Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that tourism has become a significant source of the national budget for several countries over the world. Those countries concern and allocate more money to develop the tourism industry in achieving the bigger income as well as the satisfaction of tourists. However, some people show such kind of disagreements to this affirmative action by considering the effect of tourism to the local society culturally and environmentally. I personally believe that this agreement is not truly correct in because of several reasons. This essay aims to show my stance to support the development of tourism and provides several convincing arguments regarding this controversial issue. The first reason is that tourism sector contributes such big income to the country through economic activities run by societies around the tourism places. It is clear that tourism is now becoming an industry that creates thousands of jobs for the citizen in terms of its management, protection as well as promotion. People who have skill in English probably would build a tour and travel business and become a guide. For those who have certain creativity or arts may sell their products of arts in a shop, or people might sell some soft drinks and snack to the tourists. These all economic activities crucially contribute to achieving the goal of government to provide job fields and to give the prosperity of society. The second reason is that developing and promoting tourism object is the most effective way to broadcast the positive-country-image to the global society in order to attract them to come to those countries as tourists or even as investors. Moreover, going to beautiful tourism places has inevitably been a demand for people over the world and it is a kind of “golden chance” for every country to promote the best places in their regions. Let us take Bali Island as an example, which has been successfully promoted and being promoted as the image of a piece of paradise in Indonesia. On the other hand, some local people tend to refuse the policy of the government in developing tourism. The reason is so simple because they consider the harms of tourism development that cause cultural loss and environmental damage. However, I believe that both cultural and environmental protection are the parts of tourism development on how government allocate the budget to tourism sector for creating a clean environment or ecotourism and promoting cultural tourism in which environment and culture are the basis of tourism. All in all, tourism development does not harm the cultural values and environmental parts. Moreover, it supports the existence of local values as well as keeps the environment clean and green.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Incorrect expression Original: source of the national budget Suggested revision: source of national revenue Why it matters: Tourism contributes revenue rather than serving as a source of a budget.
- 2. Natural expression Original: show such kind of disagreements Suggested revision: express this kind of disagreement Why it matters: People express disagreement rather than show disagreements in this construction.
- 3. Unclear reference Original: to this affirmative action Suggested revision: with this policy Why it matters: “This policy” refers more clearly to government support for tourism.
- 4. Wrong preposition Original: to Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun “effect” takes the preposition “on” before the affected object.
- 5. Precise community term Original: the local society Suggested revision: local communities Why it matters: “Local communities” is the natural term for the groups affected by tourism.
- 6. Contradictory reference Original: this agreement is not truly correct Suggested revision: this disagreement is not justified Why it matters: The writer is rejecting the previously mentioned disagreement, not an agreement.
- 7. Incorrect construction Original: stance to support Suggested revision: support for Why it matters: The concise noun phrase “support for” expresses the intended position naturally.
- 8. Missing article Original: tourism sector contributes Suggested revision: the tourism sector contributes Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase requires the definite article here.
- 9. Formal quantifier Original: such big income Suggested revision: substantial income Why it matters: “Substantial income” is a precise formal alternative to the awkward phrase “such big income”.
- 10. Natural location phrase Original: societies around the tourism places Suggested revision: communities near tourist destinations Why it matters: The revision uses conventional terms for local residents and places visited by tourists.
- 11. Plural noun needed Original: the citizen Suggested revision: citizens Why it matters: The reference to thousands of jobs concerns citizens generally, so the plural noun is required.
- 12. Natural skill phrase Original: who have skill in English Suggested revision: with English-language skills Why it matters: The plural noun phrase is the natural way to describe proficiency in English.
Suggested Rewrites
- source of the national budget source of national revenue
- show such kind of disagreements express this kind of disagreement
- to this affirmative action with this policy
- to on
- the local society local communities
- this agreement is not truly correct this disagreement is not justified
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a consistent pro-tourism position and offers relevant economic examples, including employment and investment. However, most of the discussion explains tourism’s benefits rather than directly evaluating whether cultural and environmental damage is ignored, and the final rebuttal is asserted more than demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to analyse the claimed damage directly, weigh it against realistic safeguards, and support the conclusion with specific evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear stance and relevant economic benefits are presented, but the central claim about ignored cultural and environmental damage is only briefly addressed.
Focus the body on whether such damage is overlooked, using developed evidence about both the harm and the effectiveness of proposed protections.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from benefits to a counterargument is understandable, but the single long paragraph, repetitive staging, and overextended introduction weaken progression.
Use distinct paragraphs for the position, economic case, environmental and cultural counterargument, and final evaluation, with less mechanical signposting.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some topical range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and occasionally obscure the intended meaning.
Use standard phrases for tourism revenue, local employment, cultural preservation, and environmental protection, checking each noun and verb combination for naturalness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, plurals, clause construction, and sentence boundaries limit control.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check that every clause has a grammatical subject and verb before adding subordinate detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.