Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Smoking has inevitably been a concern of governments around the globe considering how to manage and educate smoking people. This is due largely to the danger of the substance contained in the cigarettes, nicotine. As its drawback may also occur for the people near the smokers, policies related to this, particularly in public places, should be taken into account; whether it should be banned or not.
I personally think that forbidding such dangerous activity will be much beneficial that it can prevent others from having a vulnerable respiratory system. Moreover, this can maintain the places so clean that people could always find them fascinating with less air pollution. However, governments should consciously provide some special places which, in this case, can be used for smoking.
On the other hand, people who have currently been addicted to smoke would feel hard to avoid smoking in such places. As a result, they may smoke breaking the rule and not even feeling guilty. For this reason, there are two steps then to encounter this probable emerging problem. First, some strict law and appropriate punishment such as to pay more tax or to give any charity orphans or others needing. Second, education is one of the most prominent and essential ways to change peoples’ belief in terms of having their cigarette burnt.
However, banning such activity in public places is not merely a way to prevent others from the harms of smokes, but it will, to a larger extent, possibly be able to elevate people’s awareness of how dangerous smoking is.
To sum up, despite being a hard thing for smokers to not smoke, the policy which bans smoking in public places should be applied in order to save others. Nonetheless, people’s education in terms of the drawbacks of smoking is a part of this aim.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove article Original: the substance contained in the cigarettes Suggested revision: the substance contained in cigarettes Why it matters: Cigarettes refers to the product generally, so it does not take 'the.'
- 2. Fix clause link Original: will be much beneficial that Suggested revision: will be highly beneficial because Why it matters: Because correctly introduces the reason for the claimed benefit.
- 3. Use natural expression Original: having a vulnerable respiratory system Suggested revision: developing respiratory problems Why it matters: Developing respiratory problems is the natural expression for suffering this harm.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: maintain the places so clean Suggested revision: keep public places clean Why it matters: Keep a place clean is the standard collocation and clarifies the location.
- 5. Choose fitting adjective Original: fascinating Suggested revision: pleasant Why it matters: Pleasant describes a clean public environment more accurately than fascinating.
- 6. Use precise verb Original: consciously provide some special places Suggested revision: designate special places Why it matters: Designate precisely expresses formally setting places aside for smoking.
- 7. Signal a practical challenge Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: One practical challenge is that Why it matters: The paragraph introduces an implementation difficulty rather than an opposing position.
- 8. Fix verb pattern Original: have currently been addicted to smoke Suggested revision: are currently addicted to smoking Why it matters: Be addicted to takes a noun or gerund, and the simple present describes the current state.
- 9. Use correct construction Original: would feel hard to avoid Suggested revision: would find it difficult to avoid Why it matters: English uses 'find it difficult to' for difficulty performing an action.
- 10. Clarify the relationship Original: smoke breaking the rule Suggested revision: smoke in violation of the rule Why it matters: The prepositional phrase clearly states that smoking breaches the rule.
- 11. Use correct verb Original: two steps then to encounter Suggested revision: two steps to address Why it matters: A problem is addressed rather than encountered when measures are proposed.
- 12. Remove awkward wording Original: probable emerging problem Suggested revision: likely problem Why it matters: Likely problem conveys the intended probability without unnecessary wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- the substance contained in the cigarettes the substance contained in cigarettes
- will be much beneficial that will be highly beneficial because
- having a vulnerable respiratory system developing respiratory problems
- maintain the places so clean keep public places clean
- fascinating pleasant
- consciously provide some special places designate special places
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a consistent view in favour of a public smoking ban and organises its discussion around protecting others, designated smoking areas, enforcement, and education. However, development becomes diffuse and several arguments are expressed through awkward or inaccurate wording, with frequent grammatical problems. The highest priority is to focus each body paragraph on one directly relevant reason and explain it in clear, accurately formed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear supporting position is maintained and relevant benefits and practical measures are discussed, although some points remain general or drift toward implementation.
Develop the central reasons for agreement more fully and connect enforcement or education explicitly to the effectiveness of the proposed ban.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, but some linking expressions introduce relationships imprecisely and one short paragraph interrupts the flow.
Use each paragraph for one developed function and select connectors according to whether the relationship is contrast, result, or addition.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms make the expression unnatural.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as passive smoking, harmful effects, designated smoking areas, and raise awareness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in clause formation, articles, prepositions, possession, and sentence completeness weaken accuracy.
Build complete main clauses first, then add subordinate clauses while checking agreement, articles, and prepositions.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.