Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Sample Response
Health is considered the most precious gift that we all have so it is essential to think carefully about things that may have a harmful effect on individuals. Many people argue that tobacco smoking should be considered illegal as other drugs because it has more detriments than benefits. However, this is refuted by others. Both sides will be critiqued before a reasoned conclusion is formed. It is felt by many that cigarette smoking has deleterious effects on person's life. For example, it has been shown in many research studies that tobacco is one of the risk factors to many diseases including cancer, particularly lung cancer, cardiovascular diseases and others. This example clearly shows that smoking can be very harmful and has a tremendous financial burden on not only the personal budget but also health sector. On the other side, many people think that smoking is a personal decision. In addition, it cannot be compared to drugs as it provides health benefits like memory and attention enhancing and preventing ulcerative colitis. Moreover, it is used in some medications. After analysing these two points of view, I believe that the cons of smoking outweigh the pros and the usage of tobacco should be limited for medical treatments authorised by governments. Without a doubt, I think that smoking is an important topic that has effects on various aspects of human's life and other people's life as no one focus on the passive smoking issue and the government should pay more attention and invent new policies regarding smoking.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Separate independent clauses Original: have so it is Suggested revision: have, so it is Why it matters: A comma is needed before “so” when it joins two independent clauses.
- 2. Correct comparison word Original: as Suggested revision: like Why it matters: Use “like” rather than “as” to compare tobacco with other drugs.
- 3. Use natural noun Original: detriments Suggested revision: harms Why it matters: “Harms” is the more natural plural noun for tobacco's negative effects.
- 4. Use neutral essay verb Original: critiqued Suggested revision: examined Why it matters: “Examined” accurately describes considering both views without implying that each will be criticized.
- 5. Add missing article Original: on person's life Suggested revision: on a person's life Why it matters: The singular countable noun “person” requires an article.
- 6. Correct agent preposition Original: in Suggested revision: by Why it matters: Use “by” to identify the studies that provide the evidence.
- 7. Correct risk preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The standard collocation is “risk factor for” a disease.
- 8. Use correct verb pattern Original: has Suggested revision: places Why it matters: An activity “places” a burden on someone or something rather than “has” one on them.
- 9. Generalize the noun Original: the personal budget Suggested revision: personal budgets Why it matters: The general claim refers to the budgets of multiple individuals.
- 10. Add definite article Original: health sector Suggested revision: the health sector Why it matters: This established sector is normally referred to with the definite article.
- 11. Use contrast marker Original: side Suggested revision: hand Why it matters: “On the other hand” is the standard discourse marker for introducing an opposing view.
- 12. Use concise noun phrase Original: the usage of tobacco Suggested revision: tobacco use Why it matters: “Tobacco use” is the concise conventional expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- have so it is have, so it is
- as like
- detriments harms
- critiqued examined
- on person's life on a person's life
- in by
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear qualified position that the harms of tobacco outweigh limited benefits, and it supports this with relevant health and financial considerations. Its main limitation is uneven development: the medical-benefit claims are asserted briefly, passive smoking appears only at the end, and the absence of paragraphing weakens the argument's shape. The priority is to organize distinct body paragraphs and explain how the evidence justifies the proposed legal restriction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear qualified view and relevant arguments on both sides, but some claims and the proposed restriction are not fully developed.
Explain more directly why the evidence supports a medical-use exception rather than either a complete ban or unrestricted personal choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses from harms to counterarguments and a conclusion, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens its internal structure.
Separate the introduction, opposing arguments, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer links between evidence and position.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic-specific and evaluative vocabulary, although several collocations and possessive expressions are inaccurate or awkward.
Use natural phrases such as "harmful effects," "enhancing memory and attention," and "people's lives," and avoid inflated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex and simple sentences communicates meaning clearly overall, despite recurring errors with articles, agreement, possessives, and clause control.
Check article use and subject-verb agreement systematically, particularly in sentences with multiple subjects or embedded clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.