Today people are travelling more than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Sample Response
People are travelling more than ever before in recent times. Achieving quality education from abroad is the main reason for this, and the major benefits of travelling for the traveller are they will be entertained by watching exciting things around them and personality development. The main reason of people travelling more today is to achieve quality education from abroad. This is because, degrees from their own countries may not have more value. Instead, if they have degrees from abroad, people can compete with other individuals for amazing jobs, and by having such jobs, people’s standard of living improves. For example, many engineers in India are travelling abroad in order to complete their higher education and by achieving quality education from abroad, they can get a phenomenal job anywhere across the world. One benefit of travelling for the traveller is that they are ammused by watching exciting things while travelling.This is because, usually people at home have a hectic life style and they do their normal routine work. While travelling, travellers observe mesmerizing lights and new things on their way and get entertained. Moreover, travelling helps in personality development of a traveller. This is because, in an airbus they have to wait for a long time for their destination to come, which develops the quality of patience in travellers. For example, while travelling from Melbourne to Hyderabad, travellers have to wait for 16 hours in an aircraft which develops patience and overall personality development in them. In conclusion, today people are travelling more than ever before, to achieve quality education from abroad is the main reason of travelling, and the main benefits of travelling for the traveller are getting entertained by watching exciting things while travelling and personality development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid redundant timing Original: in recent times Suggested revision: recently Why it matters: This concise adverb avoids repeating the idea already conveyed by “more than ever before.”
- 2. Correct noun clause Original: The main reason of people travelling more today Suggested revision: The main reason people travel more today Why it matters: Remove the incorrect preposition and use the simple present for a general trend.
- 3. Remove unnecessary comma Original: This is because, degrees Suggested revision: This is because degrees Why it matters: A comma should not separate “because” from the clause it introduces.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: may not have more value Suggested revision: may not be valued as highly Why it matters: This wording expresses comparative value more naturally and precisely.
- 5. Use formal wording Original: compete with other individuals for amazing jobs Suggested revision: compete for excellent jobs Why it matters: The revision removes an unnecessary comparison phrase and replaces the informal adjective “amazing.”
- 6. Clarify the subject Original: and by having such jobs, people’s standard of living improves Suggested revision: and such jobs improve people’s standard of living Why it matters: The revised clause gives the improvement a clear grammatical cause.
- 7. Correct spelling Original: ammused Suggested revision: amused Why it matters: The word “amused” has one m after the initial a.
- 8. Fix adverb position Original: This is because, usually people Suggested revision: This is because people usually Why it matters: The adverb belongs after the subject, and the comma after “because” is incorrect.
- 9. Use natural phrase Original: a hectic life style Suggested revision: a busy lifestyle Why it matters: “Busy lifestyle” expresses the intended idea more naturally and avoids the awkward phrase “hectic life style.”
- 10. Avoid redundant wording Original: do their normal routine work Suggested revision: follow their usual routines Why it matters: “Normal” and “routine” overlap in meaning, so the revision is more concise.
- 11. Use precise wording Original: observe mesmerizing lights Suggested revision: see fascinating sights Why it matters: “Sights” describes things encountered while travelling more naturally than “lights.”
- 12. Improve travel phrase Original: new things on their way Suggested revision: new things along the way Why it matters: “Along the way” is the natural phrase for experiences during a journey.
Suggested Rewrites
- in recent times recently
- The main reason of people travelling more today The main reason people travel more today
- This is because, degrees This is because degrees
- may not have more value may not be valued as highly
- compete with other individuals for amazing jobs compete for excellent jobs
- and by having such jobs, people’s standard of living improves and such jobs improve people’s standard of living
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly covers both questions and maintains an easily followed structure, with relevant examples supporting its central points. Its main limitation is that the proposed benefits are repetitive and sometimes unconvincing, particularly the claim that waiting on a flight develops one's overall personality. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer benefits through more precise, realistic causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant main ideas, although the benefits are unevenly developed and sometimes weakly justified.
Explain each benefit through a more convincing causal chain and a specific, realistic example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from the reason for travel to two benefits, but repetitive framing makes cohesion mechanical.
Vary the way explanations are connected and reduce repeated phrases such as 'This is because'.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary and some less common language, though spelling and collocational inaccuracies reduce precision.
Prioritize accurate, natural word combinations and check forms such as 'amused' and 'lifestyle'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the ideas clearly despite recurring article, preposition, punctuation, and sentence-structure errors.
Review clause boundaries and avoid unnecessary commas after subordinators such as 'because'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today people are travelling more than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.