Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
These days, a large number of university students dedicate most of their time to studying. However, it is believed that they should also spend time participating in other activities. This essay completely agrees with this statement.
Granted, it is essential for students to apply themselves to studying, given the importance of knowledge in their future careersimportance of knowledge in their later years. Higher education aims to provide students with highly specialized knowledgelaser-focused and specialized knowledge tailored to their future occupations. In order to gain a deep understanding of such knowledge, students need to invest significant time and effort in learning.
Nevertheless, knowledge alone might not help students secure a decent job in the future, as relationships and networking play a crucial roleplay a very important role in finding employment, and these are often acquired through activities at school. For example, when students take part in certain competitions at their schools, they gain an opportunity to meet and even collaborate with other talented individuals in their field, including both peers and professorsranging from peers to professors. Additionally, university students can secure a jobproactively secure a job position even before graduating, as many companies sponsor these events to identify potential recruitstalent for their organizations.
Taking part in extracurricular or volunteervolunteering activities also equips students with a wide range of essential skills that help them excel in their careers as well as in life. For instance, when joining a competition or a club, which usually requires students to work in teams, they can learn how to collaborate with others efficiently. These hands-on experiences and real-life collaboration can help them become valuable team members in future workplacesfuture working environments.
Not only do students benefit from activities at their schools, but they also gain substantial advantages from having part-time jobs. Working as a part-time employee helps students understand the value of money at an early stage and teaches them how to manage their time more effectively. These benefits are why I believe that university students should allocate their time to other activities in addition to studying. They can schedule their time to participate in one or two activities every semester, which allows them to gain practical experience while still balancing their academic commitments.
In conclusion, while studying diligently is undoubtedly a virtue, I believe that university students should also take part in activities such as school competitions, volunteering projects, and part-time jobs to develop in a more balanced waydevelop more comprehensively.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, consistent position and develops a strong range of relevant reasons with specific, plausible examples. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement or awkward phrasing, while some points could be synthesized more tightly to avoid a slightly expansive treatment. The highest-priority refinement is to make each claim maximally precise and concise, especially when linking extracurricular participation to employment outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit and fully maintained, with well-developed reasons and relevant examples covering several kinds of activity.
Refine a few broad claims about employment so every causal link is as carefully qualified as the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without obscuring the argument.
Tighten minor overlap between the benefits paragraphs to make the progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with only occasional slightly awkward or overstated combinations.
Replace expressions such as laser-focused knowledge and develop more comprehensively with more natural, exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Maintain this control while trimming long sentences where several clauses could be expressed more directly.