Today people are travelling more than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Sample Response
Nowadays, passion for a journey from one place to another has been increasing among people. This essay will first discuss that an increasing number of tour packages is the prominent reason behind this, and it will then explain that cultural awareness and being healthy are the two prime advantages of this. Many tour companies around the world are enticing people to travel more than ever before. That is to say, people are being offered appealing and discounted tour packages, especially during the holiday season, to explore other places. Whereas in the past travelling was very expensive and people could not afford it; however, these companies have made it possible to visit one place to another by spending a small chunk of money. For example, Travel Magazine estimated that more than 40% of Australian people travelled nationally and internationally, in the year 2019, because of cheap tour deals they grabbed from the Flight centre. The first major benefit of travelling is that it allows a traveller to know about different cultures. By visiting other parts of the world, people get an opportunity to experience the various culture, cuisines and languages. The other significant advantage is stress relaxation through holidays. This is especially true for a significant number of people who are working many hours a week to earn their livings. During holidays, they choose to travel to different destinations around the world, and this greatly helps them to relieve their stress and keep their health in a sound condition. For example, a recent study by the Indian Medical Institute concluded that frequent travellers are happier and more satisfied with their life than those who do not. In conclusion, people travel more often than in the past because of the tour deals they are being offered, and travelling does not only provide a traveller with knowledge about a different culture, but it also helps them to stay away from a hectic schedule
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Simplify the verb Original: has been increasing among people Suggested revision: has been growing Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase expresses the trend more naturally.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: an increasing number of tour packages is Suggested revision: the increasing availability of tour packages is Why it matters: The revised singular subject agrees with the verb and clarifies the intended cause.
- 3. Use precise wording Original: the prominent reason behind this Suggested revision: a major reason for this Why it matters: This is a more natural way to identify one important cause.
- 4. Use an abstract noun Original: being healthy Suggested revision: improved well-being Why it matters: The noun phrase is more precise when naming a benefit of travel.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: prime advantages of this Suggested revision: main benefits of travelling Why it matters: Naming travelling directly removes the vague reference to this.
- 6. Use concise demonym Original: Australian people Suggested revision: Australians Why it matters: The demonym is the natural concise term for people from Australia.
- 7. Improve time phrasing Original: nationally and internationally, in the year 2019, Suggested revision: within Australia and abroad in 2019 Why it matters: This wording states the locations and year more naturally and concisely.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: grabbed Suggested revision: obtained Why it matters: Obtained is more appropriate than grabbed in formal academic writing.
- 9. Correct the name Original: the Flight centre Suggested revision: Flight Centre Why it matters: The proper name requires capitalization and no preceding article.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: allows a traveller to know about Suggested revision: allows travellers to learn about Why it matters: Learn about is the natural collocation for gaining cultural knowledge.
- 11. Fix plural noun Original: the various culture Suggested revision: various cultures Why it matters: Various requires a plural count noun and does not need the article here.
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: relaxation Suggested revision: relief Why it matters: Stress relief is the standard expression for reducing stress.
Suggested Rewrites
- has been increasing among people has been growing
- an increasing number of tour packages is the increasing availability of tour packages is
- the prominent reason behind this a major reason for this
- being healthy improved well-being
- prime advantages of this main benefits of travelling
- Australian people Australians
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both parts clearly and develops the cultural and wellbeing benefits with relevant explanation, while its strongest feature is a consistent, easy-to-follow line of argument. Its main limitation is the frequent use of awkward or imprecise language, compounded by presenting the whole essay as one paragraph. Prioritise natural collocations and clear paragraph breaks so that the well-chosen ideas read more fluently and professionally.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear central reason and two relevant, adequately developed benefits.
Deepen the explanation of why discounted travel has become more available instead of relying mainly on a reported statistic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through the cause and benefits, but the response is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Separate the introduction, cause, benefits, and conclusion into clear paragraphs with controlled linking between them.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, although several collocations sound unnatural or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as stress relaxation and passion for a journey with natural, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, but article, agreement, and clause-control errors recur.
Review sentence boundaries and dependent-clause structures, especially constructions beginning with whereas and paired correlatives.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Today people are travelling more than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.