Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours in offices and factories should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The advancements in technology and automation have revolutionised industries across the globe, resulting in a significant reduction in the need for manual labour. In light of this, I strongly agree that working hours in offices and factories should be reduced. This essay will outline the reasons supporting this viewpoint.
One compelling reason to reduce working hours is to enhance work-life balance and promote the well-being of employees. Longer working hours can lead to physical and mental exhaustion, negatively impacting the overall quality of life. By reducing working hours, individuals would have more time to engage in activities outside of work, such as spending time with family, pursuing hobbies, and engaging in self-care practices. For example, in Sweden, several companies have implemented shorter working hours with positive outcomes. The experiment conducted by the Toyota service centre in Gothenburg demonstrated that a six-hour workday not only led to improved employee well-being but also resulted in increased productivity and customer satisfaction.
Another reason to support the reduction of working hours is the potential for increased productivity and efficiency in the workplace. While it may seem counterintuitive to suggest that shorter working hours can lead to higher output, research and examples have shown otherwise. For instance, in 2019, Microsoft Japan conducted an experiment known as the "Work-Life Choice Challenge," where they implemented a four-day workweek. The results were remarkable, with productivity increasing by 40%.
In conclusion, the advancements in technology and automation have significantly reduced the demand for manual labour. As a result, it is crucial to adapt the working hours in offices and factories to align with the changing landscape. Reducing working hours not only promotes a healthier work-life balance but also enhances employee well-being, job satisfaction, and productivity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise noun Original: The advancements Suggested revision: Advances Why it matters: Advances is the more concise conventional term for technological progress.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: In light of this Suggested revision: Given this reduction Why it matters: The explicit noun makes the link to reduced manual labour clearer.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: reasons supporting this viewpoint Suggested revision: reasons for this view Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning without nominalised wording.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: enhance work-life balance Suggested revision: improve work-life balance Why it matters: Improve is the more natural verb with work-life balance.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: the overall quality of life Suggested revision: quality of life Why it matters: Overall adds no necessary meaning to the established phrase quality of life.
- 6. Tighten preposition Original: outside of work Suggested revision: outside work Why it matters: Outside work is the more concise standard form in formal prose.
- 7. Clarify result structure Original: have implemented shorter working hours with positive outcomes Suggested revision: have implemented shorter working hours and achieved positive outcomes Why it matters: A coordinated verb makes it clear that the outcomes resulted from the implementation.
- 8. Reduce wordiness Original: The experiment conducted by Suggested revision: An experiment by Why it matters: The shorter phrase retains the same attribution and meaning.
- 9. Use direct wording Original: reason to support the reduction of working hours Suggested revision: reason to reduce working hours Why it matters: The direct infinitive expresses the point more concisely.
- 10. Avoid vague pairing Original: research and examples have shown otherwise Suggested revision: evidence has shown otherwise Why it matters: Evidence covers both research and examples more precisely and concisely.
- 11. Fix relative clause Original: where they implemented a four-day workweek Suggested revision: in which it implemented a four-day workweek Why it matters: An experiment takes in which rather than where, and Microsoft Japan is singular.
- 12. Use natural verb Original: adapt the working hours Suggested revision: adjust working hours Why it matters: Adjust is the conventional verb for changing schedules or hours.
Suggested Rewrites
- The advancements Advances
- In light of this Given this reduction
- reasons supporting this viewpoint reasons for this view
- enhance work-life balance improve work-life balance
- the overall quality of life quality of life
- outside of work outside work
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with well-developed, specific examples, while maintaining smooth progression and strong control of language. Its main limitation is that the discussion focuses more on the general benefits of shorter hours than on explaining how technological and automated productivity gains justify the proposed reduction. The highest priority is to make that causal connection explicit throughout the body paragraphs while preserving the essay's concise, polished style.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay directly states and consistently supports strong agreement with two well-developed reasons and specific, relevant examples.
Make the link between automation-driven efficiency and the feasibility of shorter hours explicit in each main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses smoothly from a clear position through two focused arguments to a consistent conclusion, with well-managed cohesion throughout.
Refine the transition between the two body arguments so their combined logic builds more explicitly toward the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, with effective control of topic-specific and evaluative language across the response.
Replace the slightly general phrase changing landscape with a more specific reference to automation-led productivity gains.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with punctuation and agreement consistently well controlled.
Maintain this strong accuracy while varying the repeated gerund-led constructions used to describe the benefits of reduced hours.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours in offices and factories should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.