Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Sample Response
Recently, it is has become notoriously difficult for students to focus on their lessons. In my opinion, this is a partly natural phenomenon that has been exacerbated by technology and the solutions lie in strict restriction and supervision.
The causes of a lack of concentration at school are both the pervasiveness of technology and human nature. Firstly, people have always struggled to focus. Very few students enjoy concentrating on tedious lessons and completing endless assignments at school. However, this has become worse as corporations exploit fundamental human characteristics. Research has shown that the number of hours one spends on a laptop, smartphone, or tablet has a direct correlation with a shorter attention span. The reason for this is that technology supplies passive, immediate gratification. Therefore, students cannot focus because of a combination of human susceptibility and predatory consumer electronics companies.
The most feasible solutions are for parents and schools to monitor students strictly. This begins with parents. They must either approve or purchase a child their first smartphone or tablet and manage their early interactions with technology. Many parents consciously gift young children these devices to help them learn how to use technology and aid their cognitive development. By waiting until later in life to approve a smartphone or limiting daily screen time, this issue can be greatly mitigated from the onset. Schools also have a role to play as they must enforce strict rules banning the use of smartphones at school. For example, in many Asian countries, students’ phones are confiscated if they are found using them during, or even between, classes.
In conclusion, a lack of focus at school is driven by human nature and modern technology and parents and schools must work together to curb the worst excesses. Government regulation would also help but should not be expected.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra auxiliary Original: it is has become Suggested revision: it has become Why it matters: The clause needs only one auxiliary before the past participle.
- 2. Use neutral emphasis Original: notoriously Suggested revision: increasingly Why it matters: The replacement conveys a growing difficulty without the overly negative connotation of 'notoriously'.
- 3. Place adverb naturally Original: a partly natural phenomenon Suggested revision: partly a natural phenomenon Why it matters: The degree adverb is more naturally placed before the noun phrase it qualifies.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: restriction Suggested revision: limits Why it matters: 'Strict limits' is a more natural collocation for controlling technology use.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: has a direct correlation with Suggested revision: is directly correlated with Why it matters: The replacement expresses the relationship more concisely and precisely.
- 6. Reduce loaded wording Original: predatory consumer electronics companies Suggested revision: consumer electronics companies that exploit these tendencies Why it matters: The revision states the claimed behaviour more precisely and avoids an unnecessarily emotive label.
- 7. Use natural verb Original: consciously gift young children these devices Suggested revision: deliberately give young children these devices Why it matters: 'Give' is more natural and direct in this context than the formal-sounding verb 'gift'.
- 8. Correct fixed expression Original: onset Suggested revision: outset Why it matters: 'From the outset' is the standard expression meaning from the beginning.
- 9. Separate independent clauses Original: modern technology and parents Suggested revision: modern technology, and parents Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: They must either approve or purchase a child their first smartphone or tablet and manage their early interactions with technology. Suggested revision: They must decide when to approve or purchase a child's first smartphone or tablet and manage the child's early interactions with technology. Why it matters: The original coordination and noun phrase are grammatically unclear, while the rewrite preserves the intended parental responsibility.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Government regulation would also help but should not be expected. Suggested revision: Government regulation would also help, although it should not be relied upon. Why it matters: The rewrite makes clear what should not be expected and expresses the contrast naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is has become it has become
- notoriously increasingly
- a partly natural phenomenon partly a natural phenomenon
- restriction limits
- has a direct correlation with is directly correlated with
- predatory consumer electronics companies consumer electronics companies that exploit these tendencies
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions directly, maintains a clear position, and develops its main ideas with relevant explanation and examples; its logical organisation and flexible vocabulary are especially strong. The main limitation is a small cluster of grammatical slips and awkward constructions, so the highest-priority improvement is careful proofreading for verb forms, articles, and clause attachment while preserving the essay's strong development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through a clear position, well-developed causes, and relevant practical solutions.
Strengthen the response further by qualifying broad claims about research and technology companies with more precise support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used smoothly and unobtrusively.
Make the final reference to government regulation connect more explicitly to the solutions already developed.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas naturally, with only occasional awkward collocations.
Replace less natural phrases such as from the onset and approve a child their first smartphone with idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with strong control, although several noticeable local errors remain.
Proofread carefully for doubled verb forms, article choice, and dangling introductory clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.