Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The factors contributing to students' academic success have long been a topic of heated debate. Some argue that good teachers are the key to academic achievement, while others believe that students' attitudes and determination play a more significant role. This essay will discuss both viewpoints and present an opinion that a combination of good teachers and student determination is essential for academic success.
Proponents of the importance of good teachers argue that educators are instrumental in shaping students' learning experiences and outcomes. Effective teachers not only impart knowledge but also inspire and motivate students to reach their full potential. They employ innovative teaching methods, provide individualised attention, and create a supportive learning environment. For example, a teacher who recognises a student's unique strengths and weaknesses can tailor their instruction to meet that student's specific needs, thereby enhancing their understanding and retention of the material. Good teachers can also ignite a passion for learning, making students more engaged and interested in their studies.
On the other hand, those who emphasise the importance of students' attitudes and determination argue that intrinsic motivation is the primary driver of academic success. A student's commitment to their education, their willingness to put in the necessary effort, and their persistence in the face of challenges are crucial determinants of their performance. For instance, a highly motivated student who is dedicated to their studies is likely to excel, even in the absence of exceptional teaching. This perspective highlights the idea that no matter how skilled a teacher may be, without the student's active participation and effort, academic success is unlikely.
In my opinion, both good teachers and student determination are essential for academic success. While effective teachers can provide the guidance, support, and resources necessary for learning, students must also be motivated and committed to their education to fully benefit from these opportunities.
In conclusion, good teachers can inspire and guide students, while students' motivation and hard work are necessary to achieve their academic goals. Therefore, the synergy between dedicated teachers and determined students creates an optimal learning environment where academic achievement can thrive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use fresher phrasing Original: topic of heated debate Suggested revision: subject of considerable debate Why it matters: This avoids a stock expression while preserving the introduction's meaning.
- 2. Avoid absolute wording Original: the key to academic achievement Suggested revision: central to academic achievement Why it matters: This phrasing expresses strong importance without sounding unnecessarily absolute.
- 3. State the claim directly Original: present an opinion that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: The shorter reporting verb makes the thesis more direct.
- 4. Reduce nominalisation Original: Proponents of the importance of good teachers Suggested revision: Those who emphasise the importance of good teachers Why it matters: The revised wording is more direct and natural.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: are instrumental in shaping Suggested revision: play a central role in shaping Why it matters: This makes the relationship explicit and avoids formulaic phrasing.
- 6. Clarify teacher support Original: provide individualised attention Suggested revision: offer individualised support Why it matters: Support more precisely covers the practical help described in the paragraph.
- 7. Tighten the phrase Original: thereby enhancing their understanding and retention of the material Suggested revision: thereby improving their understanding and retention Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary wording without changing the claim.
- 8. Remove repetition Original: making students more engaged and interested in their studies Suggested revision: increasing students' engagement with their studies Why it matters: Engaged and interested overlap, so one concise noun phrase is clearer.
- 9. Avoid redundant description Original: who is dedicated to their studies Suggested revision: who studies diligently Why it matters: Dedicated largely repeats highly motivated, while the revision adds a distinct action.
- 10. Prefer plain wording Original: the synergy between dedicated teachers and determined students Suggested revision: the combined efforts of dedicated teachers and determined students Why it matters: The revision expresses the relationship more plainly and precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- topic of heated debate subject of considerable debate
- the key to academic achievement central to academic achievement
- present an opinion that argue that
- Proponents of the importance of good teachers Those who emphasise the importance of good teachers
- are instrumental in shaping play a central role in shaping
- provide individualised attention offer individualised support
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, balanced treatment of both views and its consistently well-supported position that teachers and students contribute jointly to achievement. Its main limitation is that the discussion is somewhat predictable and occasionally repeats the same core ideas in different wording. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the analysis by examining how the two factors interact in specific circumstances rather than mainly restating their separate benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the writer's position is clear throughout, and the main ideas are relevant and well developed.
Develop the interaction between teacher quality and student motivation more analytically to make the argument less predictable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and unobtrusively.
Reduce slight repetition between the opinion paragraph and conclusion so that each paragraph adds a distinct function.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and consistently appropriate for discussing education, motivation, and achievement.
Use a few more context-specific formulations to replace repeated references to good teachers, determination, and academic success.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only rare minor lapses that do not affect clarity.
Refine occasional wordy sentence patterns to make the already accurate writing even more concise and controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.