Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from?
Sample Response
People have different views on how to achieve success as some believe that we should take risks for being successful, while others think measured planning is the key to success. The following essay will discuss both views in details. On the one hand, it is a fact that taking risks is one of the most important keys to success. Risk takers are smart and innovative people as they have creative ideas and planning and they dare to take chances. Should the plan work out, people would start to recognise and get attracted to their ideas and output, and soon it might become a big fortune for them. For example, in 2005 Steve Jobs created the Ipad tablet which was a newly developed product at that time. Although there was a risk of failure, he took the risk of launching the product to the world and in the end, the tablet became a sensational device all over the world. On the other hand, some people think the only way to success is through careful and precise planning. They believe that in order to take new steps in life or to make a new business product, people should have a good feasibility study and proper planning. By having a good measurable planning, they would already anticipate and mitigate the risk should there be any failure in the plan. In my opinion, I believe in the combination of both ideas as people must have plans and dreams in their life and the way to achieve that dream is through making action plans and take the risk.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct purpose form Original: for being successful Suggested revision: to succeed Why it matters: An infinitive expresses purpose naturally after 'take risks'.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: measured planning Suggested revision: careful planning Why it matters: This is the standard collocation for deliberate preparation.
- 3. Avoid unsupported certainty Original: it is a fact that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Deleting this phrase makes the claim appropriately measured and more direct.
- 4. Improve metaphor Original: one of the most important keys Suggested revision: one of the most important factors Why it matters: 'Factors' fits a claim about several contributors to success more naturally.
- 5. Clarify causal link Original: as they have Suggested revision: because they have Why it matters: The causal conjunction makes the relationship between the two clauses explicit.
- 6. Restore parallel nouns Original: planning and they dare Suggested revision: plans and dare Why it matters: The count noun 'plans' parallels 'ideas' and avoids repeating the subject.
- 7. Add missing object Original: people would start to recognise Suggested revision: people would start to recognise them Why it matters: The transitive verb 'recognise' needs an object referring to the ideas and outputs.
- 8. Use precise response verb Original: get attracted to Suggested revision: become interested in Why it matters: The replacement describes an audience's response to ideas more naturally.
- 9. Use parallel plurals Original: ideas and output Suggested revision: ideas and products Why it matters: The plural concrete noun matches 'ideas' and clarifies what people recognise.
- 10. Use formal expression Original: a big fortune Suggested revision: a great financial success Why it matters: This phrase communicates commercial success more precisely.
- 11. Correct product spelling Original: the Ipad tablet Suggested revision: the iPad tablet Why it matters: The product name requires its standard internal capitalisation.
- 12. Remove redundancy Original: newly developed product Suggested revision: new product Why it matters: 'Newly developed' repeats the idea already contained in 'new'.
Suggested Rewrites
- for being successful to succeed
- measured planning careful planning
- it is a fact that Delete
- one of the most important keys one of the most important factors
- as they have because they have
- planning and they dare plans and dare
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents both explanations for success and reaches a clear combined view, with the risk-taking example providing its strongest development. However, the planning argument and final position are relatively brief, while the single-block structure and recurring awkward collocations reduce clarity. Prioritise distinct paragraphing and fuller explanation of how careful planning and calculated risk interact to produce success.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both perspectives and gives a relevant opinion, but the planning side and combined position need fuller development.
Explain in detail how planning controls risk and why the two approaches work best together.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main idea, and the conclusion into clearly focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the topic, although several word choices and collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use natural combinations such as careful planning, take action, and build a fortune more consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed, but recurring article, agreement, and sentence-construction errors reduce control.
Check noun forms and parallel structures, especially when linking planning with taking risks.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.