The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In recent years, overall life expectancy across the globe has increased considerably, which is delightful, but this straightaway leads people to continue working at an older age. Some consider starting work at a younger age to be a solutionstarting to work at an early age as a solution; however, I do not find it positive at all, which is explained in this essayin the below composition.
Generally, people graduatecomplete their graduation when they are 22 or 23when they turn 23 or 22 and start working or running businessesstart doing jobs or business. If these young peoplethese naive minds, at 20 or 21, without even graduatingwithout even completing their graduation, start working in a multinational company, then they might lose confidencelose their confidence as they are not aware of workplace practicesoffice operations. Further to this, from an optimistic perspective, if they earn well, still they do not possess the level of maturity to save or invest the money they earn. Basically, they do not even know what the best buy in a grocery store is. ConsequentlyIn this way, nations, especially developing countries, may lose some promising studentsconceivably lose some bright students. In India, for instance, many students abandonabscond their college studies to take a part-time jobin order to do a part-time job. ConsequentlyStill, many of them never graduatecomplete graduation and end up with a poor career prospectsdisastrous professional career. On top of this, many students leave their academic careers completely once they start earning, which, in my view, is completely preposterous because those innocent minds could not see their life from a broader vision. Hence, it would be an injustice to millennials if we make them work at an early age.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear negative position and supports it with a sustained explanation of how very early employment may interrupt education and weaken long-term prospects. Its main limitation is that it equates starting younger with leaving university in one extended paragraph, so the argument is narrower and more repetitive than the task requires; the priority is to consider a realistic range of starting ages, organise distinct reasons, and add a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative position is maintained and supported, but the response treats younger employment too narrowly as abandoning university and ends without a conclusion.
Evaluate the proposal more broadly by considering different starting ages and employment arrangements, then restate the judgement in a brief conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly clear line, although one long body paragraph contains repetitive points and limits paragraph-level organisation.
Divide the reasoning into distinct paragraphs, such as educational consequences and financial maturity, with each paragraph developing one central idea.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise choices make the language sound unnatural despite generally clear meaning.
Replace expressions such as below composition, abscond their college studies, and broader vision with natural, context-appropriate academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is used with generally clear meaning, though several clauses have awkward word order or faulty linking.
Improve control of concessive and conditional structures, especially constructions such as if they earn well, still they do not possess.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.