As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes. Why does this happen? How does this affect society?
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Sample Response
Many countries around the world are becoming richer as they develop and at the same time these countries are seeing a reduction in the size of the family unit. This essay will discuss the reasons for this phenomenon and examine some of the possible effects it will have on society. One of the principal reasons for smaller familiesprincipal reasons for smaller family units is birth control. As a country develops and becomes richer, contraception becomes more readily availablebirth control becomes more readily available. This may be due to an increase in the number of medical clinicsa rise in the number of medical clinics or the distribution of free contraception. As a result,The result of this is that people can choose their family sizepeople can choose family size. Another important factor is the rise in education levels that occurs as a country developsthe rise in the levels of education that occur as a country develops, which means that women attain higher levels of educationwomen are more educated and more likely to be working. Consequently, many women may choose to delaymany will want to delay having children and so will likely have fewer in the long termin the long-term. This can affect societyThis can impact on society in a number of ways. One positive effect is that the population will fall, which will likely result in less poverty as there will be less competition for scarce resources. The parents can also provide a better education to their children as it will cost less, which will benefit society as a whole. A possible negative impact is that there will be fewer youngyounger people in the workforce in the future, thus making the sustainability of future economic growth less certain. In, family size has fallen due to birth control and education, and this can have positive and negative impacts on society. Regardless of theseany impacts, this trend is likely to continue as countries around the world develop and become wealthier.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both questions clearly, with relevant reasons and a balanced account of possible social effects, while its varied vocabulary and generally controlled sentences make the argument easy to follow. Its main limitation is that several effects, especially the link between a smaller population and reduced poverty, are asserted too simply. Developing these causal claims with more precise explanation or an illustrative example should be the priority.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and social effects are addressed with a clear, relevant position and generally developed supporting ideas.
Explain the causal links behind the social effects more carefully, particularly the claim that population decline will reduce poverty.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes and effects, and cohesive devices generally make the sequence easy to follow despite the lack of clear paragraph divisions.
Separate the introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs to strengthen the essay's structure.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys the argument precisely, with only occasional awkward choices.
Refine a few collocations and phrasing choices, such as the use of articles and the expression concerning long-term family size.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied mix of simple and complex structures is used accurately enough for meaning to remain consistently clear.
Proofread for isolated slips and incomplete wording, especially the malformed opening of the concluding sentence.