As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes. Why does this happen? How does this affect society?
Sample Response
Many countries around the world are becoming richer as they develop and at the same time these countries are seeing a reduction in the size of the family unit. This essay will discuss the reasons for this phenomenon and examine some of the possible effects it will have on society. One of the principal reasons for smaller family units is birth control. As a country develops and becomes richer, birth control becomes more readily available. This may be due to a rise in the number of medical clinics or the distribution of free contraception. The result of this is that people can choose family size. Another important factor is the rise in the levels of education that occur as a country develops, which means that women are more educated and more likely to be working. Consequently, many will want to delay having children and so will likely have fewer in the long-term. This can impact on society in a number of ways. One positive effect is that the population will fall, which will likely result in less poverty as there will be less competition for scarce resources. The parents can also provide a better education to their children as it will cost less, which will benefit society as a whole. A possible negative impact is that there will be fewer younger people in the workforce in the future, thus making the sustainability of future economic growth less certain. In, family size has fallen due to birth control and education, and this can have positive and negative impacts on society. Regardless of any impacts, this trend is likely to continue as countries around the world develop and become wealthier.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural noun phrase Original: principal reasons for smaller family units Suggested revision: principal reasons for smaller families Why it matters: Using “families” directly is more natural when referring to household size.
- 2. Add possessive determiner Original: people can choose family size Suggested revision: people can choose their family size Why it matters: A possessive determiner is needed before “family size” in this context.
- 3. Fix subject agreement Original: the rise in the levels of education that occur as a country develops Suggested revision: the rise in education levels that occurs as a country develops Why it matters: The relative verb should agree with the singular head noun “rise.”
- 4. Remove unnecessary hyphen Original: in the long-term Suggested revision: in the long term Why it matters: “Long term” is not hyphenated when it functions as a noun phrase after a preposition.
- 5. Use concise verb Original: This can impact on society Suggested revision: This can affect society Why it matters: “Affect” expresses the meaning more directly in this sentence.
- 6. Remove redundant comparison Original: younger Suggested revision: young Why it matters: “Fewer” already expresses the comparison, so “younger” is unnecessarily awkward here.
- 7. Clarify reference Original: any Suggested revision: these Why it matters: “These” links the phrase more clearly to the positive and negative effects just discussed.
- 8. Avoid repeated wording Original: birth control becomes more readily available Suggested revision: contraception becomes more readily available Why it matters: Using “contraception” avoids repeating “birth control” in consecutive sentences.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: a rise in the number of medical clinics Suggested revision: an increase in the number of medical clinics Why it matters: “An increase in the number” is the more natural collocation for a count of facilities.
- 10. Use concise transition Original: The result of this is that Suggested revision: As a result, Why it matters: The shorter transition connects the consequence to the preceding explanation more directly.
- 11. Use precise academic wording Original: women are more educated Suggested revision: women attain higher levels of education Why it matters: This phrasing states the educational change more precisely.
- 12. Clarify the subject Original: many will want to delay Suggested revision: many women may choose to delay Why it matters: Naming “women” removes the vague pronoun reference and avoids overstating certainty.
Suggested Rewrites
- principal reasons for smaller family units principal reasons for smaller families
- people can choose family size people can choose their family size
- the rise in the levels of education that occur as a country develops the rise in education levels that occurs as a country develops
- in the long-term in the long term
- This can impact on society This can affect society
- younger young
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both questions clearly, with relevant reasons and a balanced account of possible social effects, while its varied vocabulary and generally controlled sentences make the argument easy to follow. Its main limitation is that several effects, especially the link between a smaller population and reduced poverty, are asserted too simply. Developing these causal claims with more precise explanation or an illustrative example should be the priority.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and social effects are addressed with a clear, relevant position and generally developed supporting ideas.
Explain the causal links behind the social effects more carefully, particularly the claim that population decline will reduce poverty.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes and effects, and cohesive devices generally make the sequence easy to follow despite the lack of clear paragraph divisions.
Separate the introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs to strengthen the essay's structure.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys the argument precisely, with only occasional awkward choices.
Refine a few collocations and phrasing choices, such as the use of articles and the expression concerning long-term family size.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied mix of simple and complex structures is used accurately enough for meaning to remain consistently clear.
Proofread for isolated slips and incomplete wording, especially the malformed opening of the concluding sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes. Why does this happen? How does this affect society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.