Some claim that studying abroad has great benefits for a student’s home country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
Getting an education in foreign universities is now gaining ground. Many students prefer to study abroad either for completing their tertiaryterritory education or pursuing diploma programmesdoing diplomas. In my perspective, I completely disagree that if students go overseas for studying in return, they bring a lot of benefits. One drawback of this movement is brain drain, and another is alienation from their culture.
First and foremost, students seek their better prospectsgreener posture overseas, so they are attractedget allure by seeing the benefits of getting an education abroad. For the same purpose, they migrate to foreignalien countries. I think this trend leads to brain drain. To elaborate, even though having been literate and positioning at the right job, pupils tend to move overseas for doing further study to have a higher living standard. They do so to gainThey do owe to getting ample opportunities in the sector of education. Besides, high-status positionshigh rank and millions of dollars encouragefascinate them to leave their country and get education in foreign countries. Thus this movement of learners makes their own country disadvantagedhandicapped as their own native land isget deprived of services that these learners can render after completing their educationwhole education in their motherland. For instance, students who live in developing countries are more likely to move overseasshift more overseas. Although they have essential skills or strong aptitude,Although they have essential skills or good aptitude, still they prefer alien countries. Despite having grown up and been educatedDespite having been grown-up, educated in their own country, when it is time to repay their debtthere is time to pay the debt, they choose to serve foreign countries.
Furthermore, pupils spend money for many years to obtain a degree in their respective fields. Thus, they assimilate into western culture and gradually forget their own culture. They fully comprehend the maxim:the maxim- when in Rome, do as the Romans do. So they immerse themselves in Western customsengross themselves in western rituals, and they get disconnected from their roots. It is a huge culture loss. For instance, now most pupils wantthink to live abroad even at the cost of losing their culture and embracing the western one. They feel embarrassed to wearhumiliated in wearing traditional clothes and speaking their mother tongue with those from the same motherland. Thus, the cultural loss is a big disadvantage for the home country.
In conclusion, Although the movement of studying overseas is beneficial for the students as well as the host country,host country; but, it has great disadvantages for the home country as learners get alienated from the roots of their nation and in later periods of their life, they provide valuable services to the host country, and they do nothing valuable for their motherland. Moreover, their own country does not get the services of their countrymen.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two relevant lines of argument about brain drain and cultural alienation. Its main limitation is that development relies on broad assertions and vague examples, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to express each cause-and-effect point in accurate, natural sentences and support it with one specific, credible example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops two relevant disadvantages, although support is often general and repetitive.
Develop each main idea with a precise causal explanation and one specific example that directly demonstrates harm to the home country.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical overall structure and clear paragraph purposes, but progression within paragraphs is sometimes repetitive or loosely connected.
Organise each body paragraph around one concise claim, then sequence its explanation and example without restating the same point.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as unnatural literal phrases with common academic collocations and check that each word conveys the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in clause construction, agreement, articles, and punctuation weaken control.
Use shorter, accurately controlled complex sentences and proofread each one for subject-verb agreement and complete clause structure.