Advanced technologies like cell phone tracking and security cameras are being used to monitor people’s activities. In many cases, people who are being monitored are unaware of that and many people oppose the use of such monitoring for this reason. Others, however, say that to track crimes it is important to use such technology. Do you think the advantages of monitoring people’s activity outweigh the disadvantages it has?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Technology has advanced beyond the basic needs of people and nowadays offers devices that can be used to track activities of people through mobile phones, CCTV cameras etc. Although the main idea behind making such devices is to ensure safety of the people and avert criminal acts, however, many incidents has been reported where in these devices was used to record activities of people without their knowledge. At the same time, as I would like to think, such misuse of technology in present times cannot still override the benefits derived from it.
It is true that the number of cases reported on use of devices for infringement into people private without their consent has increased in the past few years. In reality, all such cases are due to wrong minds of the people who believe in exploiting others and won't hesitate to use any means to achieve their purpose. Such people can harm others even without the use of technology.
Despite the disadvantageous use of technology by unreliable people, it cannot be denied that development of device for the use of monitoring people exercises has proved enormously beneficial in reducing cost spend on the guaranteeing security of individuals at public places, offices and remote areas. This spared measure of cash can further be utilized on other welfare prospects of individuals.. Additionally, with the utilization these gadget, the crime rate has reduced and it's easy of find the real culprit behind the crime. Besides, tracking through mobile phones made it difficult to abscond for the guilty.
To sum up, technology does not promote the criminal acts, it's the unethical people who use it for wrong purposes and the unaccountable advantages of technology cannot be supersedes by such abuses.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: track activities of people Suggested revision: track people's activities Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise and natural here.
- 2. Avoid vague listing Original: CCTV cameras etc. Suggested revision: CCTV cameras and similar devices Why it matters: The revision replaces informal open-ended listing with precise formal wording.
- 3. Remove double contrast Original: however, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Although already marks the contrast, so however is redundant in the same clause structure.
- 4. Use concise possession Original: safety of the people Suggested revision: people's safety Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the relationship more naturally.
- 5. Fix subject agreement Original: many incidents has been reported Suggested revision: many incidents have been reported Why it matters: The plural subject incidents requires have.
- 6. Repair relative clause Original: where in these devices was used Suggested revision: in which these devices were used Why it matters: The revision corrects both the relative construction and plural verb agreement.
- 7. State the view directly Original: as I would like to think Suggested revision: in my view Why it matters: This concise phrase conveys the writer's perspective without awkward hedging.
- 8. Use correct comparison verb Original: cannot still override Suggested revision: still cannot outweigh Why it matters: Outweigh correctly compares the misuse with the benefits.
- 9. Add required article Original: reported on use of devices Suggested revision: reported involving the use of devices Why it matters: The revision supplies a grammatical construction and the required definite article.
- 10. Correct privacy expression Original: infringement into people private Suggested revision: invasions of people's privacy Why it matters: The original phrase uses the wrong preposition and word form.
- 11. Clarify intended meaning Original: wrong minds of the people Suggested revision: malicious intentions of people Why it matters: This wording clearly expresses deliberate harmful motives.
- 12. Use formal contraction-free form Original: won't Suggested revision: will not Why it matters: The full form is more suitable for a formal academic essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- track activities of people track people's activities
- CCTV cameras etc. CCTV cameras and similar devices
- however, Delete
- safety of the people people's safety
- many incidents has been reported many incidents have been reported
- where in these devices was used in which these devices were used
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear view that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and organizes the discussion into recognizable stages. Its main limitation is that key ideas are only partly developed, especially the privacy disadvantage, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors make several sentences awkward or difficult to process. The priority is to explain each side with precise examples and then revise systematically for sentence structure, agreement, articles, and collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The question is answered with a clear position and relevant points on both sides, but development is uneven and sometimes superficial.
Explain how privacy violations directly harm monitored people and compare that harm more explicitly with the claimed security benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a logical overall sequence and clear paragraph purposes, although some sentence connections are strained or mechanical.
Use simpler transitions and ensure that each supporting sentence clearly advances the paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss surveillance and crime, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases with standard combinations such as privacy infringement, security costs, and substantial benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted and the main meaning is usually recoverable, but errors in agreement, articles, plurals, and clause structure are frequent.
Prioritize complete sentence boundaries and check subject-verb agreement and noun forms in every sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Advanced technologies like cell phone tracking and security cameras are being used to monitor people’s activities. In many cases, people who are being monitored are unaware of that and many people oppose the use of such monitoring for this reason. Others, however, say that to track crimes it is important to use such technology. Do you think the advantages of monitoring people’s activity outweigh the disadvantages it has?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.