Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Sample Response
Most of the drugs are banned in all nations as they are the root cause of many incurable diseases, mental instability and social problems. Tobacco is considered similar to these drugs, as it engenders a myriad of negative impacts on the human beings. I totally agree that tobacco must be banned as it can engender diseases as well as can cause addictions. Firstly, it is apparent that smoking can lead to vulnerable diseases like cancer, as tobacco contains a harmful ingredient called Nicotine. Moreover, smoking not only creates a physical imbalance among the smokers but also attracts diseases among passive smokers due to the air pollution created by it. A research done, in August 2014 by a group of scientists based in California, illustrates that seventy percent of the people affected by smoking are non-smokers. Therefore, it is crystal clear that Nicotine must be prohibited. Secondly, almost all smokers are addicted to the smoking habit, due to the reason that Nicotine attracts this peculiar characteristic. Furthermore, if a smoker forcefully tries to put an end to the smoking habit, it is predicted that he or she will come under mental imbalance. For instance, if a patient asks some remedies with a physician to give up smoking, definitely the doctor would recommend decreasing the habit on a daily basis, instead of stopping suddenly. It might take a few years to get rid of this habit. Thus, it is obvious that tobacco has a huge negative impact. Smoking does not have a single positive side and that’s why it should be immediately banned. It costs a large amount of money, it puts our mental and physical health in danger and creates many others diseases to people. In conclusion, by analysing how tobacco can destroy the health of people as well as cause addiction, it is obvious that Tobacco products must be banned. It is suggested that governments give banning notice well in advance so that the smokers can quit the habit slowly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: the root cause Suggested revision: root causes Why it matters: The plural subject drugs requires a plural complement in this general claim.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: on the human beings Suggested revision: on human beings Why it matters: The generic plural human beings does not take the definite article here.
- 3. Fix verb coordination Original: as well as can cause addictions Suggested revision: and can cause addiction Why it matters: The revision coordinates the modal verbs correctly and uses addiction naturally as an uncountable condition.
- 4. Use accurate collocation Original: vulnerable Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Diseases can be serious, whereas vulnerable does not describe them appropriately.
- 5. Refine term and case Original: a harmful ingredient called Nicotine Suggested revision: a harmful substance called nicotine Why it matters: Substance is more precise here, and the common noun nicotine is not capitalized.
- 6. Use correct preposition Original: among the smokers Suggested revision: in smokers Why it matters: Health conditions occur in people rather than among them in this construction.
- 7. Fix verb collocation Original: attracts diseases among passive smokers Suggested revision: causes disease in passive smokers Why it matters: Attract diseases is not an idiomatic way to express causation.
- 8. Fix research phrase Original: A research done, in August 2014 Suggested revision: Research conducted in August 2014 Why it matters: Research is uncountable here, and conducted is the appropriate participle.
- 9. Use reporting verb Original: illustrates Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: Shows is the natural reporting verb for a study's stated finding.
- 10. Name intended target Original: Nicotine Suggested revision: tobacco Why it matters: The essay argues for prohibiting tobacco, so naming nicotine here changes the target of the claim.
- 11. Use gerund complement Original: addicted to the smoking habit Suggested revision: addicted to smoking Why it matters: Addicted to is naturally followed by the gerund smoking in this context.
- 12. Use concise connector Original: due to the reason that Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because expresses the causal link clearly without a wordy connector.
Suggested Rewrites
- the root cause root causes
- on the human beings on human beings
- as well as can cause addictions and can cause addiction
- vulnerable serious
- a harmful ingredient called Nicotine a harmful substance called nicotine
- among the smokers in smokers
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains an unequivocal position and supports it with two relevant lines of argument about disease and addiction. Its main limitation is presentation as one continuous paragraph, compounded by repeated or unnatural vocabulary and some weakly substantiated claims. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and express each supporting point in more precise, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent position and relevant reasons, although some evidence is asserted rather than convincingly developed.
Explain how each health or addiction point specifically justifies a legal ban and use credible support instead of broad unsupported statistics.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear sequence and uses signposting, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph obscures the essay's logical stages.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of less common vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and repetition make several claims sound unnatural or imprecise.
Use accurate health-related collocations and avoid repeatedly relying on words such as engender, imbalance, and attract in unsuitable contexts.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures and meaning remains clear, despite recurring errors with articles, verb patterns, plurals, and punctuation.
Edit complex sentences for correct article use, parallel verb forms, and clause boundaries before adding further grammatical variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.