Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Sample Response
Past few decades, humankind put more weight on education and health. Several individuals believe that a host of learners find it difficult to learn at an educational institution. In this essay, I not only mitigate solutions, but I will also discuss the reasons behind it, in the following paragraphs, along with a logical conclusion.
There are numerous reasons behind it. First and foremost, in this contemporary era, youth adept new things easily. They more like to cherish life rather than study in addition, owing to own smartphone or computer, they play games and after some period addicted thus, find less attention during lectures. Secondly, we all know that in this internet time, everything is available. The majority of pupils get education from digital platforms where they learn it with visual effects.
To tackle this predicament, the authority, schools and parents play a vital role. The school have to develop an environment where the student learns education without and burden, and the authority can forge a new educational system. In other words, e-learning in physics class would be a better option which creates interest and pupils pay attention. Furthermore, the guardian ought to give some on children and monitor them such as only giving some hours for gaming types activities.
In conclusion, it’s true that young people distract by other stuff, western culture affluence and because of technological amenities are the main reasons, and the educational field and parents tackle this problem together and aid to shine their career or future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add time preposition Original: Past few decades Suggested revision: Over the past few decades Why it matters: This time expression needs a preposition and article.
- 2. Use present perfect Original: humankind put Suggested revision: humankind has placed Why it matters: The present perfect links the past change to the present.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: Several individuals Suggested revision: Many people Why it matters: This phrase is more natural for a general claim.
- 4. Name students directly Original: a host of learners Suggested revision: many students Why it matters: The direct term is clearer and matches the school context.
- 5. Match the focus issue Original: learn at an educational institution Suggested revision: concentrate at school Why it matters: This wording accurately expresses the attention problem described in the task.
- 6. Correct verb choice Original: mitigate Suggested revision: propose Why it matters: Solutions are proposed, whereas problems are mitigated.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: discuss the reasons behind it Suggested revision: discuss the reasons for this problem Why it matters: The explicit noun avoids an unclear pronoun reference.
- 8. Repair verb phrase Original: youth adept new things easily Suggested revision: young people readily learn new things Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a grammatical verb and misuses “adept”.
- 9. Use standard expression Original: in this internet time Suggested revision: in the internet age Why it matters: This is the conventional expression for the present technological period.
- 10. Improve collocation Original: get Suggested revision: receive Why it matters: “Receive education” is the natural academic collocation.
- 11. Clarify learning method Original: learn it with visual effects Suggested revision: learn through visual materials Why it matters: “Visual materials” clearly describes educational content rather than entertainment effects.
- 12. Use plural authority Original: the authority, schools and parents Suggested revision: authorities, schools and parents Why it matters: The general reference to governing bodies requires the plural noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- Past few decades Over the past few decades
- humankind put humankind has placed
- Several individuals Many people
- a host of learners many students
- learn at an educational institution concentrate at school
- mitigate propose
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions and uses a recognizable problem-solution structure, with practical references to classroom technology and parental monitoring. However, several ideas are only briefly or unclearly explained, while frequent inaccurate word choices and grammatical errors make many sentences difficult to follow. The main priority is to develop one clear cause and one matched solution in precise, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed, but the causes and solutions are unevenly explained and sometimes unclear.
Develop each main cause with a specific explanation, then show clearly how the proposed solution addresses it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The problem-solution paragraph structure is recognizable, although progression within sentences is often disrupted by faulty linking and run-on construction.
Use one controlling idea per paragraph and connect shorter sentences with simple, accurate cohesive devices.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and collocations reduce precision and readability.
Prioritize accurate, natural combinations such as lose concentration, become addicted, and limit gaming time.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles, and verb forms cause difficulty for the reader.
Build complete subject-verb sentences first and check agreement and verb forms before adding subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.