Some think that governments should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It has been argued that the regime should impose a tariff on eating fast food, which is not beneficial for mankind. This step will stimulate the masses to consume staple food. I completely agree with the statement because the overweight problem can be resolved well well as traditional food cannot lose its value in modern society.
To begin with, due to fast-paced life, people are consuming more instant food and creating a problem of obesity. A government can progress well if its citizens are robust. Therefore, imposing a tax on junk food is mandatory. Resultantly, individuals will eat occasionally, and they will tend to eat more healthy food to keep themselves in a good physique. To exemplify it, economic recession, as well as a hike in prices of canned food, has drastically reduced the intake of readymade food. This largely happened during COVID-19, and people have shifted their preferences to homemade food. Thus, this approach will reduce the expenditure of folk, who can use that portion of their income on other useful things.
Moving further, putting a tax on unhealthy food will maintain the value of traditional food, which is unpopular among people due to its time-consuming process. To elaborate, readymade food can be prepared instantly, while homemade food takes a lot of time, as well as a lot of labour, is needed to prepare it. Therefore, people avoid making it, and consequently, its value in society decreases. So, if the government puts a tax on it, then it is beneficial to revive cultural food. Because a country is best known for its food, and if it is lost, then the identity of a country will be at stake. Imposing tax is highly needed to make people remind about their cultural food.
To conclude, thus, it is ostensible that having a tax on unhealthy food is mandatory for the sake of good health of the people as well as for reducing their financial burden. Moreover, traditional food can be saved, which is disappearing in modern society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a countable noun Original: life Suggested revision: lifestyles Why it matters: Lifestyle needs a determiner in the singular, so the plural form is more natural here.
- 2. Use precise food term Original: consuming more instant food Suggested revision: eating more fast food Why it matters: Fast food matches the food category discussed throughout the response more precisely.
- 3. Improve cause collocation Original: creating a problem of obesity Suggested revision: contributing to obesity Why it matters: Contributing to obesity is the natural expression for describing this causal relationship.
- 4. Use the correct subject Original: A government can progress well Suggested revision: A country can prosper Why it matters: A country, rather than its government as an institution, is normally described as prospering.
- 5. Choose natural adjective Original: robust Suggested revision: healthy Why it matters: Healthy directly expresses the intended physical condition, whereas robust sounds unnatural here.
- 6. Use natural connector Original: Resultantly Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: Consequently is the standard formal connector for the result described.
- 7. Specify what is eaten Original: individuals will eat occasionally Suggested revision: individuals will eat fast food less often Why it matters: The original wording does not identify the food or clearly express a reduction in consumption.
- 8. Use comparative form Original: more healthy food Suggested revision: healthier food Why it matters: Healthier is the standard comparative form of healthy.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: in a good physique Suggested revision: in good physical condition Why it matters: In good physical condition is the natural phrase for maintaining health.
- 10. Use standard example marker Original: To exemplify it Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: For example introduces the illustration directly and idiomatically.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: This largely happened during COVID-19 Suggested revision: This shift largely occurred during COVID-19 Why it matters: Naming the shift gives the demonstrative a clear referent.
- 12. Use formal wording Original: expenditure of folk Suggested revision: people's expenditure Why it matters: Folk is inappropriate in this formal context, and the possessive construction is more natural.
Suggested Rewrites
- life lifestyles
- consuming more instant food eating more fast food
- creating a problem of obesity contributing to obesity
- A government can progress well A country can prosper
- robust healthy
- Resultantly Consequently
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and organizes two distinct supporting reasons into an easy-to-follow structure. However, the case is weakened by partially relevant or uncertain claims, particularly the shift from healthier eating to preserving traditional food, while frequent awkward word choices and sentence constructions reduce precision. Prioritize a direct causal argument showing how the tax changes food choices, then express each step with more natural vocabulary and accurately controlled complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is sustained, but some support is only partly relevant or convincingly connected to healthier eating.
Develop one precise causal chain from taxation to changed purchasing habits and health outcomes, supported by a clearly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical overall structure and clear paragraph purposes, although linking is sometimes mechanical or inaccurately signposted.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and make the connection between consecutive claims explicit through their content.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and unsuitable choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Prefer exact everyday academic terms such as 'government,' 'tax,' and 'people' over forced alternatives such as 'regime,' 'tariff,' and 'masses.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms communicates the main ideas, but recurring construction, agreement, and sentence-boundary errors are noticeable.
Practise building controlled complex sentences with one clear main clause, checking clause attachment, agreement, and complete sentence boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some think that governments should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.