for medical operations in this list.
- 10. Use precise terminology Original: have substantially extended human lifespans Suggested revision: have substantially increased human life expectancy Why it matters: Life expectancy is the more precise measure of longer average survival.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: make it a better place to live in Suggested revision: make the world a better place to live Why it matters: Naming the world removes the vague pronoun and creates a more natural expression.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The most compelling argument in favour of science's primary aim being the improvement of people's lives pertains to its immense possibility towards contributions to the field of health and medicine. Suggested revision: The most compelling argument for making the improvement of people's lives science's primary aim is its immense potential to contribute to health and medicine. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the faulty possibility towards contributions construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- supporting for
- diseases disease
- plenty to achieve much more to achieve
- from the face of the earth worldwide
- Another compelling reason to prioritize improving people's lives through science Another compelling reason to prioritize using science to improve people's lives
- Innovations like Innovations such as
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a decisive position and develops two relevant lines of argument with clear progression, strong topic vocabulary, and varied sentence structures. Its main limitation is that the environmental argument is briefer and less fully explained than the medical argument, while a few awkward constructions and punctuation choices reduce precision. Develop the second main idea with a concrete causal example and edit complex sentences for more natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent position and supports it through relevant arguments about health and sustainability.
Extend the environmental argument with a specific example showing how one scientific innovation improves people's lives.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from its position through two distinct supporting arguments to a concise conclusion, with well-managed cohesion.
Strengthen balance by developing the shorter second body paragraph to a depth comparable with the first.
Lexical Resource
A broad, topic-specific vocabulary communicates sophisticated ideas effectively, despite a few strained collocations and repetitions.
Use more natural phrasing in expressions such as 'immense possibility towards contributions' and reduce repeated words such as 'compelling'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with a high level of accuracy and only occasional local errors.
Edit punctuation in complex clauses, especially removing the unnecessary commas around 'should' in the final sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.