Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
The use of tobacco productsUse of tobacco products has become popular since the Industrial Revolutionpopular after the industrial revolution. Cigarettes are so cheaply available that people do not bother to think about it before lighting one in every minute. Society is engaged in a longstanding debate over whetherengaged in very long debate, whether smoking should be banned completely in public places or not. Some argue that it would encroach on one's freedomit would encroachment to one's freedom, while others support this idea. I think smokers should be allowed to smoke only in designated areas away from the public. According to the World Health OrganizationAccording to world health organisation, smoking is a major causesmoking is biggest cause of oral and lung cancer. Even people exposed to second-hand smokesecond-hand smokers, people who inhale smoke releasedreleases by smokers, are equally prone to these diseasesprone to the disease. Therefore, looking at this risk, smokers and non-smokers should be kept separateshould be segregated. In countries like the United States of America, designated smoking areas are built and smoking in public places is banned and fines are imposed if anyone is found using cigarettes in public place. While it may be easy to argue that banning smoking is intruding to one's freedom. But forcing one's smoke to other non-smokers is even a bigger crime. Advocates whoAdvocates, who campaign for a smoking banfight for the ban of smoking, ask that why should an innocent bystander be exposed to the smokesuffer from the smoke released by smokers? Therefore, it can easily be concluded that banning smoking in public places does not violate personal freedombanning smoking is public place is not attached to freedom; it is rather protecting the right to freedomimposing the right of freedom. Based on the points aboveWith above points, in conclusion, it can be concluded that with alternative designated places to smokealternative options for smoking location made available, smoking can be banned in all public locationsat all public location without causing controversywithout creating any controversy.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear, practical position: public smoking should be banned while designated areas preserve an option for smokers, and the health argument is supported with a relevant real-world example. Its main weaknesses are the single-block organisation and frequent awkward or faulty sentences; the priority is to separate the reasoning into focused paragraphs and express the freedom-versus-harm comparison more accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is maintained and supported through health risks, passive smoking, designated areas, and a response to the freedom objection.
Develop the freedom issue more carefully by explaining why preventing harm justifies limits while designated areas protect smokers' choices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical general sequence, but the lack of paragraphing and some repetitive conclusion signals weaken cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for the position, health evidence, the freedom counterargument, and the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of relevant vocabulary, although frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward phrases with natural forms such as infringe on freedom, expose non-smokers to smoke, and public places.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but errors in articles, verb forms, relative clauses, and sentence boundaries occur frequently.
Eliminate sentence fragments and check agreement and passive forms before attempting longer complex constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.