Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of society?
Sample Response
It is said that television has a great power to influence people's mind. To some extent, I do agree with this statement. The main con of television is that it has created the status system in our society. Today, companies are hiring celebrities for promoting their products. Advertising products in a glamorous way will create greed in the hearts of those people who can't afford that expensive product. For example, I have a friend who watches movies a lot. He was very much fascinated with the lifestyle which is nowadays showing on television. He does not have enough money to live that lifestyle so he starts practising illegal ways of achieving that lifestyle. He started the robbery. Today, people are frustrated and depressed for not being able to spend a luxurious life. Everyone is working hard to earn a lot of money for which they have to sacrifice their social and personal life. On the other hand, if we look at the positive aspect of this issue, we can observe that television is also a source of information. By watching informative channels, one can enhance his knowledge. One can improve his language by watching a particular language channel. For example, My friend has improved his listening skills of English by watching English movies and dramas. Moreover, I have a friend who is very much fond of taking dowry. He stated that he will marry a girl only who will give him a lot of dowries but by watching different shows which teaches him that taking dowry is one of the most horrible things one can do, he started neglecting the idea to take dowry. All in all, everything has its own advantages and disadvantages. It totally depends on a person to what to learn from something. On the one hand, television is a source of knowledge for those people who want to learn something in their life and on the other hand television is the most horrible thing for those who want to remain uneducated for their entire life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the plural noun Original: mind Suggested revision: minds Why it matters: The plural possessive “people's” refers to multiple individual minds.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: con Suggested revision: drawback Why it matters: “Drawback” is more appropriate than the informal noun “con” in an academic essay.
- 3. Clarify the social effect Original: created the status system Suggested revision: created a status-driven culture Why it matters: The revision states the intended social effect more clearly and naturally.
- 4. Use the purpose infinitive Original: hiring celebrities for promoting Suggested revision: hiring celebrities to promote Why it matters: An infinitive correctly expresses the purpose for which companies hire celebrities.
- 5. Remove unnecessary wording Original: those people who can't afford Suggested revision: people who cannot afford Why it matters: The revision is more concise and uses the formal full form “cannot.”
- 6. Match the plural reference Original: that expensive product Suggested revision: those expensive products Why it matters: The demonstrative and noun should agree with the plural “products” mentioned earlier.
- 7. Use the correct collocation Original: very much fascinated with Suggested revision: fascinated by Why it matters: The adjective “fascinated” naturally takes “by,” and the intensifier is unnecessary.
- 8. Use the passive form Original: lifestyle which is nowadays showing Suggested revision: lifestyle currently shown Why it matters: Television shows the lifestyle, so the reduced passive form is required.
- 9. Use the right expression Original: He started the robbery Suggested revision: He began committing robberies Why it matters: “Commit robberies” expresses repeated criminal acts, whereas “start the robbery” refers to beginning one event.
- 10. Use a causal clause Original: frustrated and depressed for not being Suggested revision: frustrated and depressed because they are not Why it matters: A finite clause with “because” states the cause of the feelings correctly.
- 11. Use the correct verb Original: spend Suggested revision: live Why it matters: People “live” a type of life rather than “spend” it.
- 12. Clarify the consequence Original: for which they have to sacrifice Suggested revision: and consequently have to sacrifice Why it matters: The revision states the consequence of working hard without an unclear relative reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- mind minds
- con drawback
- created the status system created a status-driven culture
- hiring celebrities for promoting hiring celebrities to promote
- those people who can't afford people who cannot afford
- that expensive product those expensive products
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response considers both harmful and beneficial influences of television and provides several concrete examples, with the positive discussion of education and language learning offering useful balance. Its main limitation is that it never establishes a clear overall judgement about whether cultural development has been affected more positively or negatively, and much of the discussion concerns individual behaviour rather than culture. State a consistent comparative position and develop fewer, more culturally focused examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant positive and negative effects are discussed, but the overall position remains unclear and several examples address personal conduct more than cultural development.
Decide whether the cultural impact is predominantly positive or negative, then support that judgement with examples about shared values, customs, or social attitudes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves recognisably from negative effects to positive effects and a conclusion, but the single paragraph and repetitive examples weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the negative case, positive case, and comparative conclusion, with one central claim in each.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as status system, started the robbery, and neglecting the idea reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as status-conscious culture, turned to theft, and abandoned the idea, and avoid repeating horrible and lifestyle.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but tense, agreement, article, pronoun, and clause errors are frequent across both simple and complex sentences.
Keep narrative examples consistently in the past tense and check every relative clause and subject-verb agreement before finalising the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.