Some claim that studying abroad has great benefits for a student’s home country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today, more and more parents are sending their kids to study abroad, leading to the question of whether study-abroad students are beneficial to their home country. Although I strongly agree that there are benefits to the home country, I also think there are downsides.
There are two main reasons why I think the government should welcome students who choose to pursue education in another country. Firstly, it is a fact that there are lots of prestigious educational institutions around the world that Vietnamese students can attend. This means that these students can grow to their fullest potentials, then return to Vietnam with this knowledge and help to develop the country in multiple aspects. Secondly, going abroad will help equip students with new perspectives and lifestyles, which benefits the home country. For example, students who come back from the US will usually be more open-minded and proactive in their workplace. As a result, they will gradually change the work culture for the better.
However, that is not to say that the home country would always benefit from study-abroad students. The first reason is that there is an alarming portion of students who do not return home after being abroad. Many reasons can explain this phenomenon, such as the home country does not offer a stable enough career prospect, or that the pay is not high enough, but one thing for sure is that this leads to brain drain. The second reason is that students can be out of touch with the social scene in their home country after studying abroad. As a result, fresh graduates may find it difficult to blend in at work. For example, most abroad students are ignorant of social movements happening in their home countries and often are not engaged in conversations at work with these topics.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that the benefits that study-abroad students bring to their home country are undeniable. However, I do not think studying abroad is suitable for anyone, and that we should have some policies to ensure that these students will be more likely to return after graduating.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal register Original: kids Suggested revision: children Why it matters: The more formal noun is better suited to an academic essay.
- 2. Use singular noun Original: fullest potentials Suggested revision: full potential Why it matters: Potential is normally uncountable in this expression.
- 3. Clarify reference Original: this Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive clearly links the knowledge to the returning students.
- 4. Improve collocation Original: develop the country in multiple aspects Suggested revision: contribute to the country's development in several areas Why it matters: The revised phrase uses a more natural collocation for national development.
- 5. Fix verb collocation Original: equip students with new perspectives and lifestyles Suggested revision: give students new perspectives and exposure to different lifestyles Why it matters: People can acquire perspectives and experience lifestyles, but they are not equipped with lifestyles.
- 6. Use correct quantifier Original: an alarming portion of students Suggested revision: an alarmingly high proportion of students Why it matters: Proportion is the appropriate term for a share of a group in this formal context.
- 7. State activity precisely Original: being Suggested revision: studying Why it matters: The revision identifies the relevant overseas activity rather than merely the location.
- 8. Use plural noun Original: stable enough career prospect Suggested revision: sufficiently stable career prospects Why it matters: The general reference requires the plural form, and the adverb fits the adjective more naturally.
- 9. Fix fixed expression Original: one thing for sure is that Suggested revision: one thing is certain: Why it matters: This complete construction replaces the grammatically incomplete phrase and correctly introduces the result.
- 10. Use natural modifier Original: most abroad students Suggested revision: most students who have studied abroad Why it matters: Abroad does not naturally function as an adjective before students.
- 11. Fix preposition choice Original: conversations at work with these topics Suggested revision: workplace conversations about these topics Why it matters: Conversations are about topics, so with is the wrong preposition here.
- 12. Use formal quantity Original: lots of Suggested revision: many Why it matters: Many is more appropriate than the conversational phrase in an academic essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- kids children
- fullest potentials full potential
- this their
- develop the country in multiple aspects contribute to the country's development in several areas
- equip students with new perspectives and lifestyles give students new perspectives and exposure to different lifestyles
- an alarming portion of students an alarmingly high proportion of students
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear qualified agreement and organises relevant benefits and drawbacks into an easy-to-follow argument supported by examples. Its main limitation is uneven language control: several awkward collocations and faulty clause patterns reduce precision even though meaning remains clear. The highest-priority improvement is to revise sentences for natural word combinations and complete grammatical structures, especially when introducing causes, examples, and generalisations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the extent question with a consistent qualified position and develops relevant benefits and drawbacks.
Make the final judgement more exact by explaining why the benefits outweigh the acknowledged risks rather than merely restating agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four main reasons are grouped and sequenced clearly, though signposting is sometimes mechanical.
Use more varied logical transitions and make the relationship between the counterarguments and the qualified position more explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurring unnatural combinations reduce accuracy and flexibility.
Use natural collocations such as reach their full potential, a significant proportion, and students who studied abroad.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex and simple structures communicates the argument clearly, despite several noticeable construction errors.
Correct faulty cause-and-example structures, especially the parallelism in such as the home country does not offer and or that the pay is not high enough.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some claim that studying abroad has great benefits for a student’s home country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.