Some claim that studying abroad has great benefits for a student’s home country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Getting an education in foreign universities is now gaining ground. Many students prefer to study abroad either for completing their territory education or doing diplomas. In my perspective, I completely disagree that if students go overseas for studying in return, they bring a lot of benefits. One drawback of this movement is brain drain, and another is alienation from their culture.
First and foremost, students seek their greener posture overseas, so they get allure by seeing the benefits of getting an education abroad. For the same purpose, they migrate to alien countries. I think this trend leads to brain drain. To elaborate, even though having been literate and positioning at the right job, pupils tend to move overseas for doing further study to have a higher living standard. They do owe to getting ample opportunities in the sector of education. Besides, high rank and millions of dollars fascinate them to leave their country and get education in foreign countries. Thus this movement of learners makes their own country handicapped as their own native land get deprived of services that these learners can render after completing their whole education in their motherland. For instance, students who live in developing countries shift more overseas. Although they have essential skills or good aptitude, still they prefer alien countries. Despite having been grown-up, educated in their own country, when there is time to pay the debt, they choose to serve foreign countries.
Furthermore, pupils spend money for many years to obtain a degree in their respective fields. Thus, they assimilate into western culture and gradually forget their own culture. They fully comprehend the maxim- when in Rome, do as the Romans do. So they engross themselves in western rituals, and they get disconnected from their roots. It is a huge culture loss. For instance, now most pupils think to live abroad even at the cost of losing their culture and embracing the western one. They feel humiliated in wearing traditional clothes and speaking their mother tongue with those from the same motherland. Thus, the cultural loss is a big disadvantage for the home country.
In conclusion, Although the movement of studying overseas is beneficial for the students as well as the host country; but, it has great disadvantages for the home country as learners get alienated from the roots of their nation and in later periods of their life, they provide valuable services to the host country, and they do nothing valuable for their motherland. Moreover, their own country does not get the services of their countrymen.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct word form Original: territory Suggested revision: tertiary Why it matters: The intended term for post-secondary education is “tertiary education.”
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: doing diplomas Suggested revision: pursuing diploma programmes Why it matters: People pursue diploma programmes rather than do diplomas.
- 3. Correct the expression Original: greener posture Suggested revision: better prospects Why it matters: “Better prospects” expresses the intended idea of improved opportunities.
- 4. Fix verb form Original: get allure Suggested revision: are attracted Why it matters: The passive form “are attracted” is required in this context.
- 5. Use neutral wording Original: alien Suggested revision: foreign Why it matters: “Foreign countries” is the natural neutral term for countries abroad.
- 6. Repair clause structure Original: They do owe to getting Suggested revision: They do so to gain Why it matters: This wording clearly expresses the purpose of moving overseas.
- 7. Clarify the noun phrase Original: high rank Suggested revision: high-status positions Why it matters: “High-status positions” clearly identifies the attractive employment outcome.
- 8. Correct verb pattern Original: fascinate Suggested revision: encourage Why it matters: “Encourage someone to leave” is the appropriate verb pattern for this meaning.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: handicapped Suggested revision: disadvantaged Why it matters: “Disadvantaged” describes the country's loss of skilled workers more precisely.
- 10. Fix agreement and voice Original: get Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The singular subject requires “is,” and the passive construction fits the meaning.
- 11. Remove unnatural wording Original: whole education Suggested revision: education Why it matters: “Whole” is unnecessary and unnatural with the uncountable noun “education.”
- 12. Use a natural phrase Original: shift more overseas Suggested revision: are more likely to move overseas Why it matters: This phrase clearly expresses the claimed tendency among students.
Suggested Rewrites
- territory tertiary
- doing diplomas pursuing diploma programmes
- greener posture better prospects
- get allure are attracted
- alien foreign
- They do owe to getting They do so to gain
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two relevant lines of argument about brain drain and cultural alienation. Its main limitation is that development relies on broad assertions and vague examples, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to express each cause-and-effect point in accurate, natural sentences and support it with one specific, credible example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops two relevant disadvantages, although support is often general and repetitive.
Develop each main idea with a precise causal explanation and one specific example that directly demonstrates harm to the home country.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical overall structure and clear paragraph purposes, but progression within paragraphs is sometimes repetitive or loosely connected.
Organise each body paragraph around one concise claim, then sequence its explanation and example without restating the same point.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as unnatural literal phrases with common academic collocations and check that each word conveys the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in clause construction, agreement, articles, and punctuation weaken control.
Use shorter, accurately controlled complex sentences and proofread each one for subject-verb agreement and complete clause structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some claim that studying abroad has great benefits for a student’s home country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.