In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
In some countries, children are taught that hard work will help them achieve their goals. In my opinion, this message can inspire and motivate them to overcome hardships, but at the same time, it can cause delusion and disappointment.
On the one hand, teaching children that hard work can guarantee success has several advantages. To start with, this message can motivate children, especially those who believe that innate talents determine success. For example, when learning a second language, which is a challenging and time- consuming process, children need to truly understand that hard work, and not talents, is conducive to enhancing proficiency. That way, they could stay motivated and keep on learning when they encounter setbacks. More importantly, the role of valuing hard work goes beyond being a mere source of motivation. It can also help children to develop a positive mentality and improve their resilience, all of which are necessary for their adult life.
On the other hand, the biggest disadvantage of the notion that diligence ensures success is that it may mislead children into spending too much time and effort on the tasks in which hard work plays little role. For example, a child wanting to be a professional singer may waste time on voice training without considering their lack of musical talents but still hope that they may achieve success one day. Similarly, most painters need to have a great and unique sense of aesthetics, which is considered as a rare talent and therefore cannot be acquired through hard work. Believing that hard work alone is enough can breed frustration, delusion, or even mental illness.
In conclusion, teaching children that hard work will always result in success is a great way to motivate them through hardships. Nevertheless, such teaching may produce undesirable outcomes in situations where hard work is not the key.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a precise consequence Original: delusion and disappointment Suggested revision: unrealistic expectations and disappointment Why it matters: Unrealistic expectations expresses the intended negative belief more precisely than delusion.
- 2. Use uncountable talent Original: innate talents determine success Suggested revision: innate talent determines success Why it matters: Talent is normally uncountable when referring generally to natural ability.
- 3. Fix the contrast phrase Original: hard work, and not talents, is Suggested revision: hard work, rather than talent, is Why it matters: Rather than forms a cleaner contrast and talent is uncountable in this general sense.
- 4. Use a clearer collocation Original: conducive to enhancing proficiency Suggested revision: essential for improving proficiency Why it matters: The revision conveys the importance of effort in more direct and natural language.
- 5. Match the general condition Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The present modal matches the general situation described by the surrounding present-tense verbs.
- 6. Simplify the noun phrase Original: the role of valuing hard work Suggested revision: the value of hard work Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the intended importance of hard work more naturally.
- 7. Use the plural form Original: for their adult life Suggested revision: in their adult lives Why it matters: The plural possessive reference requires lives, and in is the natural preposition here.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: on the tasks in which Suggested revision: on tasks in which Why it matters: Tasks is used generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 9. Use uncountable talent Original: talents Suggested revision: talent Why it matters: Talent is uncountable when it refers generally to musical ability.
- 10. Complete the verb structure Original: but still hope that they may Suggested revision: but may still hope that they will Why it matters: The added modal creates a verb phrase parallel to may waste and keeps the singular subject grammatical.
- 11. Remove incorrect preposition Original: which is considered as a rare talent Suggested revision: which is considered a rare talent Why it matters: Considered takes a direct complement here without as.
- 12. Use a natural expression Original: motivate them through hardships Suggested revision: motivate them when they face difficulties Why it matters: The revision states the relationship between motivation and difficulties more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- delusion and disappointment unrealistic expectations and disappointment
- innate talents determine success innate talent determines success
- hard work, and not talents, is hard work, rather than talent, is
- conducive to enhancing proficiency essential for improving proficiency
- could can
- the role of valuing hard work the value of hard work
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, balanced examination of the message's benefits and risks, using well-chosen examples and a consistently logical structure. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and imprecise wording, particularly when treating talent as fixed or linking hard work to mental illness. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify these claims and express them with greater lexical precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are fully addressed with a clear position, relevant explanation, and specific examples.
Qualify the broad claims about innate talent and mental illness so the reasoning remains persuasive and proportionate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices support progression without obscuring the argument.
Vary internal transitions slightly and tighten the move between each example and its broader implication.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and generally precise vocabulary, with only occasional awkward choices and collocations.
Use more exact phrasing for ideas such as false expectations and psychological distress, avoiding words like 'delusion' where they overstate the point.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is handled with strong control, while a few agreement and phrasing errors remain.
Polish plural agreement, relative-clause reference, and constructions such as 'considered a rare talent' for greater accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.