The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The remarkable advancesastounding prance of medical science and technology havetechnologies has greatly improvedphenomenally improved and enhanced people's quality of life and average lifespanthe quality and the average life span of people today. With this, the total population has also substantially expanded, thereby increasingthereby, increasing pressure and competitionthe strife and competition to survive. Hence, starting work at a younger age seemspeople starting to work at a younger age seems to be a pragmatic and wise option.
Without any shade of thought otherwise, it is very evident that the competition amongst people today has been neck-jolting, and with more focus on specificity and less on the generalized version, the situation has only aggravated. Working from an early ageright from the early years helps in honing the skillsskillsets of employees, giving them enough opportunities to try out different ventures and probe the zone they are enchanted by. Secondly, being employed from the very start gives a wider range of fields to work ina larger array and spectrum to work in and, obviously, a longer period to earn moneyearn the capital, which would support them later in lifeanchor them in the later stages of life. Youths getting enough exposure is one thing, but other than that, even the employers and organizations benefit fromare benefitted from the diligence and better attention span of their young employeescounterparts. A greater ability to learnBetter grasping power is yet another factor in this regard.
With the ever-increasing population dynamics of the current world, where resources are getting sparser and scantier day by day, “Survival Of The Fittest” shall soon come into the picture amongst people and in this framework, it shall be very arduous and onerous to stabilize and board themselves and therefore, working from the younger age gives people a plethora of options they are best suited for and hence efficiently get their hands on the job they are well invested and inclined towards.
Some may argue that younger people are exhausted bychampion the perspective of younger people being hackneyed by the work pressure. However, that could be greatly mitigated under the guidance of older professionalsin the tutelage of elder working professionals.
Summing up, it is conspicuously essential and should rather be a must for the people of current times to start working from a younger age to harness the best of their potential. Also, the investment in the form of hours put in is directly proportional to the quality of life in later lifethe elderly state of human life.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear positive position and offers several potentially relevant benefits of beginning work earlier, including skill development, longer earnings, and workplace exposure. Its main limitation is that these ideas are often asserted through exaggerated or unclear language and are only loosely connected to the retirement issue in the prompt. The highest-priority improvement is to develop two precise, realistic reasons and explain explicitly how each affects people's ability to finance a longer retirement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The positive position is clear and several relevant benefits are presented, but their connection to longer life expectancy and retirement is often indirect or insufficiently explained.
Select two central benefits and develop each with a realistic example that directly shows how starting younger supports retirement finances.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall argument is recognisable and paragraphing is evident, although progression weakens through repetition, abrupt additions, and an overloaded third paragraph.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and divide long chains of reasoning into shorter, clearly sequenced sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and inflated expressions make several ideas unnatural or difficult to interpret.
Prioritise accurate, conventional wording and replace phrases such as neck-jolting and hackneyed by the work pressure with precise everyday academic language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted frequently, but agreement, article, preposition, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors recur and sometimes strain clarity.
Use fewer multi-clause sentences and check each clause for a clear subject-verb relationship before adding further coordination or subordination.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.