A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is true that people are judged based on their social status and personal wealth nowadays, and traditional values such as integrity and honesty are being forgotten. To a certain extent, I would agree with the fact that people are valued based on their wealth and status these days, but I also believe that old fashioned values still plays an important part in our societies.
It is believed that we are living in the pop culture and materialistic era these days, as the public judge each individual based on his/her social status and wealth. It can be seen from how celebrities become famous nowadays. Many celebrities are being popular because of their physical appearance and personal wealth such Kim Kardashian. Her reality television program never shows any world class acting quality, but only shows about her luxurious mansions and fancy cars. And then there are other celebrities who are well known due to his/her social status as the son or the daughter of a wealthy family. One of the examples would be Paris Hilton. Although she has many bad attitudes, she is still popular because she inherits the assets of her parents.
Although traditional values such as respect others, being responsible, honesty and integrity seem to be forgotten nowadays, but they still play an important part in many communities. In common cases, employers are still assessing their potential employees based their hard working attitude, positive behaviour and their integrity. And then business people are still looking for business partners who are reliable, can be trusted, and dependable. Therefore, it is important for adults to educate their children about these positive values because they still play an essential part in the societies.
In conclusion, even though people are judged based on their wealth and social status nowadays, but I do believe that old fashioned values such as honour, respect and trust cannot be eliminated from our daily lives. Therefore we must teach our young generation about these cultures, in order for them to survive and succeed in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel nouns Original: in the pop culture and materialistic era Suggested revision: in an era of pop culture and materialism Why it matters: Materialism is the noun parallel to pop culture, and an is the appropriate article.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: judge Suggested revision: judges Why it matters: The collective noun public takes a singular verb in this construction.
- 3. Use inclusive pronoun Original: based on his/her social status and wealth Suggested revision: based on their social status and wealth Why it matters: Singular they avoids the cumbersome slash form while agreeing with each individual.
- 4. Use stative form Original: are being popular Suggested revision: are popular Why it matters: Popular describes a state and does not normally take the progressive form here.
- 5. Complete example phrase Original: wealth such Kim Kardashian Suggested revision: wealth, such as Kim Kardashian Why it matters: The example marker requires as, and a comma should introduce it.
- 6. Use concise transition Original: And then there are Suggested revision: There are also Why it matters: The revision links the additional example more directly and avoids an informal sentence opening.
- 7. Use inclusive pronoun Original: due to his/her social status Suggested revision: due to their social status Why it matters: Singular they provides clear agreement without the awkward slash form.
- 8. Use general articles Original: as the son or the daughter Suggested revision: as a son or daughter Why it matters: The indefinite article is appropriate because no specific son or daughter has yet been identified.
- 9. Use natural expression Original: many bad attitudes Suggested revision: a poor attitude Why it matters: Attitude is normally singular when describing one person's general behaviour.
- 10. Use suitable tense Original: inherits the assets of her parents Suggested revision: inherited her parents' wealth Why it matters: The past tense is needed for a completed inheritance, and the possessive phrase is more natural.
- 11. Use idiomatic qualifier Original: common Suggested revision: many Why it matters: In many cases is the standard expression for describing a frequent situation.
- 12. Add preposition and hyphen Original: based their hard working attitude Suggested revision: based on their hardworking attitude Why it matters: Based requires on, and hardworking is written as one word before a noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the pop culture and materialistic era in an era of pop culture and materialism
- judge judges
- based on his/her social status and wealth based on their social status and wealth
- are being popular are popular
- wealth such Kim Kardashian wealth, such as Kim Kardashian
- And then there are There are also
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a nuanced position and supports both sides with clear examples from celebrity culture, employment, and business. Its main weakness is frequent grammatical inaccuracy and some awkward wording, especially in agreement, prepositions, pronoun reference, and concessive clauses. The highest-priority improvement is to edit complex sentences carefully so the strong argument is expressed with greater accuracy and naturalness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the extent question with a consistent partial-agreement position and relevant, reasonably developed examples.
Qualify the celebrity examples more carefully and explain more explicitly how they demonstrate society-wide judgments of personal worth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into a clear introduction, two contrasting body sections, and a conclusion, with generally logical progression.
Reduce mechanical linking such as And then and integrate examples into the argument with smoother referential connections.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers abstract values, materialism, celebrity, and employment with adequate range, though several collocations are unnatural.
Use more precise combinations such as gain popularity, professional ability, and a strong work ethic, and avoid vague words such as cultures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, pronouns, and although-but structures weaken control.
Revise concessive clauses to use either although or but, then check every subject-verb pair and required preposition.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.