Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
These days, a large number of university students dedicate most of their time to studying. However, it is believed that they should also spend time participating in other activities. This essay completely agrees with this statement.
Granted, it is essential for students to apply themselves to studying, given the importance of knowledge in their later years. Higher education aims to provide students with laser-focused and specialized knowledge tailored to their future occupations. In order to gain a deep understanding of such knowledge, students need to invest significant time and effort in learning.
Nevertheless, knowledge alone might not help students secure a decent job in the future, as relationships and networking play a very important role in finding employment, and these are often acquired through activities at school. For example, when students take part in certain competitions at their schools, they gain an opportunity to meet and even collaborate with other talented individuals in their field, ranging from peers to professors. Additionally, university students can proactively secure a job position even before graduating, as many companies sponsor these events to identify potential talent for their organizations.
Taking part in extracurricular or volunteering activities also equips students with a wide range of essential skills that help them excel in their careers as well as in life. For instance, when joining a competition or a club, which usually requires students to work in teams, they can learn how to collaborate with others efficiently. These hands-on experiences and real-life collaboration can help them become valuable team members in future working environments.
Not only do students benefit from activities at their schools, but they also gain substantial advantages from having part-time jobs. Working as a part-time employee helps students understand the value of money at an early stage and teaches them how to manage their time more effectively. These benefits are why I believe that university students should allocate their time to other activities in addition to studying. They can schedule their time to participate in one or two activities every semester, which allows them to gain practical experience while still balancing their academic commitments.
In conclusion, while studying diligently is undoubtedly a virtue, I believe that university students should also take part in activities such as school competitions, volunteering projects, and part-time jobs to develop more comprehensively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify future context Original: importance of knowledge in their later years Suggested revision: importance of knowledge in their future careers Why it matters: Future careers states the intended context more precisely than later years.
- 2. Use academic register Original: laser-focused and specialized knowledge Suggested revision: highly specialized knowledge Why it matters: Laser-focused is promotional in tone and overlaps in meaning with specialized.
- 3. Make phrasing concise Original: play a very important role Suggested revision: play a crucial role Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 4. Clarify included groups Original: ranging from peers to professors Suggested revision: including both peers and professors Why it matters: Including is clearer because peers and professors do not form a natural scale.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: proactively secure a job position Suggested revision: secure a job Why it matters: Secure already conveys active success, while job position is redundant.
- 6. Use precise hiring term Original: talent Suggested revision: recruits Why it matters: Recruits more precisely describes people a company may hire.
- 7. Use parallel modifiers Original: volunteering Suggested revision: volunteer Why it matters: Parallel adjective modifiers make the coordinated phrase more consistent.
- 8. Use concise noun Original: future working environments Suggested revision: future workplaces Why it matters: Workplaces is the more direct and natural term here.
- 9. Use natural expression Original: develop more comprehensively Suggested revision: develop in a more balanced way Why it matters: The revision states the intended breadth of development more naturally.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay completely agrees with this statement. Suggested revision: I completely agree with this statement. Why it matters: Using the writer as the subject makes the position more direct and natural.
Suggested Rewrites
- importance of knowledge in their later years importance of knowledge in their future careers
- laser-focused and specialized knowledge highly specialized knowledge
- play a very important role play a crucial role
- ranging from peers to professors including both peers and professors
- proactively secure a job position secure a job
- talent recruits
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, consistent position and develops a strong range of relevant reasons with specific, plausible examples. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement or awkward phrasing, while some points could be synthesized more tightly to avoid a slightly expansive treatment. The highest-priority refinement is to make each claim maximally precise and concise, especially when linking extracurricular participation to employment outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit and fully maintained, with well-developed reasons and relevant examples covering several kinds of activity.
Refine a few broad claims about employment so every causal link is as carefully qualified as the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without obscuring the argument.
Tighten minor overlap between the benefits paragraphs to make the progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with only occasional slightly awkward or overstated combinations.
Replace expressions such as laser-focused knowledge and develop more comprehensively with more natural, exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Maintain this control while trimming long sentences where several clauses could be expressed more directly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.