Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some think that in most people’s lives the happiest moment are the time when they were teenagers while other people think that, despite taking up more responsibilities, adult life is happier. I agree with the latter statement that, although teenagers generally do not need to worry about their finances, adults can do everything they want legitimately.
Most people in the teenage years do not need to take care of their finances. That is because teenagers are usually supported by their families financially, and their parents pay all kinds of expenses for them. For example, most parents in Hong Kong give their teenage children US$20 a week pocket money. Their parents also buy new video games they want or they pay for tuition fees of interest classes. Despite the fact that most people do not need to worry about their finances when they were teenagers, I consider that, in spite of more responsibilities, adult life is happier because adults can do legally whatever they want.
Adults can do anything they like as allowed by law. They can get married and have their own families, and they can create their own childhood joys. Of course, the adults have greater responsibility as they need to support themselves and their families, and they need to take care of their spouses and children. For instance, people work so hard to make a living and they are usually exhausted when they leave the office. But when they come home, their cheerful spouse and children are there to support them and they feel loved and cared for. Therefore, I think that there is more happiness in adult life.
In conclusion, although teenagers generally do not need to worry about their finances, being adults are happier even though they have greater responsibility, because they can do anything they want legally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: take care of their finances Suggested revision: manage their finances Why it matters: ‘Manage their finances’ is a more natural expression for handling money.
- 2. Improve word order Original: supported by their families financially Suggested revision: financially supported by their families Why it matters: Placing the adverb before the participle makes this phrase more natural.
- 3. Use precise verb Original: pay Suggested revision: cover Why it matters: ‘Cover expenses’ is the standard collocation for paying costs.
- 4. Add required preposition Original: US$20 a week pocket money Suggested revision: US$20 a week in pocket money Why it matters: The phrase requires ‘in’ before ‘pocket money’.
- 5. Add indirect object Original: buy new video games they want Suggested revision: buy them the new video games they want Why it matters: The verb phrase needs an object identifying who receives the games.
- 6. Correct fee collocation Original: tuition fees of interest classes Suggested revision: fees for extracurricular classes Why it matters: ‘Fees for extracurricular classes’ expresses the intended meaning naturally.
- 7. Keep tense consistent Original: were Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The paragraph discusses teenagers generally, so the present tense is required.
- 8. Clarify contrast structure Original: in spite of more responsibilities Suggested revision: despite having more responsibilities Why it matters: Adding ‘having’ gives the contrast phrase a complete grammatical structure.
- 9. Place adverb naturally Original: adults can do legally whatever they want Suggested revision: adults can legally do whatever they want Why it matters: ‘Legally’ should directly modify the verb phrase ‘do whatever they want’.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: as allowed by law Suggested revision: within the law Why it matters: ‘Within the law’ conveys the same limitation more naturally and concisely.
- 11. Clarify intended meaning Original: create their own childhood joys Suggested revision: recreate the joys of childhood Why it matters: This wording more clearly expresses experiencing childhood happiness again through family life.
- 12. Fix article and number Original: the adults have greater responsibility Suggested revision: adults have greater responsibilities Why it matters: Adults are discussed generally, so no article is needed, and ‘responsibilities’ should be plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- take care of their finances manage their finances
- supported by their families financially financially supported by their families
- pay cover
- US$20 a week pocket money US$20 a week in pocket money
- buy new video games they want buy them the new video games they want
- tuition fees of interest classes fees for extracurricular classes
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear preference for adult life and supports both perspectives with relevant, easy-to-follow examples. Its main limitation is that the discussion remains somewhat repetitive and reduces teenage happiness largely to financial support, while several awkward phrases and agreement errors weaken precision. Prioritise developing each viewpoint through a broader, more analytical explanation and checking subject-verb agreement and collocations during revision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's preference is clear, with relevant support, though the ideas are somewhat narrow and repetitive.
Develop a wider reason for each stage of life and explain more explicitly why the adult benefits outweigh the teenage advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, despite some repetitive restatement.
Reduce repeated versions of the thesis and use each paragraph's closing sentence to advance the comparison rather than restate it.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but awkward combinations such as references to interest classes and childhood joys reduce naturalness.
Use more precise, conventional collocations for financial dependence, personal freedom, and family fulfilment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, although agreement, article, tense, and word-order errors recur.
Proofread especially for subject-verb agreement and consistent time reference, including plural subjects and comparisons between life stages.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.